The last few days I have been doing a lot of reflecting on the last few years. I've mentioned before that I have struggled with depression for as long as I can remember, but the last few years have been exceptionally difficult. However, around 4 or 5 years ago I did have a period of about a year or so where everything was going right. I still had some depressive symptoms, but I had a lot of energy and could get everything done. And then all of a sudden it stopped. I just couldn't get out of the bed and I had no motivation to do anything. I can't think of any one thing that happened that could have set it off. I struggled with the depression for about a year and engaged in some risky behavior (mostly impulsively spending money) and then it got really bad. I was completely overwhelmed and suicidal. Things have gotten better since I've been on medication, but I'm still not 100%.
Now I work full time, but I'm constantly running late in the mornings and I don't sleep well at night. I'm trying my best, but I just feel like I'm lazy or something. I just can't understand what's wrong with me. I don't know if it's just depression or something else. I feel absolutely trapped because I know I have to work. My boyfriend is currently unemployed, so I have no choice if the bills are going to get paid. But all I want to do is stay in bed and sleep. I have no energy and I don't understand how it happened all at once. Everything was fine, and then suddenly it wasn't. I'm just lost.
I'm sorry for rambling. I just really need some support.