I'm feeling low again, not deeply depressed but just pervasively low and without any motivation to do anything. Probably I am tired. I am sleeping badly at the moment as arthritis at the top of my spine triggers Fybromyalgia muscle spasms in my arms and pain in my shoulders as well, so I sleep on my left side but then have intense hip pain when I wake most days as well as extreme stiffness in my neck and shoulders although thankfully all of those ease over time once I am up and have got going. This morning I went to see my GP to ask about referral to the pain clinic but commented on my only taking Duloxetine once instead of twice daily (didn't realise it was a twice daily med) and suggested I wait to see the effects of taking it twice daily and whether that reduces my pain. I've also been over-doing it lately. We have had our kitchen overhauled to bring it up to date, so now have a range cooker and additional units as well as new worktops all around - I'm ambivalent about the changes, I like the lighter worktop even though our previous ones in Iroko and Marble were much better quality than the new melamine. But it does all look lighter and brighter. I really dislike the rough texture of the range cooker top, but the cooker suits the room and having more units paradoxically makes the room look bigger. We did the changes mainly in order to keep the house up-to-date so when the market has improved at our price range we can try to sell the house. We will have to downsize, the house is too big and garden is becoming impossible to manage - but those of you who know me will know all about that!
How are you all - those of you who know me? I feel in need of contact and support at the moment as I would easily become very weepy if I allowed myself to do so - instead I am trying not to get into feelings...
I still haven't managed to get back into producing any art. I have an idea about a theme which would enable me to produce a whole range of work but can't really get enthusiastic about any of it because I feel too depressed. I don't know what's the matter with me... I've spent too much of my life wasting time but still find myself doing that despite realising it's stupid as I only have one life.
Nothing much else to say really, just trying to find the energy to begin something.
I'd love it if some of you who know me would write back, it would be lovely to feel supported by you all again. I hope you are not too low, I know some of you have been feeling low again but others are doing really well
Love and hugs,