Hi guys.. Haven't posted on here for so so long! And I wasn't ignoring any of your messages I was trying to get my shit together... And that hasn't worked out to great!
Firstly.. Had a job interview with a company I would have to loved to work with! Was told I had the job and then jut never got a text with some hours of them! So basically they binned me off!
So that kinda pulled me right back.. Beliveing that I had a real chance of making something with my life and then just f**ked of really pulled me down!
When will I ever learn that me trying to drink socially with my friends will never go the way I want? I can't just go out and have a nice night with my friends because every time I drink I become so emotional and think horrible thoughts! I hate not being able to go out like any other person my age and be fine! I hate that I feel so horrible every time I drink! And I know myself it's not a good idea but I always tell myself that it will be different this time!
I've just recently found out that my ex partners grandad has passed away and it had literally broke my heart for her! As they were all so so close! I loved her family like my own and I just feel so so sorry for the family with there loss.. And I just want to go to my ex and tell her that everything will be ok and just help her get through this but she has a new partner now so I guess I kinda need to leave her to cry on her shoulder "/ I just feel so sorry for them all
I've only just got in from a night out and I've found myself writing on here as I really don't want to do anything stupid! I just want to sleep this horrible night away!
I feel so lost lately.. Like I literally don't know what I'm going to do? Where am I meant to be in my life? I wish someone could just tell me what I'm supposed to do because I have no idea! To lost to even help myself out of this! I seem to fight with myself a lot lately as to why I'm even on this earth? Like what was I supposed to do? What am I meant to be? I just don't even want this if anymore! I would swap places with someone who has passed right now and just not even be here.. Because In actual fact it's probably best I wasn't here like.. No worries no problems no nothing! Just a pain free after life!
Gunna stop writing now as I'm just making myself feel worse! Sorry for my depressing post guys I just need to vent