So i'm here AGAIN and all I keep asking myself is 'WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?'
Just recently everything has taken a toll on me and I just bare it any more - it's getting too much and I literally have no idea how to get out of this rut I am in. is there even a way out?
My doctor signed me off work for two weeks and I go back on Tuesday - I thought I'd be ready after taking a step back from everything and taking time to re-evaluate my life and my future. I guess I am no where near as ready as I thought I would be but I can't change my mind now. In all fairness I HATE my job and I think it's one of the reasons why I am back in this dark hole again. I was doing over 50 hours a week and Spending my days off sleeping, having no life (i'm 20) I barely saw my mum and dad ( Whom I live with ) I didn't even get time to myself and worse of all they never appreciated me and all my hard work I was putting in - I'm exhausted and the thought of going back is making me anxious. They also told everyone why I wasn't at work- EVERYONE knows. I haven't even told my closest friends how I'm feeling at the moment and I've only just told my mum,dad and my partner YET everyone who I don't actually know - Knows my business, they know something about me that I'm ashamed of and something I wanted to keep confidential. I want to tell them how I feel because quite frankly I'm fuming! I don't even want to return back to work. I'm 20 and I should be back in this position. I just want to be happy and enjoy my life and right now I couldn't be far from it. What do I do? Do I carry on being this unhappy or do I leave and have no job?