So weary

Last few days been so hard ...I have anxiety and b.p.d ....and am trying to stay calm and not get angry as my partner cannot tolerate my anger anymore ...which is right( I was in an abusive marriage for many years I get it ...I am now the abuser!,...however my life circs are sooooo stressful ...and I feel so alone sons both hVe problems is trying to get in to America his fiancé is there ...the other age 19 brain injured autistic .epileptic and has emiplegia following a stroke as a baby mum is 84 and becoming more forgetful and needy's all on me present I am in process with social worker and behaviour support ...helping my youngest accept that he has to choose somewhere else to live , he cannot come home due to his challenging behaviour ... He is angry and abusive to me and shows no affection I am so scared and don't know how to keep my shit together .....x

7 Replies

  • Oh my goodness what an awful situation to be in. Can I start by saying that you are most definitely not an abuser. You are dealing with the way you were treated and that is simply manifesting itself in anger. I'm guessing anger that is being directed at your partner because your ex isn't around to have it instead.

    I know how stressful looking after a Mum with health needs is - you have my every sympathy and understanding there. Throw in a child with autism into the mix and it's no wonder you're feeling as you are. I'm not sure what the solutions are but please remember that your needs are important too x

  • Hi Janey I'm sorry your in such a difficult and stressful situation.

    Your problems with your son are complex so I'm not sure what to say.

    Look after yourself and keep meeting with the social worker. There is a specific

    anxiety site if you have a look, and you might get some more help

    With Anxiety there.

    Do your best and take care of yourself.


  • Sorry your situation is so stressful. Stick with the social worker, let them take some of the strain. Hope there are some better solutions for you,until then, take care of yourself. Regards Lorna

  • Thankyou it's so good to have responses all very kind and it really helps to know I am not alone

  • Hi Janey keep in touch and you will have support here.

    Hope you feel a bit better now.

    Hannah x

  • Thanks Hannah ,, well every day is different you probably know ...just wish I didn't feel so exhausted .. Son home Saturday so gotta be on the ball for that ...thankyou for your kind words means a lot x

  • Don't really know what to say tbh. I'm so sorry that you're going through so much. One thing that I DO know is that if you haven't already tried to do this, it could be a good idea to see if there are any autistic charities in your area (or the area that your son wishes to live if its outside your area) and see if they can provide you with any support. They aren't social workers but probably have more experience than the social worker. They do have a lot of variety in resources and they could help you and your son in choosing a safe place for him (and to him) to live and probably can provide you with further support in managing him, especially if he's violently inclined. But as he's the priority in the problems (because he's coming back on Saturday and you are scared of him) I think that you really do need to find something (can you talk to your partner) and see if you can set up a "safe" place to put your son in if he has a violent meltdown?

    From personal experience I know what its like for families who live with having a child on the spectrum who they can't handle because they are afraid of how they may act on certain things. My cousin is autistic. He's becoming a lot bigger and stronger...and a lot more angrier. My aunt has two other children and she receives no support from my uncle. The boy has been known to attack her and the younger sister when he goes into a meltdown. it isn't anyone's fault but you need to think about your personal safety before his own, and the best way to handle that is to have an agreement with someone who can put your son into a place that allows him to calm down whilst you are not in that area (and safe). Does that make sense? I'm not sure if I'm wording it correctly and I'm hoping I don't offend you. Obviously you love your son and you don't want him to get hurt but YOU are just as important.

    As for your other son trying to get into America. If he hasn't already done this, it would be a good idea for him to get a meeting with the british consolate (embassy) in America and in England to see what he should do BUT I don't think that you should stress yourself out when it is HE who has to deal with this. Which I know is easier said than done.

    As for your Mum, it is really unfair for you to shoulder this on your own. Do you not have other family members who can help you so that looking after Mum isn't too much? If not, again there are charities. I don't know how you'd feel about seeking advice from a doctor to put your mum into a place where she can receive more support for her needs but it could be a good idea -- my grandfather's mind started to wander a few years before he died. He painted an entire ceiling in one day and didn't realise that he had done it afterwards. My Aunt moved him to a catered group home where he was quite happy and he did receive lots of support.

    ...for someone who didn't know what to say, I've said quite a bit. You are just not getting enough support, and I really hope that you can find better solutions. Your mental and physical health matter. and you really need some tlc yourself. Best wishes for you.

    Kate x

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