Today is one of those days when I feel as though, in the long term, I have gone down the rabbit-hole and I'm not coming back. I feel like the rest of my days will be spent as I am now, always feeling low and having to force myself to do things that keep my head just enough above the water to keep going, and I can't see light at the end of the tunnel.
I've been kicking something around my head for a while now...something that I want to do but I'm not sure is a good idea. My ex-girlfriend's mum had depression, I don't know how she is now but when I knew her it was exceptionally bad, many days she didn't get out of bed at all. I never thought my ex or her family were very empathetic or supportive - her mum overdosed heavily on her meds three times before they really took it seriously. Even then it was very much "snap out of it" type reactions.
I've done a bit of reading around depression lately and thought of my ex's mum and wondered how she was doing. I read some of a book I think might help her if she is still low. The problem is that to find out how she is, and to get a copy of it to her, I will have to get in contact with my ex. I know from experience that is bad for me, I always end up feeling worse and going through a bad phase if I contact her. And as I'm already not in a good phase now, I'm worried how I'd react to hearing from her.
If I could possibly help someone else then I really want to...not to mention I feel like I should, and will feel guilty if I don't. Especially as I never had the nerve to tell my ex to be more supportive when I was going out with her. I kind of just didn't get involved as it wasn't my family and I feel awful about that. But I just can't bring myself to speak to my ex. Really don't know what to do.