Rabbit-holes and dilemmas

Today is one of those days when I feel as though, in the long term, I have gone down the rabbit-hole and I'm not coming back. I feel like the rest of my days will be spent as I am now, always feeling low and having to force myself to do things that keep my head just enough above the water to keep going, and I can't see light at the end of the tunnel.

I've been kicking something around my head for a while now...something that I want to do but I'm not sure is a good idea. My ex-girlfriend's mum had depression, I don't know how she is now but when I knew her it was exceptionally bad, many days she didn't get out of bed at all. I never thought my ex or her family were very empathetic or supportive - her mum overdosed heavily on her meds three times before they really took it seriously. Even then it was very much "snap out of it" type reactions.

I've done a bit of reading around depression lately and thought of my ex's mum and wondered how she was doing. I read some of a book I think might help her if she is still low. The problem is that to find out how she is, and to get a copy of it to her, I will have to get in contact with my ex. I know from experience that is bad for me, I always end up feeling worse and going through a bad phase if I contact her. And as I'm already not in a good phase now, I'm worried how I'd react to hearing from her.

If I could possibly help someone else then I really want to...not to mention I feel like I should, and will feel guilty if I don't. Especially as I never had the nerve to tell my ex to be more supportive when I was going out with her. I kind of just didn't get involved as it wasn't my family and I feel awful about that. But I just can't bring myself to speak to my ex. Really don't know what to do.

10 Replies

  • I would feel like you want to help somebody even though suffering myself you are beating yourself up with guilt just what I do.Can you not get it to her via some other way ,you know where she lives then if she refused it you have tried. Until you try you won't rest Good Luck

  • Thank you for the reply, nice to know someone relates. Thing is, I don't have any contact details, I got rid of them all and can't remember them (relationship was quite a long time ago). But you are right, I will be restless until I have tried something now I've thought of it.

  • Agree with Ertschay - are you sure that going through your ex is the only way to contact her mother.

    Try to be kind to yourself. You can't do anything about the past. Its gone and it sounds like a lot of it was a far from ideal situation.

    From what I have seen of your posts it looks to me as if you are helping people here in this forum.

  • Thank you Gambit - always try to be helpful but rarely feel like I am.

  • Is it possible to phone the Mum and talk to her about this book that you think would be good for her. I have bought a few books since being ill and they have all helped me in different ways. Isn't it terrible , these guilt trips we go on, I was on one yesterday but solved it in the end. That would be my suggestion if you don't want to get in touch with your ex again.... it's obviously not good for you either. Good luck.

  • Thank you for the reply. Guilt trips are nasty, it was only a passing thought initially and it's mushroomed into something like a referendum on my character in my head. Glad you got round yours though :) Don't have a phone number unfortunately, I got rid of it ages ago. And it would be a bit awkward...never really fitted in with my ex's family. One of those situations where we just had absolutely nothing in common so never made much of a connection. I may just go through my ex, I think in the long run I would feel better having tried.

  • Well ,be careful and don't get yourself upset. As we say in NZ<, Kia Kaha, Be strong. All the best.

  • Hi

    Is it possible to post the book to your her mother care of your ex? You wouldn't even have to put who it was from, she would still get the book.


  • Brilliant idea - annoyed now that I don't know where my ex is living, she was moving a while back but haven't spoken to her really since, so don't have an address. All I have is a mobile number for her.

  • Oh that's a shame.

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