Desperate and alone with two children. Why do I hate my life?

I hate everything about my life. My job. My husband. My house. Myself. I have tried for years to do things properly. I have worked hard and tried so hard to make things better. I am trapped in a life that I hate. I can never escape. No one can help me! I brought it on myself so that's why I hate myself. Nothing has ever gone right for me and it never will. I am too much of a coward to kill myself but this would likely free everyone else as we'll as me. How could I have been so selfish to have had children? I am the kind of person I hate. I challenge anyone to find me a way out. Can't be done.

14 Replies

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  • How awful for you. Tell me about your children? X

  • I have a beautiful 8 year old girl and a lovely baby girl who is 9 months. I feel gutted that I have messed up our lives. Relationship with husband has broken and I'm too scared to break up. All my decisions are bad ones. Whatever I do will be wrong for everyone.

  • I too have two children, 2 and 8 months, and the way life was going for me I slipped back into depression which was awful. I went to my gp and spoke to my health visitor and friends / family and decideded where I needed to be. I didn't deserve all the things that had happened / were happening and I needed to take control, not be passively accepting of too much coming my way!.

    It sounds like your children are a good thing in your life. Have you chatted to your gp or health visitor. I know it seems that things are pointless but can you in your head close your eyes and imagine the life you want? It's hard when you are v depressed and exhausted to focus on sorting things so you need some treatment and a plan. What do you think? I'm sure that you may blankety think all your decisions are bad ones - but you have two lovely girls - they weren't bad decisions? Or. Writing down how you feel is never bad so that's three right there. Black and white thinking and catastrophising is also part of depression - been there! X

  • Hope,

    You have given me hope. Your response was very sensitve, smart and sweet. Your words allowed me to reflect on my own life. Whenever I become so receptive to something someone has to say that is also very positive.....it allows me to be hopeful....So thank you. Your kind thoughts are making a great impact.

    Its amazing that we think so little of ourselves, but can affect others so treme.dously...with such little....or no efforts at all....at times when we least expect it.

    Desi

  • Thank you for your kind reply. I am breastfeeding which is the reason why my GP hasn't prescribed a.ds. Mum &dad are a big help. They try to work things through with me but there are no answers. It's a bit annoying trying to help me as I'm so negative but if I explained it all then you would realise that I am truly stuck. I am not a lazy person this is not why I can't help myself. I am flat out all day at work, I do everything at home and try to give the girls everything they need. Husband works away in the week and does not support me emotionally. I would like to split up but if we did it would be awful as he has nowhere to stay round here and the arguments and negative effects on the family would be much worse. I know I could have counselling but have so little time with the children that I cannot justify such an indulgent thing. I've had it before and it just makes me feel stupid. I hate my job but cannot get another one with the same money in this area. Sick of the excuses yet? I am!

  • No, and stop talking to yourself that way, you are clearly tired, over pressured and depressed / feel trapped, sounds like you're doing AMAZING to me! 9 months breast feeding, fair play, I didn't manage that long and naturally felt guilty about that!

    I will say what I found in that I got treated appallingly by my employer when I was off on mat leave before, I struggled on and on, thinking I was selfish to prioritise my self at all, I had probes with friends of mine and the transition to being career / party girl to mummy and people struggle with the change in you as well, my mum had cancer at the time, I found a breast lump it was awful! I sorted myself and work (I work really hard, put in so many hours and this is how they treated me!) but I went to mediation / moved on and tried to have so e boundaries. And when I'm off again, they treat me like dirt again! I recognised how low and depressed I was last time and I wanted to be dead. I used to get up and cry in the night, cry in the morning and feel like a piece of dirt. S no, not again!

    I had met new people, invested in positive friendships, spent time with validating people and went to my gp. I still felt like a failure crying my eyes out in public(!) feeling I had to take anti-depressants, and I did!

    So long story, but I'm doing well, spending time with lovely people and because of the medication I had the strength to move on, apply for new jobs - applied for 2 and got them both(!) and sorted myself out, and am enjoying my family, and taking time - though naturally feel guilty lol! (Not huge amounts but time) out for me, and got myself some new clothes as have been to weight watchers to get rid of excess, and I. Really positive. I'm telling you this as I too felt trapped with no way out, and in the depths there is no light, just pain, failure and low self worth.

    But look how you are doing! Very well I'd say so stop talking to yourself negatively!!! I insist, lol.

    Can I advise you to read 'depressive illness- the curse of the strong' by tim cantopher. You will find it easy to read and fab for you. I thought it was written for me(!) so much so I emailed him and thanked him for writing it! You can get it on amazon, and its not dear.

    I think you need to have another chat to your gp about medication, it sounds like you need it to b honest, deg read that book which explains it so well.

    But no, I think talking / chatting is good, so keep doing it! Xxxx you are allowed say how you feel! Own it xxx

  • Thanks -for all your advice. I have actually just ordered the book after reading your post, I am a real book person, I can't wait to get it. Well I feel a lot better now but I need to see the doctor. I know that baby will be ok without the boob, she has lots of formula as well anyway. I will try to come back and write about what happens. I hope, too that your life is a happy one, which it definitely sounds like it is! At the mo I can't imagine me being that way, but I know I should keep trying. Thanks again and all the best. X

  • Only you can!! only you can change things!!! its your life too,,, if your unhappy, change it. It will take courage,,but you can do it. Do you think your children are going to be happy if your not. They can tell.

    Sometimes life isnt what you want it to be,,, but I have found out,, the hard way,, you can never please people all of the time, just some of it,,, and when we do,, they are never happy themselves.. So whats the point???

    take pleasure of the small things. learn to love yourself first,, get some counselling to help you,, with your feelings, and help you,, to sort out in your mind, how your going to make changes.

    take care, x

  • So true. I need to know what I want, not what everyone else wants. It is second nature to me to please other people so now I don't have a clue what it is that I actually want myself! Just a compromised view which I'm not motivated to fight for. Well the trouble is what I want is going to hurt others. So I need to do a lot of thinking. Thank you so much x

  • There are some dam good books out there,,, why you say yes, when you mean to say no,,, self improvement books,, that helped me, so much,,,in my changes I had to make,,they are mind provoking books, that helps to clear the jumble. Maybe a start might be to find out ,,,why you behaved that way in the first place,,, was it parents,, parenting??? or the need,,,, to be accepted by people (I always remind myself, that if they pay my bills,, then they can have some say in my life,, untill then,,,fck off) Also after my kids, left home, I lost my identity, I did everything for them,,, then,,, what do I do now. So dont loose who you are,,, its a bit of a shock,,,, ps they didnt thank me for my devotion either,,,was it worth the sacrafice,,,ummmmmm NO!

    It may take time, but,,, you will get there.. no sudden dicisions, find out more about you,,, what you like, what makes you tick,,, and why??? self discovery of oneself x

  • Sorry smithsuz, I missed your post earlier! Order that book as well, you won't regret it! I'm not associated with it or anything like that, it's just so good! You will def find it helpful

    I think we can all be guilty of struggling with a balance and going from one extreme to the other! I know I have! We can't please everybody at the expense of ourselves, we do start wondering 'who' we are. It's important to be in touch with that and it can be done! Xxx

    I'm glad if what I've wrote helped others, we have all been there and I think validation and empathy is so important to. E I like to put it out there - what goes around comes around, lol xx

  • Sorry that was daisy I missed not smithsuz! My brains!Lol. Please let me know how you both get on if you have the chance xx

  • You will be working so hard with a toddler and baby , no wonder you are tired and down. I felt like this when my children were small and thought I was the worst Mother ever. But do you know, my two girls both went to Uni and now have very good jobs, so I must have done something right. I was tol by my Psych to make a list of my achievements and this was a very positive thing as it showed me how strong and resilient I was.... ( I need to go back and have another look !!) We always see the worst of things. Write down the positives in your life, I know you will find some and look at the good things you have done/ are doing. And be kind to yourself. You are a busy Mum and that is tiring. All the very best to you.xx

  • I feel your pain, I am going through a very similar situation, I can't see a way out, but I have 2 children who both have special needs, they are what has kept me going when things are really bad, please seek help, from GP , yes you feel that everyone would be better off with out you, take a minute to think about the good things you have done, your children would be really upset if you were not there, I write things down as I feel things , it is an outlet, doesn't really help, but does help to explain things to the GP or similar. Cyber hugs, we will come out the other end of this x

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