I'm so sorry for your relationship struggles with your mom and your battle with drugs. If you're planning on going back to college after the semester break, you might want to set up an appointment to speak with a mental health counselor at your school. Most schools have a counseling center on campus that they urge students to take advantage of.
And if you don't want them to be aware of what's going on in your life right now, then perhaps you could contact a center in your area. I'm guessing that you may still be enrolled under your parents' health insurance plan and if so then you can select a provider counselor or therapist who participates. Depending on your age, you might not have to tell your mom the exact nature of the problem and the insurance company may not be obligated to release that information.
I encourage you to seek help as soon as you can. Addictions are serious matters and should be taken as such. You can do this. I'll be praying you through this and hope that things get under control at home and in your life in general. Sending warm hugs and blessings to you.
Really feel confused/railroaded into a 'diagnosis' - but overall, just 'not right' Please help me to understand whats happening to me
Constantly feel bored and empty, like life has no meaning. 
What has helped you relieve your symptoms?
Am I a monster? What am I? 
