Depression or just normal?

[Lonely-girl]

This is my first post on here and its an important one!

I have recently been experiencing prolonged periods of sadness and uncontrollable feelings of guilt. I was taken into care about three years ago due to neglect and emotional and metal abuse that I had suffered for my whole life. I have spoken to many people (but not a doctor) about it and they are just saying its stress (I'm 16 so exams). However, I have been having crying episodes and regularly think life would be better if I killed myself (I have a fear of dying though so?). I was admitted to hospital about a month ago following panic attacks that I have for no apparent reason and I have lost enjoyment in most things I loved doing. My friends are noticing a change in me. I don't want or mention anything to my foster carer as I'm worried about what she may say. She doesn't think there may be anything wrong because I sometimes go through stages when I'm 'high' (not on drugs though). I feel very exited and I talk really fast, and I can't sit still and I become annoying. I have so much enthusiasm for life and just want to go out and do stuff (this might last for a few days). Then I go back to being really upset, usually having a massive crying episode after this period of time. I don't know if this is normal or not, if it's serious or not either. Do I tell my foster carer or go to the doctor or what? I really need some advice as I'm worried about my own health. My sadness is all the time except for 'high' periods which happen every month or so...

[Tigger0101]

Hello after reading this i found myself feeling some of the same thoughts. One minute I feel fine, then the next I feel like I want to kill myself. I know deep down that im not okay at all, my smile hides the hoplessness and lonliness thats eating me up. Im going to talk to a close friend and ask her to come to my GP with me. I suggest you tell your foster carer and go and see your GP. Exams are a really stressful time, im going through A Levels now and im having daily breakdowns, so even if your GP can recommend a councellor whom you can talk to about your exam stress would maybe help you clarify whether or not youre feeling down becuase of exams orrr if its something more?

[Lonely-girl in reply to Tigger0101]

Thank you, I feel the same way. I think counselling would be the best thing for me at the moment. I am going to mention it to a friend and my foster carer and see where that takes me. I hope you are OK and I am too.

[loggerslot]

if you find your foster carer a very nice person you can talk to then maybe you can talk to them? sometimes elders have a way of soothing the worries and have experience and wisdom to help you see things clearly. I'm not quite sure how fostering works but maybe you can talk to your social worker about how to open up to your foster carer, maybe they can fast track you to get counselling.

from my own experience if you are having these issues then its best to deal with it as soon as because getting older those un-dealt issues may only end up piling up on you. I wish i had the right support back then, and maybe now I would have been a very different person but I don't think the support back then is as strong as it is now.

[gardengnome in reply to loggerslot]

Just wanted to second loggerslots reply. I would think that being under 18 you may have more support available than when older. So best to not delay asking for help.

[Lonely-girl]

Ok guys, thanks so much for your help! I think I'm going to take your advice and mention it to my social worker next time I see her. It's not that my foster carer isn't easy to talk to, its just she doesn't really understand what I'm going through and to what extent. I thought, at one point it could be past experiences but, I don't know. I'll mention it... Thanks again!