I don’t even know what’s wrong with me anymore.

Hi, I’m honestly nervous writing this out for someone who doesn’t typically express themselves a lot I thought I would give this a try and see if anyone could help me. Im losing my mind I feel like I can’t even exactly describe what I’m feeling I just know there’s something wrong with me mentally . I’ve been feeling like this for at least 5 years and every time I tell myself I’m being too dramatic, or no one will understand me since I can’t even understand myself but I’ve had enough. I’m physically and mentally exhausted. I feel like I have so many emotions I can’t control, other times I feel like I can’t feel at all. I overthink, overreact, get crazy mad or emotional and I push people away. I don’t know what else to do. I’ve held so many things inside that I’m having a nervous break down sometimes I think it would just be easier to not deal with anything and think about suicide. I know that’s not the answer but sometimes it feels like it’s the only answer. I’ve googled a couple of therapy centers but how do I convince myself I’m not completely crazy and it’s okay to ask for help. I’m so sorry I’ve been going on and on.

[retedika]

You are 100% not crazy. A lot of people go through something similar even if what they've been through isn't the same thing. When it's hard for us to come to terms with certain things in our life or we've kept them hidden within ourselves for too long, our mind becomes jumbled. You begin to live inside of your head, therefore one moment you are alright and the next it all comes back to you for absolutely no reason, hence why you feel numb at times and others as if there's been an explosion of emotions within you. But, there is a reason and it's the fact that we don't face these things on time so they haunt us or maybe we were never able to face them, so the way our mind deals with these things is by putting them aside until we can no longer handle acting like we're fine. Therapy in this case may be helpful because you can vent it out to someone who is willing to listen and understand, but while this may be the first step to getting better it won't help completely unless you truly want to get better and this won't be easy. It'll mean becoming more honest with yourself and when it comes to it, allowing yourself to feel rather than disregarding your feelings. At the same time you can't allow yourself to become immersed in these feelings completely, you have to fight against them and by that I don't mean becoming ignorant of them or acting fine, if anything I am trying to say accept them and find ways to move past them. We've got one chance at life and it's a shame to waste it away. So while you are still here fight to get better and live a happier life. Accept yourself, you don't always have to be okay, try to understand why you are feeling the way you are. There is a source to all of our inner demons, you just have to find yours, acknowledge it, and then overcome it. I'm not sure if this will help since what you said was pretty vague, but I hope in some way this relates to what you're going through.

[Hidden in reply to retedika]

Thank you so much. This really did help me!

[Natsteveo in reply to retedika]

Very strong fabulous advice

[puglove0093]

I have felt the way you have before! The fact that you know you need to seek help outside yourself is a big step! It will take some time, but you will not regret asking for help. I am praying you start to heal and find relief!!