Since I was around 14, I've sensed that something wasn't quite right, with 4 failed attempts to end my life when I turned 17 I decided to go to get help.
Since I'd started having panic attacks around this time, I mentioned this to my doctor and they did nothing about my failed attempts and simply put me on Propranolol. I had some horrible side affects within days so stopped taking them, within a while my anxiety (which was diagnosed at the time).
Around my 18th birthday I began to feel very low again, with it coming in phases, I felt that the doctor's could have failed me as I tried to take my own life again (with this being near to the anniversary of me going to the doctors for the first time) and I dropped out of college even though I was achieving high grades. Leading on to this, I finally got through and was put on the waiting list for counselling, which they said would be 4 months long (with me starting in January) but it hasn't came around yet.
I didn't warm to the idea of counselling to begin with as I can't efficiently talk about my problems, I just pull jokes as I do as a self-defense mechanism, but this means that a lot of healthcare professionals haven't taken me seriously (as it seems). Now that I'm nearly 19, should I just ring up about it even though the waiting list is probably even longer now, or ask to be taken seriously about my (what clearly appears to be) depression?