Take the Drugs or Not?

To not bore you all to much...I've had a royally shit year! I got married this time last year I couldn't be more in love with my wife still and my beautiful step-son who will be turning 4 soon..our family is great, I've lived with my boy since around his 2nd birthday and he calls me mum. I am a police officer, as is my wife, thats how we met. To sum up my 2016... 5 failed attempts of fertility treatment, finding out wifes grandad is a peado who fiddled with her mum and sister, elderly relatives heading for heaven, relocating, wifes ex filling for shared custody, debt debt and more debt and then to top it all off I got new line management who bullied, harassed and discriminated against me for being gay, taking on a primary care role for a child who isn't biologically mine and wanting help from OH....I ended up going off work sick with stress and anxiety for 2 and half months and then returning to work, it was a struggle as they wouldn't let me work within the advice given from my GP, eventually I changed that through OH. I was called names and made to feel worthless for needing to look after my son. I resigned and then someone said NO, don't give up the job you always wanted lets get you help, so I gave it my all, submitted a 'complaint' type thing and referred myself for counselling, which I am still waiting for... I couldn't cope the anxiety was so physical, I had panic attacks, not sleeping, stressing, crying all the time and very snappy! So I am off work sick again. Feeling lonely, down, worthless, isolated and in pain. My GP wants me to start a treatment of antidepressants, for many and various reasons I am against the whole drug thing...am I limiting my chances of getting better by not giving it a go?

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  • ok, you need I think to deal with 1 problem at a time. So you are at home at the moment, how long for, maybe 2 weeks? this is where you can build some stability. Try and keep busy with chores, shopping etc ie the usual domestics, take rest when you need to but not more than an hour at a time. Concentrate on that for now and try and build up some sort of routine, doing the same thing each day. That's the first step I reckon, just focus on that. Setting mini targets helps and stick to them no matter what, usually a couple of things that need to be done - that's what I do when I'm in the pit.

    It isn't pleasant I'm afraid, it's a type of survival mode - as God says, 'do all you can to stand'

    keep in touch though,

    cheers, Rich

  • Thank you hopefully i can 'snap' out of it! as things come together.

  • If your Doctor has prescribed antidepressants it is likely that you have a "clinical" condition i.e. a chemical imbalance of certain neurotransmitters that have a profound effect on mood. If this is the case I'm afraid that you can't just snap out o of it. I am an ex-Police Sergeant and know only too well the lack of understanding and support within the service when it comes to any mental health issue (even the term "mental health issue " when it applied to me made me deeply uncomfortable, almost ashamed) but experience has taught me to use everything offered to prevent feeling worse and to recover. You didn't choose to feel this way, it's highly likely you aren't alone amongst your colleagues, but few speak up let alone get help. I chose to try to drink my feelings away for years which royally fucked things up at the time. Pleased to say (with the help of antidepressants) I live a good life now but it's been a battle, largely because I was reluctant to seek or use the help available.

  • ..and just one other thing, the anti depressants will help you a lot, whilst they are not the whole answer they will greatly help your resilience to stand up under the pressure - I've taken 10mg citalopram for about 12 years, this is a low dose, I haven't noted side effects and I sleep well, you can take alcohol (crucially !)

  • positive to know that they can help...thanks

  • I hope you managed to enjoy Christmas. Have you researched St Johns Wort , you can buy it in heath food shops, or on line. It has done marvels for me. Ann.

  • Speaking of anti-depressant...I'm also not a big fan to this drug until things got real bad that I nearly committed suicide and that's how I accepted the fact that I have sever depression and I have to stop being stubborn playing strong and I am fine when I am not. I combined my medications with sports like running, in fact I went through intense running for how many weeks and then carry on with short distance or just simply jog at the park. Now, I'm trying to stop my medication after my ''divorce'', I know it's crazy and not the best time but hell yeah, you just have to pick up yourself and have the '' WILL'' to get back on your feet and don't let anyone give you a damn shit. Remember it's about you making better not about other people. It may not fix right away but eventually you will feel better with some patience. Good luck!