Is this merely a depression (i've always had)

so today i felt okay! i was feeling a bit anxious, bu ta few cofees later i was ready for panic! i let things settle - i felt pretty happy but couldnt undetsand what was going on and the dynamics. people were talking too quick and i couldnt adapt at that time. later that day when socially things bgan to settle. today felt like the greatest day of my life - just if i was to have a perfect day - today was it. something switched and the turning place was when i was hungry - let it be.

customers were happy enough - i was told i have a glow!

all i changed - ? i dont know but things sunk in! i had control of sonny - not other people telling me what i am and who.

usually i feel out of place - and why am i here ! today there was a guy who was fairly unfamiliar with the work i was helpimn him out!

but wha tchanged ? when i really think about it three/four things

- peoples company i was in - people were awesome

-i stopped eating - for some reason when i dont eat things make more sense) - it is very strange!

- a lot of stimulants - alertness

and ocd - ocd gives a purpose to live i remember a list - if i forget the list i almost feel suicidal as it fills a void! cd is massive superstition - like now i feel so good about myself that i don't want to get ofthe couch - as wen i get off the couch things can i only turn shit - i probably am goi to ge ocd - in order to stop the change and keep this feel and perception.

i could live every day of my life like this - i feel ecstatic - just on the basis of how my day went! i have no reason to be sad!it sounds messed up - seriously ...but the impression i gave off today makes me feel excellent.

i have written this as an archive so i can dia in to what the possible diagnosis of what i have - is?! so if you read this so be it/if you don't fine/ if you have an input i find useful - i cant thank ytou enougth!

people on this site are supportive and i owe a good bit of my life to it.

sonny x

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5 Replies

  • I think not a lot changed other than you talking, on here, about your problems. The warning I would give is that this is sometimes called "mania", NO, not manic, as in manic depressive, but mania and can be a false high.

    I still think you are overloading yourself so please be careful.

    Avoid the stimulants. After a huge high the inevitable crash might be unavoidable.

    Also, EAT! You need to eat. Foods do not give you immediate and massive highs and lows so can be safely taken.

  • thank you mate,

    the reason i write this is really to try and find the underlying issue - the label that could perhaps fix all of this

  • Sometimes, or usually, there is more than one label that accompanies mental health issues.

  • Talk to a professional is all I can say. It's easy to make comparisons between things you say and things I recognise in myself and say "yeah that's what I've got". But it's not wise to base it on that.


  • thank you megu! :)

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