feeling low

[smartiesandbiscuits]

Hi everyone, this is a first time post but in advance, thank you kindly for your feedback:

so I was diagnosed with Chronic Fatigue Sydrome two years ago aged 16 but have been suffering with the symptoms for the last 4-5 years. This in itself brought low feelings as things I once took for granted such as going out with friends soon became something I was no longer able to do. On bad days, I would have such little energy I wouldn't be able to walk up the stairs or dry my own hair. Some days I would be able to go out but i would suffer the consequences the next day after over-doing-it. Set backs made me miserable and feel hopeless as if i would never be able to have a normal life again. My group of friends at school did not understand or have sympathy for my illness as when I was able to go to school, I looked fine. Due to my continued days off we soon drifted apart and one girl took this as the perfect opportunity to spread lies about me and so when I did return to school, unaware, no one was speaking to me. For these reasons I hated school and was very down a lot of the time. After leaving school and joining college, I soon realized that I could not cope with the physical and mental work load (with little support from tutors) and so paid to do a course from home. At the same time some pretty traumatizing stuff happened between myself and my boyfriend and we broke up. The situation left me horrendously depressed every day waking up and thinking to myself 'why did i have to wake up'. I did not think of killing myself but desperately wished I could just die. After about three months of every day sever low moods, not wanting to get out of my bed to even eat, I rang a support line and had an hour counselling session. They suggested that I was suffering from a hormonal caused depression (caused directly by the traumatizing event) and that I should see my GP. However, I instead tried to just focus on myself by working for my mum 3 hours a week and gradually increasing the hours, as well as concentrating on my course work. I was/am very isolated with no friends to go out with or talk to. This did partially work as I got out of the deep depression I was in but I still had to wake up and make myself be happy, if that makes sense? I had to make myself focus and write lists of positive things and goals. This feeling has continued and I feel that even on 'good' days or weeks, I am never truly happy or ok, I'm just not feeling terribly down? on these 'good' days I still feel incredibly fragile and feel that I have to work really hard at simply getting through the day-to-day stuff. I do however, keep on having bad periods between these 'good' periods. These bad periods can last for days or weeks and have no real trigger, I just wake up and feel absolutely miserable and tearful. I want to do things but have no motivation to do them and I don't want anything like i'm not sad on these days because I want something... so i have no idea how to make myself feel better? I become indecisive and just feel uncontrollably miserable. They seem to go away on their own but as I said before, even when I'm not having a bad day, I feel like i have to force myself to be okay and it's a lot of work. These 'good' and bad periods have been ongoing since I got over the deep depression just over a year ago now but, as I am not deeply sad every day, I am unsure if what I am feeling is depression or what to do about it? I am interested in exercise as I have heard this helps but with my CFS, I still have to be careful that I don't over-exert myself. Can anyone relate to what I am feeling or give me any advice? Thankyou.