I think I may be depressed, and I'm feeling confused about what's happening. Please help.

[hidden_]

Hi, this is the first time I've posted on something like this...so I'm a bit nervous.

I'm going to be honest, it's taken quite a bit of courage to even do this little post.

Um, I don't really know there to start. I don't really know what's happening with me, I'm 17, and I have recently thought that I may be depressed in some form but I feel that some people have to live with much more serious problems than I do, so maybe I'm just being pathetic. I don't feel like I can talk to anyone who's too close to me in case they think I'm being over dramatic.

I would talk to my dad, but I can't bring myself to worry him, and I can't talk to my mum because, as much as I love her, she always seems quite critical of what I do, and if I tell her I might be depressed she would just tell me that I'm overreacting to something, or I have no reason to be...I feel like she would just brush it off and not take me seriously.

I don't really know when it started, I guess the first thing that started to go wrong was when I was under a lot of pressure last year and I felt the need to be completely perfect in everything I did, including my image, I went through a stage when I wouldn't eat, I got up earlier than everyone else so I wouldn't have to eat breakfast. I'd tell my dad that I had already made lunch, so I didn't eat lunch. And I would eat parts of my dinner so slowly that everyone else would finish before me and I could throw my dinner away. I lost a large amount of weight, and to be honest I think I did it because my mum said she thought I was heavier than I should be, I still wore (and wear) a uk size 8, I'm only 5ft. But I weighed around 8stone 5, which I was told was too heavy.

Then in November, I had persistent rows with my mum, which always resulted in me feeling rubbish about myself, and as if I could never do anything right, they would be about the most petty things, which is why I think I might just be being pathetic, but they affected me dramatically; we wouldn't go a day without arguing, and she was one of the most important people in my life (and still is), her opinion is the only that really matters so when I thought she felt I wasn't good enough, I started trying to cut myself. I did this a few times, and I told my dad the first time. He wanted to tell my mum, but I begged him not to. I didn't tell him the other times though, I had sworn to him that I wouldn't do it again.

It's got worse recently, I can't really be bothered to do anything, I keep thinking of all the things I need to do, and I put so much pressure on myself and get so stressed that I never bring myself to actually do anything. I have felt constantly down, and had panic attacks on the way to college. I'm absolutely exhausted and I'm questioning if there's much point in me trying to do anything anymore. I think it's normal for people to wonder if anyone would care if they just didn't exist anymore, but I have been thinking about it quite a bit recently. I'd like to think I wouldn't try anything like that, but at the moment I'm only getting worse. I just feel like I'm withering away. And I don't really know what to do.

I would appreciate any advice, or reply in some form. If I am being pathetic in any way, please let me know, because I don't know if it's serious or not. I just need someone to tell me. And I apologise, if I am being pathetic, if I've offended anyone who has had any serious problems depression related.

Thanks.

[loggerslot]

Hi, please take my advice that u must eat properly. To maintain a healthy mind and body you must not skip meals, the two work hand in hand. Secondly, if you feel your mum is not supportive or won't be understanding then don't worry about it. Your dad seems very understanding so stick with him. I also believe that your at that age where you will feel the peak of social pressures to change but try to resist it. Be yourself and be proud of who you are. You cannot please everyone by changing so by being yourself and finding your true kind nature you will attract those who can see you are different and unique. That is your character that will shine the most. With regards to self harming, you have a supportive dad and I would strongly advise you seek counselling. If you can go private then better but choice is yours if you want to go nhs route. Samaritans are very helpful and compassionate group so call them and see how you get on. it will take courage to take that next step but your dad is there to help you and opening up to him is key and telling him you need his support to get through this until you can stand on yoir own feet. You know everyone is here to support you so don't feel you have no one to turn to for support and advice

[hidden_ in reply to loggerslot]

Thank you so much.

My eating habits were affected least year, I think it was the first coping mechanism I felt I could go to when I felt under pressure.

A lot of people have suggested calling the Samaritans, so I'm going to try to do that as soon as I can. It might be difficult though because, as much as I want to, it'll be hard to find somewhere to call them. I don't really want to do it out of the house, for example in college, because it's too open; but I also can't really do it at home because it's guaranteed that someone will be listening in, probably one of my two younger brothers. I will try though.

Until I can find the right time to them, I think talking on here is helping quite a bit, it's nice to know that there are people out there (even if I don't know them) who are wiling to try to help me.

Thank you so much.

Alicia

[loggerslot in reply to hidden_]

if you have any friends you can trust then maybe going over to their house and making the call. I'm not sure if the line is chargable but you could i suppose just pay your friend towards the cost of the call. alternatively, you could try and ask at the hospital if you could make a confidential call to the samaritans. it pot luck but no harm in asking.

anything you want to talk about you know we are all here. just eat healthy and don't skip meals, enjoy what you eat, maybe try a few recipes as a way to encourage the thought that eating can be interesting and use that as one way to divert away from the negative thoughts. steady does it, if you experience any pitfalls in trying out cooking, don't take it to heart, just keep trying and you will suceed. its one of the ways i used to come out of depression.

[hidden_ in reply to loggerslot]

I think I might try to phone them tomorrow morning, as I don't start college until later and everyone else should be out.

Cooking is a really nice idea actually, I think it could work; by giving me something to concentrate on and to distract me from other everyday stresses.

Thank you so much

Alicia