What should i do?

[tasha555]

I apparently went to the doctors this time last year, feeling suicidal. I went back a week ago, and that's when she said i had been before with the same problem, i have been low, crying, irritated by others, intolerant of others, no motivation, taking up more work to keep busy but finding it a struggle with no motivation. I don't even want to go to work tomorrow, which is the easiest job in the world.

I went to the doctors Tuesday, seen the female doctor, she said counselling as a first choice, i agreed i'm happy to try it. But a week on i have spend yesterday and today moping about and today spent most of it crying, so booked an emergency up the doctors, i seen the male doctor, he knows of my twin already on tablets for depression, my mum use to, it runs in the family even my nan etc, but now i think it has caught onto me.

I spoke to him, burst ed out crying because i couldn't explain how i felt or didn't know how to explain it. He basically wrote more notes on his PC and turned me away, saying counselling will be around 8 weeks waiting, i can not wait 8 weeks, i am getting worse, these past two months are turning into three miserable months, right now i rather not face work tomorrow, it is not like me..

He was rushed this evening, he said about booking a proper appointment and talking properly so he can assess it! I spent 10mins explaining how i felt, and he turned me away, should i try and book another appointment tomorrow with him? The female doctor is away for a week, i really am asking for help now, i normally dont, i would normally just get by another week, i don't think i can carry on much longer with this cloud.

[Suzie40]

There's nothing the doctor can do about the eight week waiting list for counselling. Can I ask why you went with suicidal feelings, then waited a year to go back? That's an awful long time. I think he's been quite honest and sensible suggesting you go back for a longer appointment. GPs are responsible for a tiny bit of how we feel. The rest is up to us to manage, as ultimately we are responsible for our health. If you are in crisis you can call the Samaritans, or a number of a crisis team close to you. Alternatively, present yourself at A&E and ask for some urgent help. Hope things start to look up for you x

[teajay in reply to Suzie40]

Virtual therapist in the mean time. I see Mary Julia Klimenko, MFT, LPC

[vastopensky]

Hi, actually you could also phone your local mind charity or mental health rethink... again they may not be able to do anything immediately... but the information and support they offer you there might help you do the fire fighting until you can get some more substantial help... I expect that your doctor's surgery or the charities I've mentioned will have a telephone number for your local mental health crisis team, failing that NHS Direct will have it. Feelings of depression and thoughts of self harm/suicide can be very scary, and they can make us panic... try to remember that it is still your choice how you deal with all of this... try to face and accept that you are struggling, try to recognise that many, many people struggle in this way and that this is another unadvertised part of the human experience, it may take some time but you can find hope and recovery from how you are feeling at the moment. The key to it is actually to be kind to yourself, try not to argue with the feelings, or force yourself to try and feel something your not, but be gentle with yourself, your body and mind are trying to tell you something, it's important to learn to listen to that inner voice and learn to care for who you are on the inside... listen to what your body mind and soul are saying you need rather than the voices of the exterior world. you are the expert on being you... you are your own text book... learn from what's going on... remember that the counselling will be helpful so when it comes along take it and run with it. Start dropping in at your local mental health charity join an activity group with them or volunteer and learn what good mental health looks like... grab some skills now before it gets any worse. Try telling someone you trust how you feel and if you can find others who seem to have struggled with such feelings themselves and have coped well gather their wisdom to yourself. For me when I was so suicidal I felt if I moved from the very spot I was on it would only be to actually commit to attempting suicide I actually had to sit still in just my knickers on the landing for four hours until the feelings had passed. In that time I was tempted to move, I hugged my knees to my chest and I cried intermittently from the pit of my soul. Eventually the feelings did pass and some calm and actually exhaustion came with that. These things are mentally taxing and physically exhausting... please do take care, be gentle with yourself, you are a precious member of the human race and our world will be so much poorer without you... apart from anything else we need a body of people who have faced these horrors of the soul so that the next generation are not so poorly equipped to deal with it. I believe that even this struggle your experiencing now can be turned to good and can give you something to contribute to this world... don't despair yet... hold on in there. and sit still if you have to. Love and hugs, Kate

[vastopensky]

reading my reply I missed my vital point, it is this... These feelings do pass... when your in them they are so overwhelming that we panic or enact them, but in reality they are just a rather prolonged moment, for me it was a passive state that I lived with for longer than I can remember or count, but the active state which was most dangerous came in waves and lasted for bursts of a few hours at a time, sometimes only a few minutes... but it is possible to stare suicidal thoughts in the face and not give into them and to recover a much better life on the other side. So do hold in there. xxx K

[tasha555]

I really forced myself to work today, been having nightmares also this week! I'm feeling down and not upbeat. I rebooked for Tuesday as an appointment, if I feel any Better I can cancel. But this has been gong on longer than 2 months but it's only these two months it's effected me more. I do loads already I work 3 days for 6 hrs, I do beauty therapy around out of work hours I have also started working three days a week 10hr shifts in a factory & I do avon cosmetics plus I also do a counselling course level 2 Tuesday evenings, so keeping busy isn't the issue, and you might think it's silly I'm learning counselling I enjoy it but I couldn't face going this week, I avoided going, I couldn't be bothered! Not like me at all and it was only the 3rd lesson in!!!

[hookedandhelpless in reply to tasha555]

Firstly, you need to start taking some anti-depressants. Secondly, you have to accept the way you are feeling. Let it overwhelm you and take it in and do not fight it. You won't win in your present mindset. You are now suffering from brain fatigue so there is no way you can have rational or sensible thoughts. Accept it all. If you can't go to work or your other activities, don't go. Don't beat yourself up continually about it. You have a chemical imbalance in your brain. You are physically sick and it's not you fault. The more you fight it the sicker you will become. Get your medication and then re-think everything. In the meantime you could read Ruby Wax's book 'Sane New World'. It tells you all about the mechanics of the brain and also methods to help yourself get better. Trust me, I've been through it all. Take care and give your brain a rest. That's the most important thing to do first.

[tasha555]

Thank you all for replying, I have to wait till Tuesday for the doctor, plus my friend who I work with don't help, and moans if I have time off plus she's just booked two days off which means I'm covering -_-

[elaineanne1]

I would do as the doctor asks and make a double appointment, the usual time allowed for a appointment is 7 mins.

[scoobyd]

Sounds like my doctor he looks at me with contempt they make you feel guilty for going in the first place. Mine said that's the 3 rd time you've been here I was crying couldn't breathe he couldn't care less he suggested counselling or c.b.t but there's a waiting list and I've tried these before they don't work for me I bet if a doctor had these problems they would soon sympathise x