Hi ladies. So almost two months ago my boyfriend and I broke up. We had been talking about marriage and a house and kids. He told me he was saving for a ring. Then he broke up with me out of now where. Long story short, he's back, but he slept with this one girl in his class at least once a week for the whole time we were broken up. He was loyal and honest and incredible when we were together before so I have no reason not to trust him. I understand what happened when we were broken up shouldn't bother me, but I struggle with anxiety and depression and it's all I think about. He's trying very hard to help me through this hard time and he feels awful about what he did. But I can't stop imagining him being with someone the way he was with me. He said he was drunk every time but i still can't get out of my head about it. I want to get over this and I want to spend the rest of my life with him and I know I won't feel like this forever, but does anyone have tips on getting through this?
Guy advice: Hi ladies. So almost two months... - Women's Health
Guy advice
I feel your pain Iv been through this and would not wish the heart ache on anyone. I never got back with my ex after finding out as I believe if he could cheat when we was happy, he would hurt me again regardless of all the promises. I still wonder why now. My advise is be strong and don’t be a door mat for him. If he felt bad he wouldn’t have done it more than once
I think I would want to understand a bit more about why he ended things. Did he end things so he wouldn't feel guilty sleeping with someone else, or did he end things and just sleep with her as a rebound?
I suspect your problem is that mentally you hadn't quite accepted the break up yet, so would still perhaps have felt in a relationship. You feel cheated on, even if you guys weren't strictly together.
Do you feel secure in the relationship now you guys are back together, or do you have a fear he might do it again?
I never thought of it that way. I guess I do feel cheated on. I don't have any concerns about him and that girl, even though he will be continuing to see her every week until his semester is over. He was always loyal when we were together and he is an honest person down to the bone. However, I am concerned he's going to leave again. From what I understand, he initially left because he had a lot on his plate, which he realizes now you can't leave a relationship just because you're stressed, because life will always be stressful. He swore she was not a reason why he left me, and he even went as far as texting the girl and telling her that he had gotten back with me and that he regretted what happened and he hoped they could just be civil. So I do believe she was his (unhealthy) way of attempting to heal
I imagine in your shoes I'd almost be trying to pretend like the break-up didn't happen, so I could move on/past the fear it might happen again, if that's what's worrying you. It's a really tough one!
It's really positive that you aren't worried he might cheat on you while you're together, so I think with a bit of time you'll grow to feel more secure with the rest of your relationship & be able to accept it all. I don't think there's an easy answer to get past it any quicker.
Him sleeping with someone else would be a deal breaker for me. An ex boyfriend cheated on me and we split up because I felt like I could not trust him again.
What she's saying is that they broke up, he slept with someone else while they were broken up, but now they're back together she's struggling to accept he slept with someone else while they were separated.
I wouldn't want to be with someone who found a replacement for me that quick ... just my opinion
We all make mistakes and sometimes handle fears inappropriately. The key is to learn from this mistakes, forgive each other and make sure they don’t happen again. It sounds like you are both in your early 20s? Marriage, house, kids. Those are all huge commitments especially when you are so young and still in school. Those are especially scary things for most men, even if he did bring up the subject first or talked about it a lot. The more you discussed it and the closer he was to buying the ring, the more he probably felt things caving in on him, particularly if he is the responsible loving person you describe. If he is the type of person who takes marriage and family seriously and truly wants to be the best husband and father then the only way he could get out from under the pressure was to breakup and do something stupid because he didn’t know how to slow things down. He wants it, but he’s not really ready. Give him space, back off from the deep stuff and have fun. There is time for the committed. Time will tell if you are both committed to the relationship.
Coming from someone who is older, I’m in my 50s, and have seen lots of relationship drama in both my own and others relationships, my advice is to take things slow. If you truly love this person, work on building your friendship and trust backup. Stay clear of a physical relationship and go back to dating without sex. Sex can complicate things. Both of you need time to sort out why this happened. You need to build trust up again. Don’t spend every second together. Give yourselves space to enjoy time with friends, hobbies, school. Build up your self esteem doing things that make you feel whole without him. Believe me when I say marriage is a Long haul. Marriage is not easy, especially when you involve kids and a mortgage. Having a true sense of who you are, what you will accept from a man in how he treats you, having a self apart from the man- these are all necessary for a thriving marriage. If you had these things and he broke them through this episode, then you need time to repair them and build them back up so you can go back into the relationship whole. If, before this happened, you were dependent on him for your happiness, then take this time to figure out why and find happiness within yourself.
My guess is,he was reacting to the overwhelm and he isn’t really ready for that type of commitment YET. That doesn’t mean he won’t be in 6 months, a year, 2 years, 5 years. But, something inside him told him to run. It may or may not be because you are not the right person. Time can only tell you that. That’s why you need to protect yourself and your relationship by staying strong, taking things slow, building back trust and having fun. Even though it’s hard not to obsess ( take it from an obsessoholic), just stop talking and thinking about it all the time. Focus on doing fun things by yourself and together as a couple. Take the pressure off yourselves. Enjoy being young without all the responsibilities. If you stay together, this will only be the first of many hard trials you will go through in marriage. Watch closely how both of you handle this. Can you forgive each other? How do you forgive each other?, how do you take out your disappointment with each other? How do you talk about it- by fighting, screaming, crying, pointing fingers, or by explaining how you are feeling, why it hurt you, how can things be handled differently in the future? It’s understandable you feel the way you do now, but If you spend time with him having fun and rebuilding your relationship and he appears committed to you and you find over time you can’t move on from this, then look into some counseling to discover why you can’t forgive. You both deserve happiness.
Sounds like you both really love each other. Good luck.
This was incredibly helpful. I can't thank you enough for that. That's the approach I'll try- taking things slowly and having fun. Thank you so much for taking the time to say all of that!
Oh, you are so welcome, my dear! Wishing you every happiness.
It is natural to feel betrayed and upset by him being with someone else.
Zazzel made some good suggestions and points that may be useful to you. It sounds like you are loyal to him, and if you want things to continue on the road toward marriage there are some things that you can do to be more successful.
Try taking a step back from the physical relationship and set some boundaries. Is he seeking satisfaction in your body or does he love you the person? Taking a step back from hormones and feelings connected with sex may help you to get a better sense of that. Who knows if it might set you up for a more successful marriage if you decide on it down the road.
Try to set up a bigger support system. Have you been seeing a counselor for your anxiety and depression? Do you have friends or family that you can safely share more of your life with?
Do you have hobbies or skills that you can pursue? Or areas where you can volunteer?
Would he be willing to join you in this?
Hope that helps and best wishes to you
I am really sorry you are going through this right now. I would suggest slowing things down. Sounds like he may not be right for you at this time and you both need to find yourselves before making any sort of committment. Make sure you are taking care of yourself and that your needs are being met outside of him. Allow yourself to be your own person with your own interests and find a few good friends (if you don't already have them) to lean on and trust. I will be praying for you to find wisdom, trust your gut and that howver things work out that you would be at peace with your decisions.
don`t want to become pregnant,but husband wants a child
I really need your help. 
Being cheated on 💔💔💔
Dr Unhelpful 
Fear ‘altruistic’ helpers! the smoothest way of making you defenseless!
