I didn't want to post on the DD and drag it down but I wanted to explain why I won't be joining in much, if at all for a while.
The last few days have been a roller coaster of emotions, we had a much needed and amazing break away, just my husband, myself and one of the dogs for a long weekend, getting back Monday evening. It was just what we needed and I came back feeling much better than I had for a while.
As many of the lovely people on here know my youngest daughter was pregnant and due to having a miscarriage last year, she had a reassurance scan at 7 weeks. Sadly they couldn't find a hear beat, but then a follow up scan with revealed the baby had grown and they detected a fluttery heart beat. We were told daughter must have her dates wrong and all seemed well, but they would do a follow up scan a week later, just to make sure all was ok.
Yesterday we went for the scan but the baby didn't have a heartbeat and hadn't grown at all, my daughter had no signs that anything was wrong, so was devastated.
We were sent to another hospital 20 miles away for surgery, but ended up staying all day as they were so short staffed, so she is now booked in for surgery tomorrow morning.
Yesterday was draining as we sat mostly in a corridor next to the maternity unit and there were lots of pregnant ladies walking past and also lots of new parents leaving with their new babies. We were not kept informed and had no access to food or drink. My husband was trying to amuse my 2 year old grandson all day, while we waited.
Today I am going to work, but tomorrow I will be trying to support my daughter and deal with my own sadness, which at times feels overwhelming. She will also be staying with us for a few days so she is not on her own, her partner is not being very supportive.
Thank you for your continued support, I will try to get on when I can, although the next few days are going to be very emotional for us all. 😥 xx
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Loraine518
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That is so sad, Loraine. You must all be devastated. And the way you have been dealt with (I can't say 'cared for') has made it so much harder.
Maybe, when this is more distant, you'll give some feedback to the hospitals involved, but that's for another day much further down the line. Take care of yourself and we'll see you when you're ready to join in again 😘
Thank you Bridgegrrrl, It's certainly been emotional over the last few days and I may well give feedback to the hospital at a later date. Hopefully if enough people point out how insensitive the current system is, things may change.
I am so sorry to read your news. It is so hard for you to see your daughter suffering and knowing that you are helpless to make it all better. Your support of her is wonderful and you are doing a great job. Please try to look after yourself a little in this tough time. Just to let you know, I had 4 miscarriages and still ended up with 8 wonderful children! Let's hope your daughter's partner processes his own issues to become more supportive. Be well and enjoy your grandson.
Thank you for your kind words, hopefully my daughter will go on to have another little one in time. On the plus side her partner has taken time off work and is being really supportive, which is what she needs right now. My grandson is a godsend and has kept us all sane as only a 2 year old can.x
So relieved, Loraine, to read your update. I was quite concerned for you. So glad your daughter's partner is on side now and yes, enjoy every moment of your grandson. Take time for a treat for you as well! Sending your daughter tons of positivity: may she heal physically so that she can heal emotionally a little more slowly at her own pace. Be well.
sending you virtual hugs, having been in her situation 30 years ago, with similar lack of empathy at the hospital, I fully understand the sense of grief alongside your desire to support her. I often think “of the one that got away”, but knew that there would have been some reason for it,… and so hopefully your daughter will, in due course, carry full term.
And take care of yourself so you can be her much needed support
Thank you, it is difficult enough without the lack of empathy we received. However today the staff gave been lovely. My daughter is consoling herself with thinking there was a reason and as she already has a healthy child, hopefully she can have another. X
Sorry you, your daughter and family are going through tough times. Thank goodness for the 2-year old who is providing much joy.
I've learned hospital staff sometimes are in such a routine, short-staffed and very stressed, they forget about the person(s) in need. A subtle hint doesn't always provide the desired results. I've said to nursing staff, and even doctors, my (wife/daughter/husband/child) is feeling _______ (fill in your own words) and we need some guidance and support, can you help us? Something along those lines. Has worked. Then, if the hospital policies are just absurd talk to the head floor nurse, social workers of the hospital and so on - when you can.
Thank you and yes we are lucky having Theo, to keep us going and make us smile.
I think the hospital is very understaffed and they don't have enough side rooms, so whilst waiting patients have to sit in the corridor and because they have merged wards recently, it makes things more difficult. However the staff today were very caring and sensitive and doing their best in difficult circumstances. I think it's managers making decisions that make it hard for staff and patients alike that need to hear the impact it's having. I'm just glad today is over and we can hopefully get through the next few days and process things and move forward.
Oh Loraine, that is so sad and i send big hugs to you and you're daughter. I can't believe that hospitals still can't cater for women who are having problems with their pregnancy. I had a threatened miscarriage and was put in a ward with women and their new babies and i have several friends who experienced the same as your daughter but that was 30+ years ago!!
I'm sorry to hear your daughters partner isn't being supportive but i know you and your daughter will manage this together once you are both at home.
Take your time to process the grief and get back to a new normal, and we will see you when you are ready.
Hi springersrule, yes it is sad and Tuesday was very difficult for us all, it didn't help that the wards have merged and so there are not enough rooms, meaning patients must sit for hours in a cold corridor. The staff today were great and tried to make it as painless as possible, given the circumstances and I am just grateful its all over with no complications.
My daughters partner has been much more supportive and took time off work to be with us today and they seem to be much stronger together which is good.
Thank you for your kind words, we are doing ok and have talked a lot today, trying to process and come to terms with everything. I know we will get through this and hopefully find some sort of normal. ❤ xx
Hi Loraine, i'm so glad things were better on tuesday and the staff were on top form. I know the wards and nurses are having a hard time but a little thought can go a long way. Lovely to hear your daughters partner has stepped up, maybe it just took time for it to sink in.
You will both get through it in time. More love and hugs to you all 💖 xx
This is awful news, Loraine. Sending love and hugs to you and your family ❤❤❤.
Take all the time you need to grieve but, if you need to talk, or let off steam, then please do use the DD. You don't have to post meal plans or comment on other posts but please know that we are here to support you. ❤.
I am so sorry Loraine, It seems your weekend away was meant to be, to set you up for with the strength you will need to get you and your daughter in fact the whole family through this sad time. Sending you love and healing prayers.
I’m so sorry to hear this sad news. Be there for your daughter while taking care of yourself during this time. I’m sorry that her partner is. Not being as supportive as you’d like. I’m sure he is dealing with the loss himself as well. If you need any emotional support from us we’ll all be here! Sending hugs and support to you all x
Thank you purple_ums_2, I am making time for myself when I can and we are getting there. Her partner has been much more supportive and that has helped. xx
I am so sorry, Loraine. My first pregnancy ended in miscarriage and I remember the overwhelming grief. Wishing you and your daughter all the strength that you will need to get you through this tough time xx
Thank you bikegrrrl, that must have been so traumatic especially being your first pregnancy, at least my daughter has her son to help get her through. xx
Just wanted to say thank you so much for all the kindness and support from everyone here, most of the family are unaware of any of this. I'm trying to act as if nothing has happened to the rest of the family and be strong for my daughter, who although she and I have a great relationship, can sometimes make thoughtless remarks. Someone at the hospital asked if I was okay and afterwards my daughter asked why should I be upset as I wasn't the one going through it. I know she is grieving and probably only able to process her own grief as she is also not being very understanding towards her partner, or my husband, so it's not personal. That's why having support here has helped me so much and is helping me to get through and be strong and supportive towards my daughter.
Yesterday was a long, emotional day, we were up at 4.30 am to get to the hospital by 6am and we got home about 1.45pm. Waiting outside the operating theatre was difficult and seemed to take forever.
The only good thing to come out of all this is that my daughters partner has really stepped up and is being very supportive and caring and they seem stronger than ever. I think it's made them both realise what they want and what is important.
I am working today and then we will all try to work through our sadness and grief together over the weekend and hopefully start to get back to some sort of normal and move forward.
Once again thank you for all your continued support. xxx
There are no words just being there for your daughter and each other at this time is everything while the pain and sadness envelopes you all.Bless all of you.
Hi Loraine, I am so very sorry to hear this. I don't know you but I have been where your daughter is - I lost my first child at 40 weeks after 6 years of infertility. I had no mum (she died when I was 20). I missed her so much. Like your daughter I didn't have a supportive husband. When something like this happens it is totally devastating for all concerned. I feel for you as a granny and for your daughter. People may be kind but some may be very unkind without meaning to because it is such a difficult area. Rarely spoken about and people cannot express their feelings. A neighbour crossed the road to avoid me; someone else said my mum wanted her with her. People want to say something to help but often either say nothing or the wrong thing. To be honest nothing anyone says helps because it hurts so very much.
If you would like to inbox me, I can listen to any rants you might want to rant - it's good to have someone who will forget and you don't know . Please cry lots.
All I can do is reiterate how sorry I am and send you my deepest sympathy.
Morning Scaffie, I am so sorry you had to go through that at such a young age and without your mum to support you through it. I agree it is a subject that isn't spoken about enough although many people seem to have been affected by it. I also feel that many people don't know what to say and can sometimes be very unkind because of this. There should be more awareness and it should be talked about more, people have said to me, oh luckily it was very early days, as if that makes it hurt less.
I am lucky that I have very supportive friends at work and they have helped me so much and put up with my lack of focus at work lately. My daughters partner has really stepped up and is now being very supportive and they are stronger than ever, which has helped us both, as I am relieved she has him as well as me to turn to. I also think that my grandson has helped us as he has given my daughter a focus through this sad time.
Thank you so much for reaching out, I have cried lots, especially when I'm on my own and my daughter and I have talked a lot too and we are getting through it together. Take care. xx
It is clear the NHS hasn’t moved on as surely it is common respect not to have a patient going through the trauma of miscarriages in same place as pregnant women. I thought this was a thing of the past and I would be sending a letter to the highest of authority as this has been going on too long . I can’t imagine what it is like as I haven’t ever gone through this but know plenty who have . I would be angry and sad too .
Hello focused1, sadly the people who make the decisions are not around to see the consequences of their actions. The staff we saw were very apologetic and trying their in a very difficult situation and when we went in for the procedure, they were very caring and kind. I will probably highlight the issues when I'm feeling up to it, but I'm not sure it will do any good. I only hope things will improve in the future.
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Feeling sad...
Slowed down now.
Nice comment from old work colleague
What a year
