I started my weight loss journey (properly, not just fads, if that makes sense x) in 2019. My then bf had proposed and I hated looking in the mirror because I was 19.4st. I have blogs of my own for my journeys so i won't go into too much detail here lol, but long story short, I struggled since February this year to lose more weight (I was then 17.3st, so still a difference). My mother is a huge trigger because I grew up knowing (I mean, she literally told me to my face many a time) I wasn't wanted, wasn't loved and I meant nothing unless I was useful.... I grew up being starved - my grandfather didn't feed me when my siblings and I went over for days at a time... I was reduced to stealing, and if I was caught I was beaten, so I just got sneakier. I would like to say, I have NEVER stolen from shops or from friends, but only from bins or leftover plates ect, occasionally I raided my mothers' kitchen. My family and friends used to take things from me, whether it was in my hand or not, so I started hoarding food. It's an issue I still have today, and I was recently diagnosed with Bulimia after nearly 2 decades of fighting for answers when my loved ones insisted I was after attention, greedy, a liar so on so forth. I got into self-harming and attempted suicide a few times, but... here I am. When I took food from my kitchen, it wasn't always because I was hungry, but because I liked the security of having food hidden that no one else knew about and so couldn't take.... sometimes, when I was alone, I would look at whatever item and just smile... crazy, or...? Anyhow, I was caught and I was severely punished. Counsellors got involved and my mother did her part beautifully, crying and saying no matter how much food they gave me it was never enough and how I was the one stealing food from the others... I never measured up and it's only in the past month or so I've stopped trying. My current therapist has been amazing and I can't praise her enough - it's thanks to her I'm more aware of my self-destructive patterns in starving myself then over-eating and suchlike, but thanks to her I am now 16.11st and I feel more secure (at times!) in myself. I still have triggers, I get fat-shamed a lot and this hurts because most of these people don't know me and don't know I have medical problems that make weight loss a lot harder than it would normally be. I hope to continue my journey here and to see more results and to (I hope) hear from people who are or have been in similar places and found the strength they need/ed to get through.
Thank you for reading x