Hello, I don’t know how to make it short and simple. Basically, I just feel like I am failing at everything. I just hate when I want to do something and then I stumble upon an ocean of solutions and none of them work and then it turns into “you should do this”, “do this instead”, “no, do this”… And… I wish that my body could talk so it could tell me which solution to choose.
I am just so frustrated that so many things are like that with me. Getting friends, writing, and now weight loss. The Navy Body Fat Calculator is telling me that I am 9% body fat but I don’t trust it. I am sorry if it comes off as me being disrespectful or delusional. But maybe I am 9% body fat but I don’t look like it.
I see all these people on TV with toned bodies and I am just sad. I don’t know what to do. Should I choose the caloric surplus or the caloric deficit to get better? I have no idea.
Honestly, what frustratres me the most is to compare my pictures and I can see that my chest and arms and waist got better. Maybe my stomach too. Like in the mirror, I have a flatter stomach but I only see faint abs since two months I think. I feel like my abs have plateaued and I have no idea what to do.
I started losing weight because a guy on a gay dating site told me that me that I needed to lose weight and that I should go on a chubby dating site instead. It was four months ago but it still makes me sad. Because I feel like I lost so much weight but that my abs are not showing for some reason.
I was looking in the rules but I couldn’t find if personal pictures are allowed. Can I post pictures of myself here? Because I feel like I am 12% body fat instead of 9% honestly.
Because if my veins are not showing and if I can only see a faint outline of my abs, maybe it means that I still have too much fat covering my abs?
Do you guys know what I should do? (sorry if I posted in the wrong community btw)
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SadDonkey
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You seem to be putting a lot of pressure on yourself to look a certain way and I'm not sure what I can say to help. The best approach I found here is to eat well and weight loss will follow - not always easy but it does make sense and is a healthy approach. You will see how other members approach weight loss by joining in the daily diary and Fit is Fun club. You'll find them and all our other activities by following this link healthunlocked.com/weight-l... to Pinned Posts.
I just feel like the pressure will go away once I look a certain way honestly.
By the way, do you know if the Navy Body Fat Calculator is accurate? Because it said that I am 9% and three others said around the same thing. But then another said 15% so idk...
I am just... I am so tired of working out and being on a diet and then I feel like my belly fat is the same...
I agree with what you said because I did what you said. I ate well and worked out and I lost weight, but I feel like I didn't lose belly fat.
I've no idea about that Calculator but if several others say the same, it's probably reliable. Being "on a diet" isn't sustainable. Could you simplify it? Eat real food, home cooked. Avoid ultra processed stuff. Do exercise/activity you enjoy.
I feel like I did so much exercises but my abs look so ugly in the mirror. Like, all those people have ridges and abs popping out. Meanwhile, I have flat abs and I don't know what to do. I am tired of having to lose weight and having to work out. People say to be patient but when I take pictures, I see no progress on my abs.
They don't look chiseled at all. I hate looking at them in the mirror and I hate that I see no progress at all. No matter how much weight I lose and no matter how much time I have worked out, my abs are still the same ugly...
Completely honestly XD. I feel like I am too harsh with myself but then I feel like that if I am not if am being unrealistic. I guess I should try to be in the middle. But in my mind, if I don't look like the models on TV, then it's not working.
I try to eat more, but I don't want to be fat again. I see all these posts about eating 5Ks of calories everyday to get abs and I don't know what to make of them.
Do you think I could like eat normally and still develop abs? Without undereating or overeating? By just eating enough proteins and carbs?
Also, could I post progression pictures of my abs so you could tell me if they are staying the same or if there is some progression?
Your 'belly fat' is probably not fat but an inflamed gut from eating high GI foods and refined seed oils posibly containing Glyphosate residues. High GI foods are mosstly processed carbohydrates like refined sugar, white bread and fruit juice. I only use saturated or monounsaturated fats like cold pressed olive oil or coconut oil.
It could take six months, maybe more. Depends how rigorous you are in aviding them. Inflammation will affect your whole body to some extent so you might notice improved breathing, mood and less headaches (because inflammation of nerves can promote anxiety and depression) and improved sleep.
Swelling often accompanied by increased sensitivity. If the swelling is in the walls of a vessel e.g. an airway or bloodvessel it can mean a reduced internal diameter and flow restriction.
Hi SadDonkey, the most telling phrase for me from your post was “I started losing weight because a guy on a gay dating site told me that me that I needed to lose weight and that I should go on a chubby dating site instead“. You are putting yourself under pressure because of the nasty words of a stranger and because of media images that promote their concept of an ideal image that few can actually achieve. Neither can everyone be a paid author straight away, or find fame on YouTube, personal success can be achieved in other ways. Do you have any interest in playing sport? There are local leagues for gay football teams, maybe you could join a team, make friends, get fitter, healthier and realise that not everyone has a media perfect body but can still be happy and enjoy life.
It's just. I struggle with walking outside and social interaction. That's why I mostly used to do online dating. I just don't know. I am so used to trying to out and meeting people only for them to turn into nasty people that sometimes I just wish I could move on an island full of birds and plants and never with any person ever.
I don't know why I am so obsessed with getting abs and a boyfriend when another part of me just want to be alone forever. All I know is that it is so hard to find a stable self love when I don't have outside eyes to tell me that I'm attractive.
I tried therapy and all, but it's still there. I lost hope in people and at the same time I am still looking for that one guy who will be nice to me...
Hi SadDonkey, I’m wondering if perhaps you should be looking to make friends rather than searching for THE one who will be your happy ever after. Put the dating scene on the back burner for a while, look for groups where the emphasis is on social activity instead. Perhaps we are lucky where I live, because I know there are plenty of places where gay members of my extended family can go, and just meet and relax in a comfortable environment, without any pressure to look for a partner, and find friendships and support. I hope you find similar welcoming safe places.
Hello @SadDonkey I think you're looking for love. Its important to find someone who loves you how you are now, because it will be unworkable to start a relationship with someone who only loves you for your abs. 😀
I am a 73 year old woman. I have never, all my life, appreciated my body or thought it was good enough. Looking back now with my wrinkly body I realise it was always beautiful how it was and I regret not appreciating that at the time.
I would love to have that 22 year old body that I thought was ugly now. But it's too late for me, but not for you. So I hope you aren't just dismissing these words as an old lady rambling. Hopefully you will be 73 one day too and have wrinkling saggy bits and a loving partner (like I have) who loves you just the way you are.
So love and appreciate your body now and someone else, a special person, will notice that you are good at loving and want to be loved by you. That's the way it works. Good luck in your search.
Honestly, I still struggle with having faith in people with all the hatred outside. I feel like the people around me are either evil or fake nice.
I don't know. I just feel like kind and people with beautiful souls like you all live far away from me.
I hope it doesn't sound like I am being ungrateful about my youth, but it's just that I do try. Like, I tried online dating but it doesn't work. I tried having friends but it didn't work.
I feel like my heart gets hurt over and over and I am tired of trying with people when all people do is hurting me.
I feel like so many people around me are blind and don't see how much hurt they do. And I am tired of trying to interact with people when they will never change.
In a perfect world, there would be nice people everywhere, but I don't there are any in that place.
Agree with hjskev...you are not looking for bigger abs or less body fat (you are already below average in fat percentage, and I wouldn't be surprised if you had bigger abs than anyone on this site) you are looking for love and approval. And anyone who gives you love and approval only BECAUSE of your fat/abs is (IMO) not the one you want love FROM.
The jerk (a modified term I am using to be polite--I'd love to use something stronger :o) who suggested you ought to switch to the "chubby" dating site is not worthy of your attention. Maybe part of the problem is, the people who are judging based on looks are NOT nice people. You're right.
Think about it: do you only like people because of their haircuts? Maybe you need to quit the gym and go for walks in the park. Maybe you should use the extra time to join a group of some sort...therapy? A gardening class? An animal rescue? Somewhere nice, caring people might be? Far away from people who care about abs, anyway.
I would love to join a gardening or animal rescue group honestly!
Maybe one day when I'll feel better going outside.
Tbh, right now I far away from everyone and only stay at home with the ones who are amazing to me.
I am struggling to go outside since I have this "Garden of Eden" idea of staying inside and not going out lol. That's why I do online dating, because I don't have to be physically in front of someone who could hurt me.
Thanks a lot for being nice to me. I'm trying to have a thicker skin, but I guess that rejection is hard for most people and the guy was indeed a jerk.
I just feel better in my "Garden of Eden", you know? Maybe with time my heart will heal and it'll get better.
That's OK. I mean, the writing is...not the way you feel. I'll bet everyone in this group wants you to get better and feel better, and if writing folks here about anything helps you, then you should. This is a great cheerleading squad, every which way, I have found.
But worrying about/trying to find solutions to your body size or shape doesn't sound like it actually has anything to do with your problem, right? Not that I'm trying to push you off this site, but are there online sites for folks who are lonely? Who fear getting out and about? Who fear being judged? Who just want no-strings-attached friendship? Others to chat with...about nothing in particular at all?
I don't know, but someone else here might.
Stay here, and try to find one of those as well! Then write back!
The person who left you a negative barbed comment/s may be having a terrible time in their lives and/ or could be suffering from some mental illness you will never know.
As other contributors have already said, eat whole healthy foods, cut out mostly all the crap foods but not all as it would be to much pressure to put on yourself.
Exercise should be fun otherwise it's a chore and is not sustainable in the long term.
Find some exercise ( movement basically ) that you like and then you will be consistent with it long term.
Patience ! Patience ! Patience !
The people with the six packs etc have fortunately for them inherited great DNA, while the rest of us need years of consistency to get there.
So don't panic, stop giving yourself an unrealistically hard time and dig in.
You seem to be governed by a load of complex stats and one person remarking about you . Take the remark then as an action plan . No complex figures . Food . 3 meals a day and no snacks . Decent unprocessed food . Cook from scratch and watch portions . This becomes lifestyle not diet . If at first you prefer indoors then do via You Tube . Zumba is an all over workout for men and women . If you really don’t go out at all then you need professional guidance . Do the basics . Get a free app that you can scan barcodes . I recommend MFP as this is the only one I ever used and after a month of tuition I ditched it . Most people know what to eat but if you don’t buy rubbish then you are 90% there . General weigh loss will flatten your stomach to some extent but don’t expect miracles . Kick start if you are really at a loss with advice from a personal trainer . Just a few sessions to pinch advice and get a tailored regime going which won’t physically damage you. They would answer your questions about stats and myths too .
Hi Sad Donkey I read your post a few times. Here’s what I think. I am not a weight loss expert and many others here are better placed to help in that area. The feelings that you are failing at everything are maybe where your focus should shift to for a while. Some times we focus on weight loss hair colour clothes etc because we think if we change those things we are going to be in a better place and gain confidence and love ourselves more. Rarely is that the case it starts with understanding why we are struggling and letting others influence our self belief . The comment has been very hurtful to you and if we feel okay with ourselves these things are dismissed as rude and unacceptable which they were. If we lack self belief and acceptance they are going to hurt big time. I would suggest you try and find someone to explore these issues…and then won’t be so worried about percentages of fat and can focus on finding better friends and knowing your okay and and not being harsh on yourself. 🙂
Agree -I think you nailed it. I have been thinking about how to reply/help but I dont think a list of abs exercises is the solution here.
Sadly some people think it is okay to be so rude online - glad to say this is not the case on this site where I have found everyone to be very helpful and supportive and would recommend joining in the various activities here to help with weight loss.
Guides to chiselled abs available on other sites💪😀
I understand. To jump on the "failing at everything", I would say that it's the same with therapy. I feel like I am trying to talk with a therapist but it fails. And then I was told "you have to keep trying until you find the right therapist" and I thought "again?". This feeling of having to keep trying and keep failing is just so exhausting. That's why I'm at a point where sometimes I think about never trying to interact with outside people. Some people are born with a six pack, others are born with childhood friends, even childhood love...
Some people don't have to try for things I keep trying and putting efforts in and that I keep failing at. Some people have billions of friends and a perfect body and I'm not asking for that much. I don't want a six pack, even a four pack would be nice...
How come that people like sometimes ask for less and it's always the same people who gets everything? Life is not fair and the more days go by the more I am convinced to stay inside and never go out. Life is hard for so many people, I get it. But I think all of us have the right to be exhausted and say stop. And right now I am saying stop to therapy, to friendship, even to love. I am tired of opening to other people and being disappointed and worse. I am tired of knowing that some people were born with real friends and love around them and I have to digging through a bunch of vampires. Well I say stop to that. I am tired of getting hurt. I am tired of going out and coming back home with a heartache. I am tired of hypocrites and liars.
Meeting the right people is about seeing the red flags but it's also about luck and I don't have that much luck with meeting people. My heart is a lizard's tail, it won't grow back if I keep cutting it off.
You may need some professional help to work through the way you are feeling. Learning to love yourself is half the battle. The person who made the upsetting remark clearly isn't a nice person.
You will find plenty of support here for losing weight so, if you feel like joining in with some of the events, you will find people cheering you on.
Just one final thought - very few people have perfect bodies and the ones you see in pictures and on TV are frequently airbrushed or filtered. Most of them don't look like that in real life.
Unsure on your location and whether you go out at all but I found a walking group both exercise and therapy . People tend to be older thus more understanding. Many have lost partners so have that vulnerability and come to chat . Another is a course at a local night school . If this is daunting then I would seriously chat to your GP who will have contacts . Libraries have groups too . I feel the route to this might be social interaction where you are busy doing other things as sitting at home means total access to food and over thinking . Once you break the barriers of mixing with others I feel that the body issues won’t really go away but will dilute as you will realise that your friends will be all shapes and sizes with issues that you will be relieved you haven’t got . The body image will be impossible to completely shed but the route is to gain inner personal confidence which isn’t achievable alone so I wouldn’t pay for therapy . I would strive to research local venues .
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