Major attack of self doubt : Sorry to be... - Weight Loss Support

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Major attack of self doubt

41 Replies

Sorry to be posting this, it's a weird post of whingeing, worry, misery, confusion and major self doubt.

I haven't been on the scales for 6 weeks and won't be getting on them again until my WI day on Wednesday but I'm feeling mega nervous about it. I have worked really hard on my general fitness and portion control for the duration of Lent and now that its over I'm worried that I'm going to lose all control. I still haven't told my family that I'm losing weight but they know I'm trying to improve my health due to the pandemic, when I mentioned to my brother that I'd gone on my first bike ride in over a year this morning he used the words "I'm proud of you". This has made me stress and feel unbelievable pressure. While I've enjoyed not getting on the scales and experienced NSVs I'm terrified of what they'll tell me on Wednesday. I feel like I'm now letting my brother down if I slip up.

On top of that while I'm generally happy with the progress I've made since last June I'm still so unhappy with what I see in the mirror. I'm about a third of the way through my journey and its incredibly unmotivating to see the huge rolls of fat still clinging to my body. I'm still morbidly obese, still too large to shop in normal clothes shops and still too heavy to do all the things I want to do, the self doubt that I'm gonna collapse back into the cycle of binge eating and no exercise is quite strong atm.

I hope it passes soon.

Thank you for reading this, Happy Easter


41 Replies
BridgeGirl profile image

Hi, you don't sound as though you're whingeing, just very anxious.

Good for you on getting your bike out. Building up activity steadily can make you feel better about yourself and the longer, sunnier days should help. There's no need to tell your family or anyone that you're losing weight: just get on with what you're doing and chat on here.

You mention positives such as that you're a third of the way through your journey - after 9 months that sounds like a pretty big achievement and if you could get to a weight you're happy with in another 12 - 18 months, that would really be something to congratulate yourself on. I'm guessing you put weight on over a long period so making significant changes in 2-3 years doesn't sound long, in those terms. Don't expect too much too soon as that can be demoralising but 1/3 of the way is a very long way: don't underestimate it.

Another positive is your brother's supportive comment. You've been around the forum long enough to see many members who have no support, or "friends" and family being positively obstructive. Your brother is acknowledging your commitment and the steps you're taking, not the end outcome: take it for what it is, encouragement and recognition.

I wonder if you enjoy your new way of eating. Is it a way you'll be happy to eat for life? That's important if you are going to hang onto those gains. If you hate it and find it punishing, see what changes you can make, new foods, new recipes, so you have some pleasure in your food. You may need to shift from the "portion control" mindset to an eating well mindset.

It sounds like NSVs work better for you than what the scales tell you. Remind yourself of those when you hate what you see in the mirror. And if you don't want to step on the scales, no-one is making you: use your own measures of progress. You can join the Wobble Warriors, chat, support and encourage your team and give your update in NSVs if that's best for you. Lytham is hosting this Wednesday and she wouldn't want you to be dreading it. None of your team would.

How about giving the Daily Diary a go? It may give you new ideas for meals and enjoying your food. I think that's an important next step for you.

Take care :)


Lytham profile image
Lytham3 stone in reply to BridgeGirl

We're right behind you hun whatever the outcome but I've got every faith in you! :-) x

in reply to Lytham


in reply to BridgeGirl

Thank you for your reply.I'd never thought of this as anxiety, but I now think I am. Not getting on the scales has helped a lot but I need to check in once in a while so I'm gonna only get on them once a fortnight from now on.

I'm definitely happy with my new way eating, I'm rarely hungry, love my food and I don't feel deprived, old habits being hard to break is the problem, like you say they took years to develop and its gonna take time to get out of that mindset for good.

The food diary doesn't work for me sadly because if I were it down in my notebook and then write it into the forum's food diary I start to get obsessive over everything I eat, logging it all down in my Disney notebook is working really well for me.

Thank you again. Head is a bit clearer now

BridgeGirl profile image
BridgeGirlAdministrator in reply to

That all sounds good. Keep tuning in to what's right for you :)

Hopewhispers profile image
Hopewhispers in reply to

What you're saying there about old habits being hard to break is true for most people losing weight, from my experience I've built up bad habits around food and what I'm doing is forming and trying to form new healthier habits around food, I've found that making one change at a time works well, work on one healthy habit, it could be around food, routine, exercise, sleep and then get used to it. When u feel confident around one new habit work on the next, if it's too much too soon it gets overwhelming in my experience, its about pace and u dont need to compare yourself to anyone else's journey, ur journey is yours and that's ok

in reply to Hopewhispers

So true. Thank you 😊

siggie profile image
siggie1st 7lbs

If getting on the scales is making you feel anxious, and you feel better using NSV as a tool for measuring your success, then continue to do that❤Getting back on a bike is no mean feat and you should be proud of how far you've come, again no means feat. You keep doing what you're doing and feel free to moan, whinge or whatever, but please go easy on yourself, you're doing a great job so far❤😊

in reply to siggie

Thank you very much. I've been waiting to get back on the scales for weeks now and I've built it up too much in my head. Need to be realistic about what I'll see on Wednesday and all should be grand.

N-o-r-d-i profile image

I don’t know what your brother has in mind when he says ‘I’m proud of you’ but I highly highly doubt that he means ‘I’m proud of you as long as you take your bike out every day for at least three hours from now on and don’t you dare to let me down’ 😊 the pressure of not letting someone down often comes from within... I know for sure that I have watched your journey on here and I definitely admire what you have achieved already. I wish from all my heart that the scales will show the number that makes you happy, but if it doesn’t - will I be disappointed or stop admiring the effort you put in and what you achieved? Certainly not. I think that working hard at portion control and general fitness over a period of time is already an achievement worth celebrating, regardless of the number on the scales. Also, one third of the journey is a very big part of it. Slip ups do happen. How we deal with them what matters. Writing this post must have also been a part of dealing with the current feelings, at least I hope so. Sending lots of good vibes to you! 🤗

in reply to N-o-r-d-i

Thank you very much, I hope my roller coaster journey so far hasn't been to maddening to witness. Head is clearer now, must have been the good vibes 😉

N-o-r-d-i profile image
N-o-r-d-iModerator in reply to

I’ve been riding my own rollercoasters so many times in the past, I feel you 😊 and even though my current journey seems fairly bump-free in comparison with earlier ones, I keep waiting for things to come crashing down at some point and I am trying to prepare myself mentally in advance and put some mechanisms in place to cope better. Hence everyone who is going through a tough time is also a potential teacher 😊

springersrule profile image
springersruleModerator in reply to N-o-r-d-i

Oh i'm with you on the waiting for it all to come crashing down. Its weird how we cant just wholly accept things as they are xx

N-o-r-d-i profile image
N-o-r-d-iModerator in reply to springersrule

As long as we don’t make it into the self fulfilling prophecy... 😊

springersrule profile image
springersruleModerator in reply to N-o-r-d-i

True Nordi. That is the hard part 😊 xx

springersrule profile image

Hi Iamwhatiam. I agree with BridgeGirl in that your post screams anxiety not whingeing and even if you were, then this is the place to do it.

The weight loss journey is never an easy one and takes its toll on mental health whether that's because the losses are small and slow or in my case larger and fast. Believe me i have the same anxiety, self doubt and confusion that everyone does. Seeing the inches disappear and the clothes get smaller are all fantastic but it doesnt help that when we look in the mirror we still see all those imperfections, perceived or otherwise. I'm sat here on my sofa typing on my kindle and it is still sat on my belly bumps despite my loss. I know its smaller because my clothes tell me that, but when i look at it it still registers as being huge. I don't think i will ever have a smooth stomach (as in no rolls) so will i always feel overweight even when the scales, in time, say i'm not!!? I hope not but maybe i will.

I'm sure your brother will still be proud of you whatever the scales say on wednesday, if you decide to get on them. That choice is up to you, only you know what psychological impact that will have on you. I get on them every week as the inches i lose seem to stick for a couple of months and then drop for a week or 2. I only told 4 trusted friends and the whole of this forum when i started my journey but over time i have let more people know and when i hit weighing 100kg i announced it on facebook to everyone who knows me on there. It was like coming out of the closet and actually felt really good.

BridgeGirl also has a good point asking if you enjoy the eating plan you are on and joining in on the Daily Diaries may help. I find being able to still eat to my appetite invaluable and i love the food i am cooking and eating. This certainly makes this journey easier as i look forward to every meal with excitement not dread of what i have to have or cant have. The foods i eat and dont eat are purely my choice and the dishes i make work round that.

You are not alone in feeling this way. Take care xx

in reply to springersrule

Thank you, I've definitely got some anxiety which I wasn't realising. I need balance in my journey because I've always been an 'all or nothing' kind of person. I do need to check in with the scales but not to the point I was at after Christmas when I was on them 6 times a day. I now know I can stay off them and I think once a fortnight will suit me well, once a week is a bit too much pressure for me.Thank you again.

springersrule profile image
springersruleModerator in reply to

We all definitely need balance. I've got my fingers crossed for a gain on the scales tomorrow. I know that sounds silly but my head was spinning with anxiety about getting good losses every week!! I need to know i'm normal, not a freak of nature that can eat bucket loads of food and still lose weight!! I've never been able to do that before, and never so quickly. The mind really does like messing with us 😵

I've read your reply above and glad to hear you do enjoy what you are eating and don't feel hungry. I sometimes think this is why our heads get in a mess. Are we supposed to enjoy healthy eating, not feel hungry or deprived, and still lose weight! 😂😂.

I'm glad you feel better for chatting. Lots of love to you xx

in reply to springersrule

I get that completely! I once got mega weirded out by my body's unexplained losses, but lo and behold the gains came on the week after haha

springersrule profile image
springersruleModerator in reply to

Lol. Arent we funny folk 😂😂💖 xx

Cosmo501 profile image
Cosmo50110 kg

Hoping you're getting through today ok and starting to feel less anxious. Just wanted to send you loads of virtual hugs and support. None of this is easy. Thank goodness we can all share our anxieties here with each other. You have done brilliantly well, focussing on keeping on going in the way that best works for you. You've got this! xxx --- p.s.... I'm feeling insecure today too.. it's helping being here xx

in reply to Cosmo501

Feeling much better now. Thank you very much for your support and virtual hugs x hope you're also feeling better after an insecure day x

Cosmo501 profile image
Cosmo50110 kg in reply to

So glad to hear you’re feeling brighter 😊 Yes thanks, I’m feeling brighter too. Tomorrow is a new day, and a new week Xxx

in reply to Cosmo501

Indeed it is 😄

jd65 profile image
jd654st 7lbs

Your brother is already proud of you for getting on your bike. He’s proud because you are doing something to get fit.

in reply to jd65

Thank you. Yes he is, he's a bit of a fitness bunny and has been wanting me to get fitter for ages.

Hopewhispers profile image

Its inevitable as we journey through weight loss there will be moments of worry, doubt and fear because we hold ourselves to such high expectations but if u could put that aside even for just a few moments and recognise how amazing you've done and the progress, work, effort and perseverance uve pushed through the number on the scales wont seem so frightening. If u think about the emotional strength uve gained ud know u dont have to worry about the number on the scales it's a number yes but it doesn't show the sacrifices you've made, the number of times u chose a healthy food when it would've been easier not to, it doesnt show the confidence to get back out on the bike, it doesnt show the courage to recognise your fear, remember all the things you've overcome, your focus, your desire to be healthy. Most people are working on body confidence with weight loss and that's ok, it's about accepting u are loved and enough which clearly u are when u brother expressed his feelings.

I hope this helps, it isnt always easy but thats why u should be so proud of yourself because it's not easy and you're still trying. You're in good company in this group, it's very supportive

in reply to Hopewhispers

You're so right! Thank you very much for your reply. This forum is extremely supportive, just what we all need. 😄

Tank_EG profile image

HI IamwhatIam517,

what you are saying is something I can easily identify with. This is not whinging or anything out of the ordinary so please don't add that anxiety to what you are feeling at the moment.

Getting on the scales is scary if you haven' done it for a while as they will tell exactly how you have been doing, good or bad. They don't care how you feel and they don't let you down gently if you've put on weight.

However not getting on them means you don't know if your hard work is working on not. I hate to say it but I really think you need to do it and if I could be there with you to reassure you it will be OK I would be. I will definitely be thinking of you on weigh in day and will look out for you. In fact you can message me if you feel that would help. And be assured they will be whoops of joy if you've lost and sympathy and support if you haven't. There will be no condemnation or recrimination here 👍

That's the bad news, now here's the good. Once you've stepped on them and you know how you've done, that's it. Good or bad, that's it. If you've lost weight then great and carry on. If you haven't then now you can look to other ways to lose and you have a whole host of friends here who can help with some ideas. And once you've done it once, don't stop - weigh yourself regularly to see how your progress is going.

Finally let's not forgot a lot of the positives from the last 6 weeks. Going on bike ride is so good and here's to many more with the warmer weather that's hopefully coming soon 😀

in reply to Tank_EG

Thank you so much. Its only 38 hours till I step on those scales, my mindset is much better now and I've got my fingers and toes crossed for the WI 😁😁

Luberon2018 profile image

Know how you feel, but I've got no will power at all! I even joined Slimming World on line but have failed miserably and so am going to cancel. Now 78, with some arthritis in my knees, and with asthma and high bp, at 14st, I really need to get motivated for to improve my health!

moreless profile image
morelessAdministrator in reply to Luberon2018

Welcome back, Luberon2018 :)

I see from a past post that you are/were pre-diabetic. The SW diet wouldn't be right for you, as it relies heavily on carbohydrates and you need to go low carbohydrate to reverse your diagnosis. Here are a few things for you to look at:

As a reminder, All of the information you need about the forum can be found in Pinned Posts and we hope you'll be joining all the Events, Challenges and Clubs that we run, especially a weigh-in and the daily diary.

If you haven't already taken it, here's a tour of the forum

We've found active participation to be key to successful weight loss and, of course, it's a good way to get to know people, find inspiration and share support and encouragement.

Wishing you all the best :)

in reply to Luberon2018

Thank you for your reply. While motivation helps at times I find it comes and goes, someone once told me it comes down to "discipline and good habits, not motivation", I've found this to be very true. Good luck

Ladytrucker1 profile image

I have just joined. I know that feeling all to well. Look at what you have achieved so far. Look forward not back. Think of when to finally beat this how grand you will feel. Dont look in the mirror at the rolls of fat. Look and see all the weight you have list so far. Get an old picture of you at your worst. Then take another look. Be positive and stay stronge. Perhaps when I get these doubts someone will boost me as well. I have another 5 stone to lose

in reply to Ladytrucker1

Thank you very much, good luck on your journey, this site is amazing, please ensure you use it 😊

DorothyH profile image

Hi. Thank you for your complete honesty. I was feeling alone with my feelings but I feel exactly the same as you. It’s difficult and impossible to tell people how I’m feeling xx

in reply to DorothyH

This site is one of the few places I can be completely honest, I hope it is the same for you, I've found nothing but support, understanding and some cold hard truths on this forum, even when I've not wanted to accept them. I'm grateful for it all.

Dave1000 profile image
Dave10001 stone

Hi Hidden . It looks like you have some fabulous support and so much to digest, I really hope this will be sufficient to give you the confidence to move on and to whatever changes you need to enable you to add to the success you have already achieved. I have nothing like the experience or expertise that many who have already responded have offered. What I do have is 40+ years experience of getting it entirely wrong and I really don’t want you to share that journey. Since starting HU and listening to the advise given, then taking the time adapt it to something that works for me, I have for the first time in my life felt like I have taken back control.

I like you have a fear and a aversion to scales. I know my weight can change for numerous reasons. I started as morbidly obese and have moved into an obese category. I like you have a long way to go, it took me a long while to become this big, I must accept that it will take me a long while to get back to where I really want to be. I hope you too can learn to accept the fact the time that you should expect your journey to take.

Scales are necessary evils as they will show when you are ready exactly what you have achieved. But don’t hijack your journey because you can’t face the scales. NSVs are just as important, and for you maybe you can use them as a confidence builder. Record every possible measurement. When you see a change, use this a trigger to tell you it’s time to get on the scales. No NSV change means no scales. This is just a idea, and like with anything you do, it must suit you, the fact that it works for others is immaterial. Good luck with whatever you do, and hopefully we can all continue to support you on your journey x

in reply to Dave1000

Thank you very much 😊

Aginghippy profile image
Aginghippy1st 7lbs

Well done for sharing your fears and doubts. What you don't realise is that we all have them. Just keep doing what you are doing and you will get there. Don't let a number on the scales be an excuse to return to old ways. Keep going you've got lots of friends who understand on this site.

in reply to Aginghippy

Thank you

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