Breast cancer

[Madonna68]

I am revovering from Breast cancer and I still get really tired. I often will have invitations to go out with friends but they dont come over to me and they always want me to drive over to them. I get really tired and then i get really cross and anxious driving home, dinner is always late and i feel behind with everything. Its like nobody understands or carers they just want what they want.

[Lemondrizzle1]

Hi Madonna68, glad to hear you are recovering from breast cancer but sorry to hear your friends are not being very understanding. If they are true friends I am sure they would understand how you feel and change arrangements. Why not do it in a subtle way by suggesting everyone chips in to a takeaway at your place but that you want an early meal as you still get very tired and that late meals and then a drive home are just tiring you out too much. The subtle hint might work. Good luck.

[Madonna68 Restart July 2023 in reply to Lemondrizzle1]

Thank you I will give it a try, although the people concerned dont like dogs and I unfortunately have 2. But there is no reason why they cant come over as the dogs can stay in another room. I will suggest if or perhaps to meet somewhere halfway.

[lucigret]

Hello Madonna,

What a time you must have been through, I am pleased to see you are on the other side and recovering. I am sure it will take some time to regain your strength again.

I think that you just need to be honest with your friends and tell them how it is for you. People don't always understand if they have never been through these things, they may not realise that you are still feeling very tired. I wonder if you are the sort of person, who says 'yes I'm fine ' when asked which gives others the wrong impression maybe (this is the sort of thing I do, so should practice what I preach )

I think Lemondrizzle1 's idea is a very good one, why not invite them all round and when you have them there, just explain your situation. Say that you love to meet up with them, but you are finding the traveling and times just too much at the moment

[BridgeGirl Administrator 2 stone]

People can be very self-absorbed. I wonder if that has been the pattern, you making the effort, and they've come to take it for granted.

Could you put out an invitation to come over to you for something specific, something to celebrate or some event going on or somewhere to visit? I know options are limited to what is safe in these strange times. If the answer is no, then you need to spell out that you'd like a bit more give and take. I wouldn't even make a big thing about your breast cancer: we should all be able to count on friends acting fairly, with or without particular health issues 😊

[BigRedDBA]

Past behaviour sets the expectations. You need to forcefully state that you need some looking after