Are you and your OH trying to lose weight at the same time?

[supermarmite]

Hi all. I'm writing to see if any or most of you are taking on this challenge with others in your family? My OH is also a bit overweight but cycles every day, so he thinks he can eat all the cake he wants! He's very supportive of my efforts to lose weight, but doesn't want to join in. That makes it harder for me when (for example) he has a beer or some crisps and I can't have any. Or when he wants heavier meals. Now granted he's a (very) tall bloke so he needs more calories anyway. But it's a real challenge for me! Any tips gratefully received on how to cope.

[Stevo5585 7lbs]

Hi supermarmite, although we aren't on the same program my wife and I are both trying to shed some weight. I can relate to your story from the other side, being a tall, big unit, my calorie allowance is nearly double my wife's! We've come up with a few strategies to try and cope;

Portion control, I used to just plate up equal portions, now we're a lot more careful on the portion sizes for ourselves and our son, even going to the extent of using slightly different sized plates, think Daddy Bear with the biggest plate, Mummy bear with the middle plate etc, etc!

Exercise together, we used to love going on long clifftop/nature walks, kind of dropped off when the son and heir came along, busy life, yadda yadda. Now we put in the effort to exercise as a unit, taking the bikes to Dalby forest or heading out to nature for a hike, doesn't have to be the whole day, an hour messing about on the beach in Bridlington is fun and gets you moving.

We're by no means in lock step, but the little things can make a big difference.

[supermarmite in reply to Stevo5585]

Thanks Stevo. Really helpful to hear about a family doing it together. We've recently got more into cycling too. Totally hear where you're coming from with the kids... our two are 1 and 4, so long walks are OUT. But the big one can ride a bike and the little can go in a bike seat.

Another thing I do is to vary the carbs for the two of us - i.e. he can have a big plate of rice whereas I might have just a chapati with a curry. Still I can't get him to stop snacking on chocolate/crisps in front of me... so far... I'll try to get more scientific with the portion control!

[Stevo5585 7lbs in reply to supermarmite]

I hear you, my wife has the sweet tooth, I'm more a savoury chap. Used to be we'd just grab a bag of chocolate/chips and before we knew it the damn thing was empty. Now rather than bringing the bag we'll decant it into a smaller bowl, so you still get a treat, but don't over indulge. Our son got into it too which is good.

[lucigret]

Hi Supermarmite and welcome to our friendly forum,

My husband wasn't really interested in joining me in loosing weight either. Mind you I have been 'loosing weight' for the majority of our married lives, so 30ish years lol. He has always been supportive to a point, but used to come home with bars of chocolate for me, even when I said not to and I ate it, so he kept doing it. I have been here for 18 months now and I have always been active on the forum, he has become more and more interested and is happy to have what I eat, just bigger portions to start with and would want potatoes or rice when I didn't have them, but that was fine. Now, however he has dropped potatoes, bread and rice the majority of the time - I can quite busy on here around meal times some days, so he cooks what I ask and is happy to help with the batch cooking on a weekend when we get a chance. He even goes into work and tells people about the forum and often comes back or even phones me to ask what information to give to people - which I find really funny, but don't tell him. What's more, he's loosing weight.

So don't give in, just be strong and eat what you want and let Hubby have what he wants. It is hard to see them having what you don't want, but try to find yourself an alternative. Before you know it, you will prefer a bowl of full fat greek yoghurt to a bar of chocolate.......yes it really can happen.......I didn't believe it either As he sees you loose weight and be healthier and as you talk about your friends on the forum and slowly brain wash him (🤣), he may just want to join in.

In the meantime come here everyday and join in with the conversations and make lots of virtual friends and share your journey with us. You will get so much encouragement.

To make navigating the forum easier, we've put all the information you'll need in a newbie pack and here's the link

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I love your picture by the way

Wishing you all the best

[supermarmite in reply to lucigret]

Ha! Brainwashing! That's awesome. Sounds like you have led by example and your husband is now in a supporting role. I think my OH is keen to be supportive but has his own beliefs about what suits his body. I definitely agree that this is a much better place to look for specific support - there's nothing more boring than someone banging on about their diet all the time if you're not doing it!

Thanks re the picture. It's a joke because I really can't use a scooter without falling off...

[lucigret in reply to supermarmite]

At least he shows an interest and I agree, I can't stand diet bores. But we don't do that here, it is rarely ever boring

[iparkecandothis]

I can relate this Supermarmite!

I cook for both me and my partner, so when I cook unhealthily he eats unhealthily and vice versa. This means that by virtue of living with me, my partner has grown a bit of a tummy of his own (ooops!). He was very lean when we met so I do feel rather bad...!

When I started dieting I did want him to join in with me, and was annoyed when he would have unhealthy snacks himself. But more and more, I have been focusing in on the reasons I want to lose weight for myself and am not really interested on whether he wants to join in. Everyone has to walk their own path with it I think - I wouldn't have been particularly interested in joining in with him of he had been trying to lose weight a year ago - I just wasn't ready yet. Just let go I think, focus on you and do it at your own pace. You'll do amazing and so will he if he chooses to lose weight too at some point

[supermarmite in reply to iparkecandothis]

This is a really healthy attitude and one I will reflect on over the weekend! Thanks so much for your response

[iparkecandothis in reply to supermarmite]

It's definitely easier said than done haha, especially when someone is offering you the other half of their twix or whatever!! Just an idea to aim for

[IndigoBlue61]

I am very lucky to have the support of my husband, and whilst he is naturally very slim and fit, he eats whatever I make and I adjust the portion size ( he generally has twice the size of portion to me) Some days we have different, he loves a very hot curry for example, and I would live on cauliflower cheese, but generally we eat the same foods.

What is especially useful is the push we give each other regarding exercise. He walks the dog every morning, couple of miles usually which helps his mental as well as physical health. As I can’t walk far I then go and do my daily exercise routine. Some days I don’t feel like it but knowing he is out in all weathers spurs me on. Other days he could easily stay in bed but hearing me exercising gets him out (I think it’s the 1970’s music blaring that does it!! Lol 🤣)

At the end of the day, if we love someone we want what they want, and having them on board on this weight loss journey is really useful 😊

[supermarmite in reply to IndigoBlue61]

Yep I agree! My OH is very much on board and supporting me, and a keen cycling/outdoorsy type which really motivates me. On Wednesday I took the day off work and we did a 2hr walk together without the kids which was lovely. However, he uses that as justification for sweet treats which is the tricky bit for me. I think I need to beg for them to be hidden away from me for the time being while I'm getting started on this new healthy kick! Thanks for your comment, all of this support really helps.

[IndigoBlue61 in reply to supermarmite]

Sounds perfect 😊