......being repulsively obese & therefore utterly despised by my Wife I need to lose weight better or my depression will go into overdrive & it's hello / goodbye Beachy Head!!!!
Last chance gasp....: ......being... - Weight Loss Support
Last chance gasp....
Written by
Robino
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51 Replies
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Hi Robino
Welcome to the weight loss forum.
Take a look at the Welcome Newbie post in the Pinned post section at the right hand side of the screen or if your on a mobile at the bottom. Have a look at the nhs 12 week plan, many members have had success following this plan. Use the BMI checker to work out your daily calorie allowance.
Below the Pinned posts are the Topics where members share a range of weight related subjects.
Take your measurements at the start along with a photo so you can see the changes when the scales don't move.
We have weigh-ins every day so why not come and join us. You can find the weigh-in on the Home page in the Events section on the right. Just click on the post and state your start weight and any loss/gain or maintain for the week.
To get the best out of the forum be active, share experiences, tips and recipes. Read some of the posts they can be very inspiring and motivate you along the way.
Have a great first week.
Rose
Hello Robino
Firstly, it's a cliche, but your weight is a number on the scales, it does not define you. You are absolutely not 'repulsive' 😕 There are many of us on here battling weight problems and understand your frustration and desperation.
Have you spoken to your wife and told her how you feel? If you aren't sharing this with her she will be besides herself with worry and terribly anxious about you, so please try 😕
The next step is a visit to your GP to sort out your depression, and ask to see a counsellor. We are not qualified to help you in this respect I'm afraid, and your last sentence has made me very concerned.
I see you have been a member of the forum for some time so you know how understanding and supportive the members are so please come on and talk to us if it helps 😊
Best wishes
Anna
thank you Anna, she is the only one who berates me constantly, no oneat work or anywhere else has an issue, but she's a nurse so yes sees the health thing but hates fat people too!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Me included.
I'm sure she doesn't, I nag my hubby too but because I love him and want him around, fit and healthy for ever !!! ❤
I agree with IndigoBlue61 Robino , I think you should talk to your wife and get some professional advice from the Doctor. Maybe your wife would support you with that. Please don't call yourself 'repulsive'.
You have been brave enough to post how you feel on here, please be brave and get some professional help.
Keep posting and let us know how things are going. This is a wonderfully friendly and supportive group of people and we do not judge or ever find people repulsive. Take care.
No trust me I am repulsively horrible. I thought a kind loving gentlemanly personality was good but she can't see beyond the waistline and constantly criticises me. I'm a very lonely person.
I'm so pleased to hear you say you are a kind and loving gentleman. It shows me you still have a little bit of self esteem left. Is your wife a perfect size? Is this a journey you could travel together? Does she know how much you are hurting? We are here for you, I hope this will make you feel less lonely. We may only be virtual friends, but we are supportive friends. Keep talking to us over the next few days and maybe you will be able to see some light at the end of the tunnel. We all believe in YOU
Hi! Robin I am new here & I'm going to share with you that I have a over 60" waist the tape would not go round my tum tum!🤗 So a big tape measure tomorrow. I put on a few pounds this week. You look like a pretty cool Santa to me. Don't let the weight get you down. ☺We can do this slowly together. The group forum members are 1st. Class & So are you ☺ I used to have a saying that when the going gets tough! The tough go Shopping!!🤗 Worse things happen at sea. I'm wishing you well with the new you. Get the help from all & your Family. Kind regards George 56.☺
I am confident that you are not horrible or repulsive. There are obviously a lot of things going on in your life, try to concentrate on looking after you! Getting healthy and feeling good and getting some self esteem under your belt will all help. I believe in you. You can do this! And I personally believe we are each fearfully and wonderfully made for good things on this earth, and I believe that for you too, even if you don't right now. Wishing you the very best.
Ros
Thank you. I'm so low & her disdain for me is destroying me from the inside out.
Hang in there Robino. We are all in this together
Hi Robino I hope you find us a friendly and supportive bunch.👍
I probably felt like you this time last year other certain people were making my life a misery and nothing I could do would ever be enough 😢 I felt worthless, fat, totally unhealthy, then fed up one day I found this site and it's one thing that has turned how I feel about myself around.
Believe me if I can do this anyone can, start by working out your calorie allowance using the BMI calculator and drink plenty of water. Up the steps maybe you could get a fitness tracker that helps with this.
I downloaded the 12 week plan and did it twice filling it in daily, since then I use my Fitbit to log food, water etc plus it counts my steps.
Log onto the forum ask and give advice if you need it or just take a look at any good ideas being posted.
Firstly take no notice what anyone else says to you, you are you and in control of yourself no one else is.
Make a small goal achieve it then make a new one, give yourself a non food reward when you achieve them.
Start to think about yourself, what you want, how you want to achieve it and get going on your first goal.
Every person has their own qualities and I am sure you know what good qualities you have, sometimes we have to hit rock bottom before we see this but then we can build on these. Loosing weight will not only have the usual benefits feeling fitter, clothes fitting better, but i find it builds confidence in other words makes you feel worthy.
I must admit I nag my husband have done for years to stop smoking but it's just because I want him to be healthier, maybe your wife is trying to shock you into loosing weight but doing it in a undermining way, try telling her what you are aiming to do and ask for her support and advice that way she can feel part of your journey.
Good luck a new you is waiting to emerge and just in time for summer.😊
Hear, hear Itsbab . Robino take heart from Itsbab and all the other lovely responses. It is what happens on the forum, everybody is so supportive and very genuine in their comradeship.
Cone on here often and join in the conversations, some will interest you more than others.
Please don't forget to congratulate yourself on taking the biggest step - writing your post.
Take care x
Hi Robino I agree with the others - just because you are overweight does not mean you are repulsive. If you are then we all are too, and we are not.
I think you should seek help from the doctor for your depression. There are also a couple of good depression sites on here so have a look. One is called Action on Depression' and the other Anxiety and Depression. You will find others there who are depressed also and who will understand how you feel. They will be able to help and support you.
Your post has made me incredibly sad. I hope you find lots of positivity in here, and that you get can some professional help from your gp or a counsellor. Weight is such an emotive issue, but one you have to deal with for you and you alone. Losing weight to please someone else is never going to be a solution long term and in my experience the person making you feel worthless will just find something else to complain about when you have lost weight....
Very best of luck to you. Do it for yourself and how good it will make YOU feel.
This is probably the saddest post I have seen on here, I'm sorry that your wife feels the need to criticize you when you really need her support. But this is her problem not yours, rise above it, it took a while for my husband to realize his criticism of me was because of his own issues after a couple of heart to heart "chats" and a few full blown arguments he is now addressing his issues and has made a commitment to encouraging me, I now get well done and fantastic😆 instead of you need to lose more or your still fat😠 but in the meantime hopefully we on this site can make up somewhat for this, as we are here to help and support you on your journey.
good luck Kat xx
Grannynise6lbs
Maybe you could share these posts with your wife? It might help her to see you differently.
We're here for you. Stay strong.
I think that is an excellent idea Grannynise .
Robino, I am sorry for the way you feel, as the others have said you must get some help. You can do this, small steps lead onto bigger things. Can you go to a slimming group? You would get some support and make some new friends. I go to Slimming World, my lecturer is really supportive, as others in the class, we also have men in the class. Whatever path you choose I wish you the best of luck. I also nag my husband, but it is because of his health, I worry about him. xx
,
Robino, I'm going to come at this from a different angle. I think the weight problem is a symptom rather than the cause. I too was married for 12 years to a woman who slagged me off to her 'friends', our kids and constantly to my face . She used to say 'I don't know how you hold down a full time job' and threatened to kick me out when the children were a bit older. Eventually she had an affair with her friends husband which got discovered and I was kicked out and taken to the. Learners at divorce court. I'm only recovering financially now after 12 years. The point is that I remarried in my 40's and have a lovely wife, another 2 great kids (one of whom was planned! ), and am running a £13m successful business employing 75 people. My wife remains alone, bitter and twisted and still full of poison. It's very hard I know to contemplate, because I've been there and it nearly floored me, but sometimes you are better getting away from negative people who define their own being by putting others down. I really wish you well, and I can empathise with your situation.
lucigret in reply to
This is 'food for thought' and a different perspective and a really good post Hidden . I'm glad things turned out right for you in the end
Robino in reply to
Gosh. Sorry you had that. My first Wife didn't comment but had affairs. Wife 2 is the vocal one. Who knows she might be having affairs too. She did with hubby #1.
To everyone. Thank you. So very much. I will try harder. X
Hi Robino
I have been in the same place as you but from my ex-husband and I know how hard it can be to feel good about yourself. Coming onto to forum is a great step forward and you can see there is lots of support here for you. Please take care of yourself.
Rose
Just try harder to feel good about yourself. It's not about trying to please your wife - it's about being what you want to be. And if that includes fitter and healthier - great. But you can only make changes if YOU want to.
Perhaps have a look at the happiness challenge. I'm no expert in depression and definitely feel you'll need to find some professional help to point you back in the right direction. However, it can't hurt to start looking for positives even at a stretch you must be able to find something to be grateful for. Even if it's just the fact that you were brave enough to reach out on this group. I'm not sure from your post if you have any children but I know from my father's untreated bipolar how bad things can get. You need to treat your depression as it's hard for everyone to live with, especially for you as you can't see past it. My dad attempted suicide when I was 12 and although I still love him and have tried my best to forgive him it's hard to get close once that trust has been broken. There is no magic cure and it will be hard work but you are worth it, we all are. It's the chicken and egg has the depression caused the eating or vice versa. Either way this is a good place to start as none of it can be done alone. Do book that dr's appointment though and face both issues together, find your inner strength and you'll conquer this.
Oh my big hugs. I tried pills & booze 4 years ago. Because of 'her'. I can't have 2 failed marriages.
If the route of your misery is your wife I'd have as many failed marriages as it took to be happy. You need to be happy in yourself and if she can't support that then what are you gaining from staying in the situation. Perhaps a trial separation would allow you both to know what it is that you actually want. There is always a better way out of a situation than a final check out, it's just finding the clarity of mind to see it. Perhaps constantly being surrounded by criticism isn't the head space you need right now. How did your wife react when you pushed things to the edge last time? Does she know how your feeling now?
No no no
YOU ARE LOVELY
You are worth more than your wife
Never ever let another human being belittle you they are not better than you nor should they put you down
Are you on myfitnesspal if so add me
size102b if not join it's free
You are so worth more than these feelings and you will see that you are one day
This is so sad. But the most striking thing is how you describe your wife's disdain for you. This may sound harsh, but it doesn't sound like she's doing you any good at all. Marriage is about love- warts and all! I feel like you need some external input into your marriage (Relate etc) rather than trying to mould yourself into her vision of the perfect husband. If she really is repulsed by you, that is only your problem because she is your wife. It's not a problem for you to take on by trying to lose weight for her. If you were a friend of mine talking like this, I'd be saying your first priority should be to get out of a toxic marriage. I hope you find the strength to address the real problem.
Evereyone has already said everything there is to say, so just a Hello and Good Luck from me and a big Believe in yourself, you sound lovely! No more thoughts of b*** Beachy Head, please.
Robino
First things first .
At the end of the day you are still the same person underneath. But I can understand your wife's concern she sees things from a medical side and can see only problems ahead
as you can see on the forum ,we all have the same goal and the same problem with our weigh and health. But we are here for one another.
But for your medical problems you must see your gp. Preferably Monday if you can. He will be able to help.
Wish you every sucess
Well I've escaped by having a run. I tried putting up new shelves & got shouted at again. Running is freedom + music too. Thanks x
Even buying her flowers etc does nothing
So very impressed that you can 'escape' by running. Escape by talking to us too.
Well I challenged her, basically told if you don't like it get out!!!
Now I've made it worse!!
Should've kept my mouth shut!!!
;-(
I hope you are ok as out there
@Robino - do not let yourself be treated in this way. No-one here knows what your relationship really consists of but as an outsider listening to your comments I feel that this is not a healthy relationship. This in turn leads to bigger issues than your weight. You must be doing this for yourself - and it is hard to do it by yourself - but that's what you have to do. Stand up for yourself. You can lose weight but more importantly you can FIND yourself if you do not just succumb to the apparent bullying that is going on. I'm not very good at explaining what I feel tonight..... Come on lad! You can do this! Everyone here is behind you when you need moral support and you can post as much as you like and someone will respond! Good luck - be strong and hang on in there!
Robino, everything you say makes me more sure of what I said. The problem is not you or your weight - it's your wife's. if you lost 4 stone and had a 32 " waist she would find something else to criticise. I hate to say it, but I think you're flogging a dead horse with her. Think about you and YOUR self esteem. I bet if you said you've had enough and want out it would take her aback because she's not used to you standing up for yourself. The ball is in your court and hard as it is, think about your next 30 years and do what's right to make the most of it. What your wife is doing is mental rather Than physical abuse, and it's quite common in my experience. Unfortunately as a man the options afforded women are not open to you, so you need to be brave and do what's right for you and your mental and emotional health without the constant threat of being kicked out for some unknown indiscretion. Sorry to be so direct, but I think the issues and options are clear.
Robino in reply to
Thank you. I have researched abusive relationships and it seems I am in one. I resent losing my home again (like my divorce and we had kids), plus my beautiful pets. My Wife's Grandchildren do love me and I them. It's not just about me so I have to suck it up and just take the abuse.
No you don't have to take abuse. Nobody does.
I don't think the weight is your only problem.
It's seems your marriage is perhaps at the bottom of it . It's a shame but only you can sort it out.
But the forum can help with weight which only YOU will gain from. You say there are grand children are they small? . If so get over the park ,swimming pool ,soft play area a beach nearby (don't know where you live ). This way you are burning calories keeping out the way and giving yourself some peace. Go to the gym there are many over weight people there ,a trainer will help.
As the weight comes starts to come off , you feel stronger better about yourself and be able to sort your marriage out.
Hazel
Robino , it would still be worth you going to the Doctor to help with the depression, if may be that he/she could set you up with some talking therapy/counselling. Look out for yourself, enjoy your grandchildren as Hazelnnett has suggested, if you have a dog get out and walk it, keep up your running, which you obviously enjoy and it gives you a break from home life. The exercise will help to keep your head 'straight' and give you a boost. If you choose to go on a weight loss journey, do it for you, you health can only benefit and you may even feel better in yourself and your confidence will grow. We can support you with weight loss, we are all travelling the same road. Take care of yourself and keep posting to let us know how you get on. There is a 🌈 waiting at the end of your tunnel
You are all so very kind. Quite literally I can't do anything right at the moment. Thank god I'm back to work tomorrow.
Day 1 of the new beginning
Hi Robino
It's 4.37 am and I've just read your very sad messages.
Have you tried reverse phycology?!
Try not to keep pleasing her, you keep getting rejected anyway so you don't seem to have much to loose in that department 😞
Try to concentrate on yourself. You should also be trying to loose your weight for yourself not to please her. It's hard enough getting focused to loose the weight without the pressure of someone jumping on you the second we lapse !
I've been married twice, mental cruelty is a form of bullying. Some people don't realise they are nagging. It's sometimes a habit of conversing that needs to change. Please don't be scared to stand up for yourself. As the others have said " you are worthy" every single person needs love and support. Use this wonderful site of very supportive likeminded people who are all trying their best to get healthier and loose the pounds.
Sometimes when we are at our lowest we have to climb up again, it does make us stronger but it takes time and good friends. It's so good that you have opened up on here. Keep on putting your thoughts on here. I too have tried the tablets (75 pireton!!) 17 years ago, i didn't know it wouldn't have worked! But I was very lucky and I'm still here and so are you. It's a dark place to be, 😢 so keep chatting and don't let anyone make you feel that sad about yourself.
Talked too much, sorry but feeling very passionate about life it's too precious to miss out on. Big hug sent to you 🤗
💤💤😴x
Thank you so much. For caring & taking the time to write. All of you here are bloody amazing.
My main attacker is the person who should be supporting me the most.
Xxx
Look after Yourself
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