This is going to be a long one, so apologies in advance. I want (I will say want, as it’s a want and need) to know someone has gone through/is going through the same thing I am at the moment and I need some really strong advice on how combat it, I'm fighting a losing battle.
I have been on the slightly larger side for as long as I can remember now. Which before, I never really had any problems with. More recently I've been going back and forth between not being bothered about my weight so self hate very frequently on a daily basis – literally holding back tears writing this.
I started trying to lose weight beginning of this year, after I broke my ankle on holiday Nov 2014. Id put on about 1 stone – not being able to get out and about didn’t help – in April this year, I managed to lose 11lbs of it after I started running and it’s been a struggle since then. I've had to stop running due to Achilles problems and a shin splint injury.
I think now I'm at my heaviest, I'm currently 94kg (height I'm 5ft 6). And I'm really getting dragged down with my weight. I hate seeing myself in the mirror, being with my partner is becoming an internal struggle intimacy wise. I used to love going shopping, I now can’t remember the last time I went, I've lost love for it – I'm physically sick of buying the same size 16 clothes and worry if I have to go up a size! I currently live in leggings and oversized jumpers or hoodies to hide myself and because they’re the only thing I feel comfortable wearing.
I have joined a gym, went 5 days a week, an hour at a time which I can happily keep up.
My biggest down fall is food. My eating habits are disgusting in my opinion, and I can’t get over it. It sounds silly to say I can’t stop myself from eating, but it is just that. It’s a mix of boredom eating, stress eating, overeating, convenience foods and giving in easily.
I'm at a loss of what to do – I seriously cannot get my eating under control.
I wasn’t bought up on the moth healthiest of diets and old habits die hard. My whole family is on the larger side – with the exclusion of 3 aunts – and I am trying hard to avoid becoming like my mother (as horrible as that sounds). I'm only 23 and I have had to watch my mum sit on the side lines for years, through being too overweight to join in as kids and her health problems as a result. And I just think I can’t go through that when I have children, not able to get involved etc.
But I am heading in a downward spiral. I considered going to my GP to see if there was any help I could get, but the thought of it makes me feel rather stupid and I kind of don’t want to be laughed at.
Living with someone else doesn’t help, especially when they’ve no need to diet or anything.
I feel like I literally need someone to follow me around all day to snatch food out of my hands and tell me what to eat!
I'm currently trialling Weetabix with a banana for breakfast and lunch using almond milk (stopped using cows milk as it leaves a really horrible taste in my throat), fallen off the band wagon, quite a few times, now back on today. I have tried many dieting types, but they’ve all lasted like days and its back to normal.
Upping activity is easy for me, I'm happy to do that, but the food part of it hard.
I really don’t know how to move forward. I'm hoping someone has some really good advice and not just, eat less move more that I've been told a thousand times….
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Nicole0892
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I only just quickly read this as I have to go to work, but I think you need alot of extra support, go to ur gp, ask other half to support you in these changes, change them one by one and 1 step at a time, is there no family member or friend that could jump on the band wagon with you having someone doing it with you might help you better, I really hope someone else jumps in today with more advice for you, I'm rooting for you, I had a addiction to crisps, I threw them out haven't eaten any for 5 weeks now eek , take it 1 change at time , swap one food at a time so you get used to it, also sign up for my fitness pal I find it a great help, good luck
I've been there! I broke my ankle and leg a few years ago and just piled on the pounds. Couldn't find anything to wear, looked awful but convinced myself that it didn't matter because I'm 40 now and everyone puts on weight.
By the time I was ready to hop on the scales I was 15st 7lb and I reckon I lost weight at that point so goodness knows where I was before that.
I, too, love to eat. Downfall is sweet food. Everyone tells you to eat less blah, blah, blah but I discovered it wasn't about eating less, it was about eating RIGHT!
Do not cut down to silly meals every day, just eat well. Plan your meals and snacks so you're not hungry. Exercise is fantastic for taking away that hungry feeling so just go for it.
I have miles to go still but I'm up and out every day and I look and feel so much better.
You can do this. We've all been there. We've got you.
BTW, I also started running and it's really helped (been running since April). Try changing your running shoes to see if it helps with the shin splints but don't give up on it - speak to your GP.
Hi Nicole. Don't fret. You are by no means alone! Lots of us will recognize your story.
Your GP will *not* laugh at you. Though they may not be willing or able to do too much other than recommend the NHS Live Well web site and 12 week plan, or refer you to weight watchers or another diet club type of thing, as a first step.
You definitely need to get your partner/housemate on your side. Explain that you need and want to lose weight (perhaps tell them that your doctor has said that you absolutely *must* lose weight for your health - that sometimes helps convince people), and ask that they do their best not to sabotage you or put temptation in your way. If they refuse to take you seriously, they aren't a very good friend!! ☺
Myself, I've decided that I need to change my lifestyle completely where food and drink are concerned. Most skinny people remain skinny because they're ruthless about food and exercise. They aren't that way by magic - well, not many of them, anyway! The food element is the key, because exercise is not a magic solution in itself unless you're going to run, swim or cycle for huge distances. Wiggo may burn 6,000 calories per day, but 99.9% of us don't and can't!
Unless I'm quite obsessive about it, it's very hard to stick to my new routine. Well, it was to start with, but after a couple of months it's become quite normal. That's how new habits are formed, I suppose.
I know that I can't be trusted not to fill my face with rubbish, given half a chance. So I plan exactly what I'm going to eat each day, write it down in a spreadsheet and keep track of the calories. It's a bit geeky and control-freaky, but it seems to work for me. Everyone seems to have found their own method.
The only rules that I've set myself are that I'm not allowed to go beyond my 1500 calories per day max, and that I must walk for at least one hour per day, whatever the weather. I frequently borrow an elderly neighbour's dog, so that I have a good reason to get out of the house. The dog's happier, too!
I've found that I don't feel hungry early in the day, so I don't force myself to eat when I'm not absolutely ravenous, and I try to eat slowly and consciously at all times, rather than just shovelling in fuel. Drinking lots of water, tea and coffee, helps me too (but not the 3 or 4 lattes that I used to have every day).
If I want to blow my allotted calories on something "bad", fine. But then I have to suffer for the rest of the day, as a penance. That deters me from doing it again (especially the sweet stuff that doesn't fill you up)! If I'm going to go out for a meal or to the pub, or whatever, I have to prepare for that by not eating much in the first half of the day. I'm trying to teach myself to embrace the feeling of being hungry and remind myself that it's doing me good and it won't be long till the next meal. That's not a good mindset for people flirting with anorexia, but that certainly isn't my current problem!
Try not to fall off the wagon, although you surely will, now and again. When you do, pick yourself up, write off the disaster, and start all over again. And keep on starting all over again. Tomorrow's another day. Good luck!
Good advice flavourfriend. I became quite obsessive about my diet and weight loss. Don't think I could have succeeded without doing this. I still have a little obsession with the weighing scales, getting weighed twice a day but I find this allows me more control as any weight gain is dealt with instantly by being stricter for the next day or so. I am getting more relaxed now as I hit the weight I wanted to be after 15 months. Now almost 18 months but still maintaining my 8 stone loss but in a more relaxed way. I had a bit of a pig out this weekend as I was away and gained a few pounds but have already lost some of those by being strict yesterday.
I do agree though that to succeed you have to be strict and determined. Ditch all the bad stuff and eat healthily. I live with a partner who did not join in as she didn't really have a weight problem. We solved that by eating different diets but as we went along she gradually ate and enjoyed my food. A lot of stir fries without noodles and soups. More fruit and porridge for breakfast. Takeaways were banned and fish and chips were a once in a blue moon treat. I don't have any refined sugar, Limit carbs except for my breakfast of porridge made with water and a spoon of 0% fat yoghurt and berries for flavour.
The hardest part of any of this is to get your mind in a place where you can say no. I got there but this is after a very overweight adulthood for over 30 years. I wish I could give advice on this but everyone has their own motivation. Mine was a particularly bad holiday photo.
8 stones in 15 months is extremely impressive. I'm now only (!) about 30 kgs/5 stones from my ideal weight. If I can shift that over the next 15 months, I'll be delirious.
Congratulations on keeping the weight off, too. I understand that that's just as hard as losing it in the first place.
My first reaction to reading this is...eat plenty, but just make it the right, lower calorie stuff. I'm a real foodie with a huge appetite but I use veggies and salad to my advantage. I made a massive veg stir fry the other day (just leave out the rice/noodles and stick with the veg side), and I couldn't eat it all, had to throw a bit away. It was under 300 calories. So a hugely filling meal for me, but with hardly any calories to it.
I started out using the NHS BMI calculator to find out my daily recommended calories (and got a nice surprise actually). I keep a food diary so I know what I'm putting into my mouth. Don't forget drinks either, like pure fruit juice (quite high and a big sugar kick - I've cut it out now), lattes, hot chocolates, those things can pile calories onto your daily limit. I tend to stick to water, low cal squash, the odd glass of zero cal cherry pepsi here and there, tea, and a very occasional sachet of Nescafe cappuccino as a treat (I think it's about 58 cals). The NHS site also has a calorie counter where you can look up how many cals are actually in your food. It sounds a bit fiddly but it can be a real eye opener, and once you save or list regular family meals with the number of calories you don't have to count the calories as long as you always use the same amount of ingredients, you can just go ahead and make the meal, then look up the calorie amount in your saved document/list. It does become easy to do after a while, and a good habit really.
You are right to want to do something about this now, everything you say about children etc is spot on. I am overweight, but I also have arthritis and have struggled with my back throughout my son's life, he is now aged 12. There have been lots of things I have wanted to do with him but couldn't. Please take it from me, you are doing the right thing, if your weight is going to stop you doing things, you want to stay as mobile as possible and enjoy to the max, as you don't know if that mobility might be taken away from you at some point in the future. If you want to have children, you are right, you need to make sure you are fit enough to participate so that you don't feel the same guilt that you could have done more with them, and that feeling of missing out on things, like I still do. It is a horrible feeling.
On a more positive note, I started eating better at the beginning of September and I have just broken the 2 stone loss barrier. So please be assured that you can still lose weight even if you can't exercise much - I've done it. I still have a long way to go, as I am still obese, but this forum is brilliant for support and tips, folk are very friendly and helpful, just keep commenting and posting, it helps you stay on track on those "wobbly" days! There is also a weekly Monday weigh in usually posted by Lowcal where people post gains/losses and cheer each other on...that helps you stay on track too, checking in every week.
My posts/replies always turn into essays so I'll cut it off here, very good luck, you can do this and we are right behind you!
Hi Nicole0892, I really feel for you and I know it's like to tear up as you analyse why you don't like the way you are and the multiple overwhelming challenges that seems to present.
You are already exercising, you already know what's at stake and you are already asking for advice. you are on the way. You say you feel dreadful but facing these awful thoughts is part of reversing the spiral and changing things.
You don't have to do this on your own. This site is great and full of practical advise about eating, exercise, managing family dynamics etc. You already have great responses.
Here is some practical hints from me.
GPs aren't saints they have bad days at work like the rest of us but s/he won't laugh. Try not to see a locum, ask for one of the partners in your practice as you might be going back and forth a bit over the next couple of years. Get blood tests to rule out thyroid problems, anemia and other possibilities.
There is a really great series of books in the NHS bibliotherapy program which explore many of the issues around eating, family and life - I find those really helpful especially "overcoming binge eating" by Christopher Fairburn. They will all be in your local library.
Baby steps worked for me: I started via exercise which helped with the depression and self esteem side and then tackled the binge eating and family-relationships distress before I started to count calories and address my weight. For other people dealing with everything at once has been a transformative experience. I really hope you find what works for you.
Feel better 💐
I do understand how you feel. I weighed more than you do when I started and had a low self esteem. Try the nhs plan. Plan put out some nice meals that you like from it. Go shopplng and fill the fridge with stuff you can have. Don't get hungry.
From what you say it I think some of your overeating may come from processed foods. The food industry make these foods addictive by adding extra salt and sugar. If you can reduce the amount of this stuff you eat and replace it with healthy foods you will find the cravings to overeat will go away.
Do ask your doctor for help, if you can, and tell him about your problem with milk, too.
Perhaps try some oats instead of Wheatabix for breakfast, but have some good protein for lunch. Focus on the idea of healthy eating rather than thinking of dieting, you need to be eating 'right' rather than eating 'less'. Cook from scratch whoever possible. Plan ahead.
As others have said, convenience food is made to be addictive, but giving it up is essential for your health and weight loss. Please don't beat yourself up if you fall off the wagon, take care of yourself instead.
I'd say I am in a very similar boat to you. I'm 21, love exercise, but eat the wrong foods, too much. You're not alone in your struggles.
Here's my tactic:
You have survived being a size 16 for some time. It won't get worse, so relax. Worry about feeding yourself the best food before worrying about being a size 16. You can be smug on the street knowing you have had your healthy food while everyone else is eating shit food. It doesn't matter what your body looks like for the first bit. Be prou of being healthy, and your body will catch up in time.
Well done for writing all that! I'm sure there are many of us who have lived and are living the same sort of thing. You're not alone... But you are also NOT disgusting, foodwise you are just not at your best at the moment- that's all. There's nothing disgusting about struggling and wanting to be a better version of yourself.
Do you work? What other activities take up your time? Just to get a picture of the time you have on your hands. One idea that works for me is to change the way you see food. I live in Paris and in France, people eat whatever they like- fat, wheat, sugar, dairy. They treat every meal like a celebration, savouring food rather than just eating it. Food is to be enjoyed, not just consumed.
My idea is that, provided you have some time, you plan your meals for both u and ur SO to be an event- imagine you were entertaining the queen or your favourite celeb every day. Set out nice tableware, serve food in courses (veg starter, protein & carb or legume main, salad & then fruit dessert). Smaller portions of fabulous & delicious food will fill you up, & will help rebuild a relationship with food where you are in control of this enjoyable part of life, not the other way round.
Don't buy anything in a packet, from scratch is best. Have a salad every meal & base your meals on protein, rather than carbs, to feel fuller, longer.
Here's an example of my dinner last night:
Starter: sweet corn & grated carrot salad with lemon & salt (a cupful roughly)
Main: Beef burger patty and mashed potatoes (with mustard)
You maybe right Concerned but I have Weetabix or Shredded Wheat every day for lunch and it keeps me full until dinner time. I guess we're all different.
Hi - you've got lots of good advice here. Just wanted to say, well done for persevering which is the first rule of weight loss as no-one finds it entirely straight forward. I wish you lots of healthy changes for 2016 (and I wish myself a little of your "up-for-exerciseness"!).
I have read all these comments - thank so much for all of the support and advice. I've decided I'm going to be extra strict in my eating. We are now planning meals at home and I am making sure 50% of my plate is veg.
I was referred to a specialist re the problems with my running and have been informed of some problems I have with my knees and feet, so I've been advised to stop running because of the impact on my joints, I'm now to take up cycling - whilst I am in no position to go out and buy a bike. I do however have a stationary bike - so I've stopped the gym membership - I see no reason to pay money monthly to go somewhere just to use a bike when I have one at home - I also have some weights at home too.
Need to change! More so as I bought a new pair of jeans in sale and they are a VERY tight 16. so my first step is to fit in to those!
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