Everything still same, he's still mean and doesn't like me... but...

Under the circumstances, I have no choice but to go back home. It's going to be hell and I've prepared myself for it. Unfortunately, we cannot afford to live in two separate places, it's costing too much and I'm missing important GP appointments myself. I've just written him an email to tell him that I have no choice but to return and oh boy, I'm bracing myself to get hit with his worse.

He's really being mean and doesn't care at all how it hurts me. I've worked at mentally turning off letting him hit my core and I'm working towards not taking anything he says or does personally. I've told him that we can be nothing more than room-mates. Just boarders sharing the same accommodations. I know he'll be nasty about it, but in truth he has no other alternatives and neither do I.

Sooooooooo - I'm stepping back into the Lion's den... and I will have to be ever so careful not to do anything to provoke his anger, rage, temper or HEAT. I realize I am going to haver mouse around him, that's just the way it is.

Hope for the best with me - because he still has not attended his appt. gotten the meds he needs so I'm moving back into a home where my husband resents me, does not like me and does nothing to hide it.

I will have to be strong, and as I said, be quiet as a mouse and leave him to do whatever it is he wishes to do. This condition really is soul destroying, wrecking our peace in a way that puts you through so much stress - suicide does come to your mind, you simply can't help it. I'm not contemplating it, but it has come to my mind more than once.

I just want peace back - the non-stop drama makes me weak. But I can't be now, I have to be strong - Mighty Mouse, hahahaha, that will be me.

[Hidden]

What a dreadful situation you are in. Try to keep out of his way as much as possible. Are you able to get out from time to time whilst he is there, just to give you a break and the strength to cope.Could you possibly have counselling at your Gp's surgery, they may be able to suggest other ways of coping. Don't be afraid to ask for help from those you care about. Thinking of you at this terrible time x

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

That is my plan exactly. Staying out of his way. Remaining quiet. Going out of the house and leaving him to it. My plan is to be his housemaid, servant - quiet attendant if needed. For certain until his appointment and he gets the hormone replacements he desperately needs. I can do this. I have God on my side. I have friends, I have HERE and you wonderful people and I have hope that after he returns to the man he used to be, we will at least be able to be friends again. I break my own heart by daydreaming and fantasizing that he'll come back to his senses and remember how much he once loved me. I mean, this man REALLY REALLY loved me once. Just 3 months ago, he asked me to marry him again. And now, just a few months later... anything he can do to hurt me, or rather say to hurt me, snap at me, he does.

I must be humble, meek, quiet, patient and kind. I must love him with no hope of the romantic wifely love I once had and expected to be reciprocated back from him. That's the way it has to be for me. I accept it. I have no choice really. You see, I still love him - and to abandon him now, would be cruel on my part because I know it's not ALL him. Those that do and believe in it, pray for me.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

I will pray for you, and send you absent healing xx

[Lenny]

what an awful situation to be in. Speak to your council and/or housing association you may be eligible for emergency accommodation. Your doctor may be able to back you up for medical evidence as your situation seems to be affecting your mental health as well as any other health problems you may have. Please stay strong x

[Hidden in reply to Lenny]

That's another reason I must go back, in order to speak with my GP there, who is both of our GP. I will certainly ask for counselling. I cannot ask for emergency accommodations because we live in counsel housing and if they knew I wasn't there, they will try and force him out into a smaller place. I can adapt, he does not adapt easily. So I will do what has to be done. Yes certainly Lenny, I will do all that you've advised because I WILL need all the help I can get to cope.

[Hidden]

I know this situation is so hard for you, I had my thyroid removed in June and I'm all mixed up too. I love my hubby so much, but I am so up and down with my moods we keep falling out too, I long to be the old me, but I've changed so much but with my hubby's help we are hopefully on the right road now. It's taken a long time but at last we have much more understanding of our situation. We have both fought the doctors for proper medications and the correct blood tests. I now have T4 and T3 combo meds and my many other health problems are being sorted out slowly but surely. It's been a journey to hell and back for both of us, we have lost lots of friends and family along the way but time and correct meds heals. We still have ups and downs but we are dealing with things a lot better now. There was a time when my hubby turned his back on me and we didn't speak for a week, it tore my heart out, I needed him to understand and now he's starting to....please don't give up on him..maybe the other women are just somebody , anybody who will listen and understand him, but deep down he still loves you, I'm sure....my heart goes out to you.. Big big hugs.. Xxxxx