Fat? What fat?

Fat? What fat?

Ok, so I'm a Hashi's sufferer and I take thyroxine. I've been called 'fat' on two separate occasions and I just don't get it.

The first time a girl shouted out to me to 'lose some weight' and the second time a workman looked at me when I came out of my car and said I was 'too fat for his liking'. Am I really that bad?

I feel like I can't associate with myself anymore. I used to have such more confidence since gaining more weight as I did it all myself to get there by eating starchier food and more carb-rich stuff, and receiving comments like that knocks my confidence right down again.

I don't understand.

26 Replies

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  • Is that you Jo in the picture? If it is, I can't see where these people are coming from! You have a figure any girl would be proud of. Take no notice of such remarks, they're not true - must be jealousy.

    Jen x

  • Hi Jen, yes that's me. :) OH agrees with the first girl being a bit sarcastic. Not sure about what the two men I saw on Monday were going on about but I didn't have time to worry about it after he said that because I was visiting my grandparents and I wanted to better explain to them my Hashi's. I had other things to worry about really. :) xx

  • Hi Jo, Sometimes people make nasty comments because they are jealous! If this is you in the picture, there is not an ounce of fat on you as far as I can see so please ignore these comments. The people who made comments are not worth spending any time thinking about. Lyn

  • Hi lynn, thanks for your support. It just knocks what confidence I had built up after doing so well putting the weight back on and because it happened to me twice it made me think "maybe I am a bit big". OH says he loves me the way I am and so should I. Mum and stepdad were worried at one stage that I looked skeletal at the start of the year and my grandparents now say I've filled out a bit more so I've been very pleased with how I've been doing lately. :) x

  • hi...take no notice ..i think they were trying to be ironic because you have such a slim gorgeous figure....you have to love yourself...if i saw that figure when i looked in a mirror i would be over the moon xxxx

  • Hi, kizzy, thanks for your support. Yes, my OH said that the girl who shouted out at me the first time was probably being ironic. :) xxx

  • Wow you look great i would kill for a figure like that ;) (allthough pretty chuffed with myself for already losing 38lbs still about the same to go though) i think its just jealousy and nothing more and if the workman prefers skeleton he should really re-asses his life he clearly is single as he has skewed views on what is a normal figure for a woman, size 16 is the average womens dress size! You shouldnt care what they think be happy within yourself and you should be by the way, self confidence is the most attractive attribute in a person. :)

  • Hi MCoates, thanks for the comment!!! I actually used to be a size 10/12 at school as I still had a fair bit of puppy fat from when I was younger. Also the canteens at school changed from dinnerladies serving us to them being replaced with fast food areas, so when I started my admin job a couple of years later the weight fell off me as I was constantly on my feet all day. That was I enjoyed about it as it kept me fit. Because I now don't work at the moment (I took VR for health reasons) I didn't eat a lot of food during the day, well, not until my OH came home from work whereas now I eat because I know I have to even when I don't feel like it I eat something for breakfast and lunch. I've had to throw away 2 pairs of size 6 jeans because they were just too tight on me! It's heartbreaking to give away clothes you like but if you can't wear them what's the point in keeping them?

    I even tried a size 12 t-shirt on (without realising it was a size 12, it was on a size 8 hanger) and it was only a little loose but looked fine on me. I actually felt pretty chuffed after I realised its size!! :) xx

  • Hi, hope you don't mind me asking this but could you share how you have managed to lose 38 lbs.

    I have been struggling to lose weight nothing seems to work. I am feeling very despondent ...

    Many thanks and well done!

  • With a1200kcal low carb diet and exercise it is hard work and, very slow you can try and find my old posts there is a food diary on there but be warned you wont loose an ounce if your medication isnt right

  • Agree with all the above posts. You look brilliant.

  • Hi Carnation, thanks for the support. For a Hashi's sufferer I don't look too bad. :)

  • I agree you look lovely. Ignore the nasty comments. Its how you feel about yourself that counts.x

  • Thanks bottleblond. xxx

  • It is ridiculous comments like that that made my elder daughter very thin. The workman obviously looked at you and knew you were way out of his league. He also has very small parts so he feels insecure. Insecure people always try and knock the confidence of others. Girls commenting are just plain jealous. You look lovely, just right in fact. The best response is to laugh at them - they are being ironic. Anyone who fancies a stick insect is looking for a vulnerable target. Get your confident smile on and leave them in your wake. :-) :-) Alison

  • Hi Alison thanks for your support. :) :)

    Yes, I did actually suffer from anorexia when I was a lot younger and at school. I'm actually in the healthy range for BMI (19.5) so I don't know where the comments are coming from. I've put on a lot more weight since - this isn't the heaviest I've ever been as when I was a lot younger I had puppy fat like most girls. I weighed about 8 stone when I was around 15 or so, but I'm getting there slowly.

    xxx

  • Just keep going Jo. One good thing about them picking on you is they can't tell there is anything wrong at all. That shows you are doing really well. I wish I had a healthy BMI. Sadly, I am too hypo and I've had too many steroids over the years! Take care and take heart. :-) :-) :-) Alison

  • Thanks Alison. :) I went to the Thyroid Support Group today and everyone was so lovely and understanding. :) I've had a lot of problems identifying with myself as I'm hypo and so meant to be big, but I'm hypo and slim (Hashi's) so most of the time when strangers say to me I look big and other people say I look like a twig I kind of think "I don't know who I am".

    xxx

  • You look fabulous! People can be so unkind, maybe they should take a look in the mirror themselves before they make personal remarks. I have lost a lot of weight through being ill and hate it whenever anybody comments on it - it seems to be they think they can say anything they like and it doesn't matter. I hate looking like a stick insect, or as I usually say 'a peeled twig', and it really does knock your confidence when unthinking and undoubtedly completely stupid people make comments. You know they aren't worth it, but it still hurts.

    Try not to let it get to you because believe me, (and everybody else) you look really great. :-) Kanga xx

  • Hi Kangagirl, thanks for your support.

    Yes, it does knock your confidence and those particular two incidents just confused me more than upset me. When I went the other way, as in losing weight, my stepdad and mum literally came right out and said it and at that point I just burst into tears because I wasn't doing anything wrong and I had no control over it because my thyroid was still swollen on the inside.

    Thanks

    Jo xxx

  • Hi Jo - it must be so confusing if you get somebody saying you're big and another saying the opposite. Even people close to you can be pretty tactless which must be so upsetting. Can't imagine what people are thinking sometimes. The problem must lie with them because you're certainly not fat in anyway whatsoever, but on the other hand, although you're nice and slim, there's no way you're too thin either. Just right in fact! :-)

    One thing you can be sure of, you'll get TONS of support from the people on this forum. We're all different, and come in all shapes and sizes! And most of us have all struggled for a long time with our health in one way or another - mostly down to thyroid and illnesses related to it - under treatment, over treatment, the wrong treatment, NO treatment and everything in between.

    As for the weight thing - I was pretty porky as a child - let's be honest I was - er fat, though not obese as you see today. My mother had a cuckoo complex - every time somebody opened their mouth, she put food into it. :-D

    Luckily it didn't even occur to me that if I ate less I would get thinner, and I had a very healthy appetite, with only the usual childhood illnesses and lots of energy and stamina (the good old days!) A lot of my chubbiness fell off anyway when I got to my late teens. So it was very upsetting indeed when I first got sick in my 20s and lost so much weight - like you I couldn't help it, I felt so ill all the time. It all started with the virus I had, but I was accused of being Anorexic, although I never was and never wanted to become a human twig. It was very hurtful.

    So I've seen it from the side when people made cracks about me being 'a big girl' (ie fat) or like the last many years when they feel they have the right to make comments about me being thin. Neither is much fun, and I've had to stop myself from saying something really rude back. I usually say 'oh, thanks for telling me, I didn't realise I was thin. I was 11 stone when I came out this morning'. Usually they're so dim it goes right over their heads and they look at me as though I'm loopy as well as thin.

    But I AM too thin and you're not, so as I say, try not to let it get to you. Beacause its they who have the problem - jealousy, no tact, whatever.

    I was aware that HypoT usually means that people can't lose weight, but it's not a rule cast in stone and I figured I was just one of those who was thin instead of fat. I have a good friend who is HypoT and she looks about 30 years younger than her age, runs around with boundless energy, eats like a horse, has a figure to die for and has long thick dark hair without a single grey (at 62!). She's on levo and it obviously suits her. If she wasn't my friend I'm afraid I would have to shoot her :-D

    So lean on all of us on the forum who aren't so lucky - we all feel for you and you'll get so much support and understanding, which hopefully will be of some help. None of this is your fault, you have done nothing wrong and can't help the way you are (which looks pretty darn perfect to most of us! :-) xx

  • Hi Kangagirl, your reply made me feel much better. :) :) :)

    I went to my local Thyroid Support group today and they're all really lovely people. The group's team leader was very understanding and someone she herself knows has the same problem as me. Although it's very daunting to meet new people it was a little overwhelming but I was happy to take a back seat and hear everyone else's stories. And the other guys' stories were much more unfortunate than mine!!

    I go back to see the group's leader next week so she can see if there are any other ways to help me. She's also a therapist in Tai Chi and aromatherapy so it'd be interesting to see what else would help.

    I felt extremely porky one day going back a couple of weeks and this was when I visited my grandparents. My grandad's brother who I hadn't seen in 10 years and his partner (who I've never met before) were coming to visit and I wanted to go round and say hi to them. His partner and I had a hug and she looked at me and said "aren't you tiny?" I actually felt the opposite! None of my folks have ever said that I'm thin or not eating enough, in fact they did say to me I filled out a bit more at my waist, i.e., got more in the way of love handles/curves.

    Even my OH said to me one night in bed I'm a bit more huggable!

    I'm just trying to eat more starch and food that's high in carbs and fat as the problems swallowing from the goitre haven't fully gone away. That's the only way around it. I'm not far off my target weight, only six more ounces to go! I ate a lot yesterday and my tummy had all bulged out like a house! I woke up this morning it had all gone down. Never mind!! :)

    xxx

  • Only too pleased to be of help - if words can wound, perhaps they can make people feel a bit better too. It's good that you're getting some face to face help with the group, at least they will understand how you feel.

    I had to smile (rather ruefully) when you said the lady who hugged you said 'aren't you tiny?' because that's EXACTLY the words I've had said to me. I want to say no, actually I'm not TINY, I'm 5ft 7, I'm just THIN. I suppose tiny is kinder than saying skinny or scrawny or scraggy, which I've also had said to me, but I don't know why they feel they have to say anything at all really, especially if they don't even know you.

    I've got very small feet for my height, but nobody ever says what nice little feet I've got! Just as well I'm flat chested, or I would overbalance and fall flat on my face. :-) And they never say what a cute turned up nose or pretty hands - well, nobody would comment on things like that, and you don't expect it, so why is this thin/fat thing something they feel they can comment on and it won't matter or cause hurt? Beats me.

    I bet you would never dream of saying to anybody, why have you got a great fat bum or what a huge great nose you've got, or your roots need doing, or how extremely wrinkled you look today :-D so I'm at a loss to know why they have to do it. I sometimes feel I'm just going to slap the next one.

    Anyway, glad to hear you're getting close to your target weight. I feel bad for those who can't even sniff a doughnut without piling on the pounds, but I wish it was that easy for people like us. I try to graze practically all the time, but I have to be so careful with sugary or fatty things (just what you want for putting on weight, even if they're not very 'healthy') because they make me sick. Before I had that wretched virus I could - and did - eat practically anything.

    Sadly, boring things like fish and veg don't pile on the pounds. Thank goodness for mashed potato, I seem to get through a ton of that, but it is slow going - three steps forward and two back if I get a migraine that lasts 3 or 4 days, because then I can't eat much if at all and the weight falls off again.

    Having problems swallowing must be really horrible - I seem to get a lot of sore throats but luckily only occasional little chokes with swallowing (again crossed fingers), and it feels very scary. At least you're getting there with your weight - just think, when your tummy goes down in the night, it's all gone somewhere else - hopefully to the parts of your body where you want it to go!

    I remember one time when I was recovering from a relapse, I tried on a pair of jeans in a shop and was ecstatic because I couldn't zip them up! I bet they get more people swearing about that instead of shrieking with delight!

    Well, take heart and keep on keeping on - and let us know how you're doing.

    All the best, Kanga xx :-)

  • Hi Kanga thanks for your reply!! :) Some of the stuff you said made my day!! :) :)

    I know where you're coming from when you say you wouldn't ever dream of saying to just anyone what a great big bum they've got or what a huge nose they have. I've had occasions, mostly with other women, who turn their nose up at me or look at me as though I'm some sort of insect and I just think "well I know straightaway what you think of me" and leave it at that! :D I had a situation in a shop once and this big lady bashed into me. I let her know I didn't really approve of her not saying sorry to me and she said under her breath "so I don't have a right to be in this store then?" I then said "thanks for bashing me and not saying sorry." To me, good manners cost nothing. I'm not trying to preach to anyone but I was brought up with good manners and when a stranger in the street or a shop is rude I let them know about it. Not in a horrible way but in a way that lets them know that the way they're behaving is wrong. What did this lady say? "I wouldn't call it a bash, love." She literally sent me flying into a pile of clothes hanging up! I mean that isn't hard for anyone to do as a gentle breeze can send me flying, but it was more the case that she didn't apologise.

    I then said to her, "oh well, it must be my massive butt blocking your way." She didn't reply of course and walked straight out. She then walked very slowly down the mall's corridor and I knew she was waiting for me to come out and have another pop at me. So I waited till she was right down the other end - then hotfooted it the other way!

    I don't like confrontations but I'll try and fight my corner if I have to.

    I can empathise with the flat-chestedness. I'm not too bad, but my breasts have probably been the same as they were when I was 15. I'm possibly the only 28yr old around (I would say in Bristol) with 32A breasts. The only time I like them is when I'm on a period as they swell a lot more. I'm kind of telling them off this month as they hardly swelled up at all. I feel sexier and more confident with them bigger but I wouldn't dream of investing in getting them enlarged. And my OH likes me for me and I could never change me. Wearing padded bras is fine by me! :) I get flustered going to the kids' section for bras as most shops don't go down to my size but if that's what I gotta do that's what I gotta do, right? I even had to get a bra tailor-made for me - embarrassing or what? Do you get the same sorts of problems?

    That's a bit strange how you get migraines with mashed potato. I wonder why that is. The only adverse reaction I ever had from mashed potato was that I used to get chest pains - but that was because when I lived with my nan, she:

    * made it too thick and put I don't know how much butter and milk in it

    * made too big portions of it, and

    * because mash was my favourite food when I was little she found it necessary to keep feeding me it when I was well into my 20s. Not only that but we could easily have mash 3 times a week. I got so sick of it in the end (that was one of the few reasons I moved out!! :D)

    I love mash but not as much as I used to! It's a great source of starch and fills me up.

    When I was initially looking for ways to build up my weight, I looked into buying Complan, a protein shake, but because they were loaded with protein and other good things, I couldn't get that out of my mind as I drank it. So it didn't taste very good. I even bought high-energy protein bars - chocolate ones mainly, but there was nothing chocolatey about them!

    I would get a blender in a heartbeat but we don't have the space for one and with only one of us working it's not something we can afford. There are hand-held ones available but my OH is worried we won't get a lot of use out of it, not now anyway if my swallowing is much better.

    I'm definitely there with you on trying on pairs of jeans/clothes only to find they don't fit!! I've got a size 8 pair of jeggings that I wear almost all the time as they're pink. When I first wore them little creases in the inner thigh areas would develop when I sat down (which basically meant even though they were elastic there was still room in them) but now I have to literally peel the things off me. I don't want to get rid of them as I love them too much though! I'm more of a sucker for tops, always trying tops on and buying them.

    I'm so glad I don't feel like the only one with problems swallowing. The first time I had problems swallowing was when I did actually choke on something small - believe it or not it was on a small piece of a jacket on a potato. I tried to cough it up to get it out but it never showed itself. It is quite scary when it happens, even more so when the food you choke on doesn't come back up!! My mum suffers from quite bad choking fits as she has MS. I've also been with her when it happens and it's really upsetting to see as she can't control it - much in the way that we can't.

    The next choking episode after that happened in a restaurant with my mates from my old work. I accidentally swallowed a massive piece of chicken and because I swallowed it one go it made me think it went down the wrong way. So I was sitting there trying to cough this piece of food up that wasn't really hurting me anyway! But that's what my swallowing problems made me do and it was really embarrassing trying to explain to my mates that I had trouble eating as then they would start to get worried. (And all my mates at work were always telling me there was nothing to me, in a friendly sort of way). After that choking episode I went to the A and E as I still felt as though the food was still stuck. The doctor I saw said he couldn't see anything but I had a small oesophagus. Since when? How? Why? :o I didn't know what to think when he told me that!

    And then a week or so later the goitre came about and it was a battle going for our daily shop when we both met up after work, as it meant me having to eat things high in calorie content but guaranteed to keep me nourished. And that's very hard when we go to a Tesco Express as they don't stock everything a normal Tesco would sell, only the dearest possible items from what we've leant. I would eat a lot of cheese as that would melt in my mouth and soup was always easy to eat. Also yoghurts, two or three in one night. Anything else would just take so long to shift down my throat. This was back in January last year and my doctor who I've since left prescribed me anti-depressants as she thought I was depressed or starving myself to death. Of course if they checked for my thyroid function more efficiently neither would've been the case but that's all done and dusted and I've got no intention of re-registering with them because of the mistakes they made.

    It wasn't until October that I changed the way I ate. I drowned my meals in ketchup, BBQ sauce, brown sauce, salad cream, anything that would moisten it and soften it up. I also made sure I swallowed what I knew were the correct mouthfuls so if I swallowed too much without knowing I wouldn't have ended up shocked and coughed it back up again. It probably sounds stupid I know, but I really wanted to get better by keeping going and eating what I could. It would take me twice the time it would take my OH, stepdad or mum, but as long as I ate something that was what mattered to them.

    So now I eat when I can but also because I know I have to. Without food I won't be able to do very much but even if I don't feel like eating I still stuff myself mad.

    Best wishes and take care

    Jo xxx

  • Hi Jo

    You're not alone in having bad supermarket experiences! I always call it the UN-supermarket. One time a huge thuggish looking guy pushing a trolley with his girlfriend bashed into me at an 'intersection' between aisles, and I actual said sorry! He moved on, saying something like 'stupid old bat' and I was so mad, I actually ran after him and confronted him - if I'd stopped to think I wouldn't have done it because he looked like a real thug.

    We stood there yelling at each other until his girlfriend dragged him away and I stood there shaking. Then reaction set in and I was so afraid of coming face to face with him again I went down the other end and stayed there for ages. I'm surprised we didn't get thrown out.

    And then there are the morons who either won't move their trolleys so you can get at the veg, or the ones that elbow you out of the way or jump the queue at the deli counter. You meet the most charming people.

    When my husband goes he always comes back swearing fit to bust at the way people behave, and he's one of those people who hardly ever gets mad, and is so laid back he's practically horizontal. :-)

    You're right, good manners don't cost anything, and I hust hate it when people are so rude or unpleasant when there's no need for it. What they've got in place of brains I hate to think. Well I could think of a few things, but not fit for a public forum

    :-)

    As for the mashed potatoes, they don't GIVE me migraine, (at least I don't think so), but I eat tons of it because sometimes (say if I'm getting over a migraine) I can't manage anything else, and at least its starchy and hopefully fattening! So halleluyah for mashed potato - but yes, it does get a bit tedious.

    So far my swallowing problems don't seem to be nearly as bad as yours, touch wood - it's more a lot of sore throats with the occasional problem - the sore throats are a bit of a worry and I hope it doesn't develop into something worse. But it must be very scary for you, all the more so if your mum has problems as well and you see it happening with somebody else.

    It sounds like you've taken the right tack by making sure everything is the right consistency to get down, and by taking the right sized mouthfuls. Any strategy you can work out to get the flipping food down, eh? Everything takes me ages too. Nothing is stupid, you have to do the best you can do, and at least you're making superhuman efforts.

    It's a right pain I know - I had big problems chewing when I had a big dental surgey, and had to either cut things into miniscule pieces or mash fish and veg and mashed potatoes into a horrible mush so that they would more or less melt in the mouth and just slide down.

    It's SO difficult to find things that have enough calories or nourishment etc and aren't loaded with tons of sugar or full cream milk, both of which make me sick. I did try Complan years ago, but it tasted so disgusting - mostly sugar and milk and dried milk with synthetic flavouring, that I couldnt bear it. It was all chocolate and banana and strawberry 'flavour' - big yeuk, although I know most people like those flavours. Even the plain was horrible, but maybe its improved since then.

    All these body building shakes are the same - I have tried them but they make me feel sick and gag :-) so my husband ends up having them - the human dustbin, that's him! He eats all my failures bless him. I've just had to resign myelf to eating as much as I can of what I can - like you I'm doing my best and if other people think I'm weird, well I probably am!

    It's an uphill struggle, and so annoying when people don't understand why you can't just scarf down any old thing at 100 mph. IF ONLY! I used to be able to eat just about anything, and although you kind of learn to live with not being able to, it's alway a bit miserable.

    We don't go in cafes much anymore, but one we used to go to sometimes I could almost literally snatch the bacon egg and chips from other people's plates, gobble it down and hang the consequences. (Me flat on my back in the bathroom for hours trying not to be sick). But, it just isn't worth feeing so bad, so its back to the fish and veg and mash! Oh well.

    GPs always seem to want to give you antidepressants when they don't know what to do. That's the story of most people's lives when they have thyroid problems - don't treat the thryroid properly, just shove you antidepressants. They do help some people and there's no shame in it if they do help, but a lot of the time its just fobbing you off. Anyway, if you feel bad enough for long enough and nobody will listen to you, you'd have to be made of concrete not to feel depressed - but that's not the same as clinical depression, an illness in its own right.

    Ah, the bra issue...I was never any more than a 34A, and they are very far apart if you get my drift, so I never had any cleavage of any kind. Since they got even smaller, I don't even wear a bra these days, there doesn't seem much point in having a strip of cloth tied round you that's just full of fresh air.

    I did consider wearing my bra back to front, as my bony shoulderblades seem to stick out more than my boobs do :-D

    I try to diguise my lack of chest by wearing loose shirts and sweaters etc that I can tuck into jeans and give the impression I've got more than I have. I'm too scared of general anaesthetic and all the horror stories you hear about implants to consider plastic surgery. Some other foreign body doing it's thing inside me is probaby not a good idea! I could never afford it anyway. But I can't deny I would love to have a bit more up top.

    I've tried padded bras, includind the silicon filled ones which weigh a ton. A daughter of one of my friends took hers off at the dinner table and plonked it down, it was so uncomfortable. Wish I'd been there! I suppose one consolation is that our boobs will never be down to our waist in old age, and when you lay down they don't fall down the side and spread like blancmanges. Not sure if that's any real consolation but as long as the people that matter don't mind us being flat chested I suppose that's something.

    I used to wear leggings back when they were the in thing ages ago, and loved them, although I'm tall so they were never really long enough. But jeggings are a step too far for me at the moment. Jeans are OK, but anything clingy or tight just makes my legs look more like matchsticks than ever. Shopping for clothes these days isn't so much 'retail therapy' as 'retail torture' - I get so upset every time I see this stick insect in the mirror and nothing fits, I just don't bother any more. But if I can put on a decent amount of weight before I get too old too care, I'll be hitting the High Street looking for a whole new wardrobe!

    Meanwhile it's just jeans and tee shirts or sweatshirts...sigh... Well, we have to do what we have to do, and get by with doing the best we can.

    Keep up the good work, and take care of yourself.

    Kanga xx

  • Hi Kanga!!!

    Yes, I hate shopping just about anywhere, most especially in our supermarket as the aisles are so narrow and people are always bashing into each other. For some strange reason they supply trolleys but why anyone would want to cart a trolley down a narrow aisle and block up everyone else's route I don't understand. I think that's one investment that our Tesco could've done without!

    We go at the worst possible time as well, which is around about five thirty in the evening on weekdays - when everyone else decides to pop in! Most of the time we have to grin and bear the rudeness but as soon as a stranger thinks about doing something nonverbally rude like elbow me out of the way I feel my anger festering and the muscles in my face twitch - I'm guessing due to the tension. It only really ever happens when a stranger looks at me or I feel intimidated. It's very off-putting and even my boyfriend's noticed it! I just can't help it!

    I could never be nasty to anyone - I want everyone in the world to get on together but that'll never happen. I'm kind of getting on my soapbox now!! :o

    I was actually inadvertently rude to someone on the bus yesterday (Saturday) and when I look back at it I can't help but feel awful - I would love to go back into time and tell this woman that I was sorry and never meant anything by what I did.

    All that happened was my boyfriend was rushing to get off the bus and he wasn't waiting around for me. I didn't want us to get separated as we were on a double-decker and it was like a mass exodus at our stop. I cut another lady up and I told my boyfriend when we got off that I wanted us to get off together and he just pretty much jumped off without giving me a second thought! I was hoping that she heard our conversation but unfortunately she didn't and so proceeded to indirectly shout at me down the street. I don't like getting off on the wrong foot with people and I rarely do at all, but when it does happen I get so full of remorse and it can make me feel really down at times.

    I had mashed potato and fish tonight, funnily enough. :) It did kind of go belly-up for me in terms of cooking it all as the fish took 45 minutes to took and the mash just needed to be reheated. Unfortunately the fish was meant to serve two and because I couldn't reheat the fish a second time I had to put both lots into the oven! Pretty poor planning on my part, but I wanted to get more nutrients into my system and I hadn't eaten a lot of protein lately, especially fish, because of the potential to choke on the bones. I'm trying to eat a lot more healthier things now and I'm also attempting to go gluten-free. Whether that'll do anything for my digestion or not, I don't know but I remember taking up eating bread again, which I hadn't done in a very long time and my stomach cramped a little. A few days in and it was fine, so really it's just a test to see if going gluten-free is any good. Buying specially prepared gluten-free food is expensive though, and it's cheaper to make gluten-free dishes from scratch, from what I've learnt. I did attempt a Miss Millie's last night to build up more fat but for some reason my appetite was really off. Today I've eaten fruit, which I hadn't eaten for a very long time so I'm getting there.

    I don't know if you find that, where your appetite is there for quite some time and then for some reason disappears. I would scarf up anything back when I was around 15 or 16, but now I get the same portions of food as I did back then and leave some of it on the plate. I can't help but feel guilty at wasting food, but if I don't feel like it I don't feel like it.

    Yes, I'm not wearing leggings as much. I have a select few I do like to wear now and again, but one pair I'm keen to keep are my thermal ones as they're perfect for the cold weather or when I generally want to feel cosy and warm. Jeans I don't like to wear as much now as they leave big lines on my legs but they're ok for a short time.

    With the bra issue I was silly enough to buy a multiway bra - only because I had the option of having the bra strapless under boob tubes and low-cut dresses, but although the bra was my size the bone in the middle of the thing dug into my chest! So that was only useful for an hour of so of wear. I'm just sticking to my normal padded ones for now.

    Speak soon and take care

    Jo xxx