Got my CT results today

[SDlady]

I previously posted "Possible Recurrence - Beyond Scared. Well, I got my CT results yesterday. I have a cancerous mass next to my bladder and it's a little smaller than a tennis ball. It doesn't appear to have spread anywhere else. Surgery on July 8th and then we will see the next step. I'm trying to take it all in. But, I just wanted to let you all know that responded to my last post and helped me through these last few weeks. It was not what I was hoping for and I am beyond scared again. But, thanks to your posts and encouraging words, I made it to here. Still praying for peace in my heart and head. Thank you and blessings to all as I embark on this journey again.

[Apwulady]

My prayers are with you.You will beat this. You're stronger than you know. Please stay positive. Keep us posted post surgery. All the best.

[Mumsie13 in reply to Apwulady]

Hi again Yvonne. My prayers and blessings are with you. I know this feeling well. You want to know what is going on but then you think it's not really what you wanted to hear. I hope surgery goes well for you. As you say, they don't think it has spread so you are in with a good chance. You got this far and I am sure you can go this step further and find the peace you seek. Let us know how you get on. Hugs. Jackie x

[SDlady in reply to Mumsie13]

Thank you Jackie for your kind words. I will keep you informed as I go through this. Hugs to you.

[Catcher910]

Thinking of you. Will pray for successful surgery. I hope you have someone in person whom you can lean on.

[SDlady in reply to Catcher910]

Thank you for taking time out of your day for me. xo Yvonne

[Archeveritas]

So sorry about the news as it is something I fear constantly. So glad surgery is soon and that the tumor is contained. It’s also so difficult for you to treat yourself to a manicure or haircut before surgery because of this darn virus. I’m sending you virtual hugs and spiritual prayers. Please keep us posted as your journey continues.❤️

[SDlady in reply to Archeveritas]

Thank you so much. I wish I could get a pedicure. I appreciate your thought and especially prayers. xo Yvonne

[Wicomico]

Hey, I am so so sorry. I have no platitudes for you. Find your strength to do whatever you need to do. My thoughts are with you!

[Greytmom]

Sending you positive energy, You can get through this. Just another ride on the roller coaster. Remember;

When there is no wind, we row.

Take care and be kind to yourself.

[SDlady in reply to Greytmom]

I love your attitude. I will think of that saying while on this journey. xo Yvonne

[Newbie_2020]

Thinking of you with loads of prayers and best wishes.

[Lou_UK]

I’m so sorry to hear your cancer is back but glad it hasn’t spread. I’m praying for you and for you to feel loved and carried by God though this season, love Lorraine xx

[SDlady in reply to Lou_UK]

Thank you Lorraine. xo Yvonne

[Here2Day]

I'm sorry this is so late...I'm just now clearing out some built up emails. But my prayers and thoughts are with you just the same. It's the constant uncertainty that rocks our worlds. Once you have answers and a direction mapped out, you will make this next leg of the journey, with support, love, and competent healthcare professionals. We live in the moment now. And you, my friend will have many many moments to come. There's no last chapter to our books, we can't even begin to write them -- too many plot twists!! LOL... And just an FYI -- I've heard many stories of women who've found remission even after recurrence and other hard news. It does happen. Why not for you? God bless xxxx

[SDlady in reply to Here2Day]

Wow, Thank you so much. I have had so many plot twists so far that have rocked my world and I am not even into surgery yet. It's only been 2.5 years and it's back. But I love your positivity. I have only recently, last day, felt like maybe I could do this so your words are precious to me. Thank you. Yvonne

[Wicomico]

Hi just checking on you.... hope you are hanging tough.

[SDlady in reply to Wicomico]

Thanks. I have never cried so much in my life and I am beyond scared. Complications explained yesterday and I will go through this entirely alone due to covid. Praying for Peace and strength from God.

[Wicomico]

.....or having a cry-baby day, whichever works best for you :). My daughter told me that cry-baby days are allowed, but only for one consecutive day. After that, I have to have the "I will beat this" attitude. :))

[SDlady in reply to Wicomico]

Thanks. Good to know because I am so scared to do this alone and I can't stop crying at the possibility of the complications and the outcome.

[Gemimablackvelvet in reply to SDlady]

Dear SDlady,

I wish I could help you right now because I have no idea how you can get through all this alone. I've had some disappointing news about my CA125 rising today after 10 weeks on Rucaparib. I've cried and cried even though I'm not having to go through it alone. My last scan in February showed 3 large tumours one over 12cm, next to my liver, 2 more medium sized tumours plus a few nodules and ascites here and there. After 6 months of Carbo/Caelyx the tumours were reduced by 2/3rds. All I can say to you is large tumours can be reduced with treatment so try not to despair. A great number of brave ladies on here have gone through the mill and come out good at the other end. I hope you can see a positive side to your dilemma and have faith that your team will find the right treatment for you. There will be something out there for you.

Sending loads of love and care. Cry as loud as you wish. It always makes me feel better.

Angela xxx

[SDlady in reply to Gemimablackvelvet]

Thank you so much Angela; comforting me while you have your own situation. That's strength. Your heart is so big. I am scared but finding a little strength here and there. One place I am getting strength is this forum so thank you. Surgery next week. Will be in touch. xoYvonne

[Wicomico in reply to SDlady]

Why are you alone (b/c of COVID)? Where do you live? We need to find you a support person!!

[SDlady in reply to Wicomico]

Yes, b/c of COVID. I will be having the scariest surgery of my life and my family cannot be there or visit due to COVID.

[Wicomico]

For what it's worth, and I am not saying this is the right way for you to do it.... When I was told (After ugly chemo) CA 125 is going up and Gyno said "I feel something in there...", I cried and cried. Driving home alone and crying, I decided that I would not do this alone. I stopped at my daughter's house (she was at first appalled when she saw me...she is a Paramedic and is potentially exposed daily). I told her what was happening and that more than anything, I needed a hug. It was the best hug in a long long time!! (We both had masks on). I have decided that living in total isolation is no longer living. Just as I barely saw people for 5 months, during the chemo because of the side effects, the isolation was just continuing. Again, this may not be right for you, only you can decide. I just have finally gotten to the point where, I am going to do things that I really want to do, and have social connections that I NEED. My goal in going through treatment was to live....I wasn't doing that until I changed my thinking. When I interact, I am very cautious...mask, distancing, sanitizer, small # of people, etc. But when I need/want a hug, I get a hug. I just might die tomorrow from a heart attack---I don't want to go out having failed to take care of my mental health needs. Please, do what you NEED to do to get yourself through this. It is hard enough normally, but without supports, at least to me, it would be impossible!!

[SDlady in reply to Wicomico]

I have family at home but they will not be in the hospital and able to be with me. That scares me to death. Waking up alone with who knows what outcome. Going through chemo again without my husband by my side. This is just so surreal. Thank you for sharing your story with me. I gather strength from this forum so I really appreciate your friendship. Yvonne xo

[Wicomico in reply to SDlady]

I see what you mean by alone. Yep, doing all of what you have coming up without them literally by your side will be very hard. I am so sorry that is the case. I am relieved, however, that you do have family who will hug you and love you as soon as you walk out the door of the medical sites. I was worried that you had no one at all, at any point. The surgery especially will be hard without someone in the room with you. Will you take a lap top or device so that you can Zoom with them? I know it's not the same, but should help a little bit. One of the things that helped me survive the craziness was to focus on, literally, TODAY. What do I need/want to do today? Of course, it might be bad, but I have sort of mastered the art of putting the things that I cannot control or that are too scary, into a box and shoving it aside until I have to open it. (A therapist would have a field day with me lol!) One day at a time, and try to do one fun/happy thing for yourself each day. I hate suggesting to people how to handle it, because we are all so different. Just sharing how I did it, and hoping that you find your way. Best....

[Apwulady]

I encourage you to reach out to someone you trust for support. If you don't have someone ask your health care professionals about social workers. They are usually social workers at hospitals. Please don't stay isolated. Reach out to someone. Your surgery is soon approaching and my prayers are with you. All the best

[stanner58]

Praying for a successful surgery & full recovery 🙏🏻

[3pups]

There's lots of people thinking about you, sharing prayers and when you go through surgery July 8th. My hospital has an oncology therapist who I still communicate with, check with yours and don't forget there's always the American Cancer society. Reach out reach out

[SDlady in reply to 3pups]

Thank you. I gain such strength with Prayers and I may check into an oncology therapist. xo

Yvonne

[Archeveritas]

Thinking of you!

[THENORTHERNLIGHTS]

stay strong and be as kind to yourself as possible

[Danceaway]

I wish you peace in your heart and in your head. Its scarey but try to be positive and good luck!

[Wicomico]

I am hoping that your surgery went well and that you are back at home with family!!