The new normal

First off Kim, you are not rambling. You are going thru what most people could not imagine going thru. Your fears and depression are normal. Be gentle with yourself. You are doing everything to keep yourself together and find the right treatment to live a long, quality life. As you are a person of faith, lean into it and let it sustain you. I’m also on antidepressants and go to therapy. Have you considered talking to a therapist? I find it gives me the outlet I need to talk about myself without keeping it in or exhausting my loved ones. You can read my earlier posts about how I almost cracked. I don’t have a traditional faith, but meditation and Buddhism have helped me put this disease into context and deal with my anxiety. Call SHARE if you are having a hard time. They try to match you with a woman with similar clinical issues to talk to on the phone. Unfortunately between tv adds for Ibrance and other Cancer related news, it is difficult to escape the c word. It gets easier but never easy. This is a good time to take care of your body and treat yourself. I was never into massages, manicures and facials, but I am now. Gentle yoga, and there are even yoga for cancer trained instructors out there. Meditation is a great practice. There are many books and recordings out there. One of my favorites is Tara Brach. I’m always recommending Kris Carr’s website. she is living with Stage 4 cancer and has a really upbeat website filled with mind, body, spirit resources. She is a bit sassy and irreverent. She calls herself a cancer thriver. I used to log in to her website all the time when I was first diagnosed. I still follow her online and have some of her books. In short, find what lifts you up. Have something to look forward to besides doctor visits. For me, I plan vacations. I think travel is incredibly therapeutic for me. I leave the d@mn cancer Home. This is a very supportive place, as you will discover. Sending you a hug 🤗

Hi Kim!

Your expressions do not come across as "rambling" at all. It is perfectly normal to feel the way you do. After all, many of us led a somewhat "normal" life before we were diagnosed, going along with activities such as work, family life and so on without thinking about chronic illness until we were confronted with it and then our lives changed.

I know what you mean about struggling to find a new normal. I was always a very healthy, active person, and was not expecting to develop metastatic breast cancer in my 30s. It has been some months now since my diagnosis, so I have become used to it and have found my own "normal". But with my change in circumstances, I also try to look at the positives. My periods stopped within 2 weeks of starting treatment, which was a relief, as I used to suffer from very painful periods. I am able to have blood tests done at my local clinic, which is within walking distance, I get my monthly hormone injections at my local doctor's surgery, again not far, and I am able to carry on working (I am off for most of this week though, enjoying a well earned rest!) and leading a somewhat normal life. My husband and I do not talk about the disease all the time. For the most part, we carry on as normal. We still go out to eat, take trips, plan holidays, talk about the future in a positive way and we both maintain a positive attitude.

Maintaining a positive attitude is very important in my book. In the early days I was feeling very down, I lost my appetite and also my zest for life. That was when I felt at my worst physically, mentally and emotionally. But I realised I could not carry on like that, so I picked myself back up and have tried to carry on since then. As a result, I feel better about things and that shows when I see my oncologist, who is very pleased with how I am managing the disease and responding to treatment. Friends and family often comment on how strong I am. That does not mean I do not have the odd day here and there when I am feeling down though, because I do. But I try to make sure those days do not outweigh the positive days.

My faith also keeps me strong, as I know that what I am going through is only temporary compared to what the future has in store. If you want me to private message you, let me know and I will. But if you are not feeling up to it, I completely understand.

All the best,

Sophie x

I was also wondering how to live my life normal again. I had a break down and I gave up but I have two young children at home, i had to get myself together. I take 6 months off work when I was going thru treatments. I've went back to work and I still do my motherly duties. I pray and pray, I still cry but I make myself see positive things in life. I love life and you have to keep pushing. Good bless you and everyone else with mbc

Kim, you have expressed feelings that we all have. You are not rambling at all. It sounds like you have many tools to cope and the fact is we just have to keep working on keeping a positive attitude . whether it is our faith, therapy, antidepressants, marijuana, excercise etc. I believe it somehow is not a new normal. There is nothing normal about our situation! Love and hugs to you! You are a brave warrior!

Dear Kim,

Your words speak truth to all of us, no matter how long we have battled this disease. I guess that eventually it's like that last stage of grief, just the simple acceptance that this is now a permanent part of our lives. Whether we dwell on it or find a wide range of distractions--this has become our "new normal." I sometimes find myself in the "dwelling" mode, particularly if I wake up in the middle of the night. But "looking forward" can be as simple as reading a few chapters at a time of a great book.

I do believe that this MBC website with posts by so many compassionate, empathetic women has made the journey much less lonely. It is like a lifeline of inspiration and education.

You are in my prayers, Kim. We have all been dealt a nasty hand. May your oncologist and team be skilled in their recommendation of your new treatment. And may God shine His healing light on you as you "move forward."

Love to you, sister! XXOO Linda in Seattle

Hi Kim,

The ladies are right, you are not rambling, everyone is dealing with the same emotions as we walk this journey.

I find mornings the hardest as that's a reality check as to why I'm not at work. Since you are a woman of faith, as I am, I start the day with my Bible devotions so that I can plug myself in to Whom I can trust in all things. It helps me to straighten my crown and stand tall knowing I'm the daughter of The King! Exodus 14:14 The Lord Himself fights for you. Just stay calm.

I often listen to a meditation in the mornings and before bed. Abide is a great app if you prefer Christian meditations. I also like Kris Carr as she is an inspiration. Walking, or some type of daily activity will boost those endorphins! Diffusing 100% therapeutic essential oils is also beneficial. Research shows just inhaling them has a positive affect on your brain health. My doctor prescribed medical CBD oil which I take faithfully 3 times daily. It helps with feelings of depression, anxiety and elevates some of the side effects from the meds like stiffness. I also try to focus on feeling very blessed that this cancer is treatable. I stay away from googling MBC, but read survivor stories to give me hope. I surround myself with positive and supportive family and friends. Other then not being at my teaching job, my life is pretty normal. This new season has given me the opportunity to slow down and focus on doing the things I didn't have time to do before like taking courses and serving more at my church. Like everyone else, I have my good days and not so good days, emotionally. I've noticed that my worst days are just before seeing my doctor to get my scan results. Being on this site is a great place to stay connected to others who are experiencing the same challenges as you are. There is a lot of knowledge, good advice and support here.

Blessings

Dawn

Thanks. I just downloaded it.

Thanks for reaching out to this community. It's very supportive and I see you have gotten lots of good responses and recommendations. Not much to add, except that keep on moving forward and do what you must to keep your head above water. I'm not a fan of the "new normal" because our situations change so much from treatment to treatment and recurrence to remission. It's a roller coaster ride for sure. I've found many things that help me, from alternative treatments, complimentary ones, positive thinking, supporitive family and friends, and just moving forward with life as it is in this moment. I don't ignore the "C" word, but know it's one chapter, not my entire book. Hope this helps in some way. Many good thoughts are headed your way. Lynn

I think about it all the time - the disease, time, family, scenarios....it’s exhausting. I guess with each “bad news”—it feels harder to get up this time.

Gotta surround ourselves with good examples, positive stories.

Because being negative can become a habit...healthy habits - positive thinking can be too.

🤗

I agree. Of course I want the treatments to take it all away but realistically if it can just remain stable I would be very happy. I think being clear for 11 years gave me a false sense of security. I have read though that women on this site were clear for longer than that. Am grateful for those 11 years but looking back now I wonder where they went!! Time flies. Trying to stay positive, do more things and stay in the now!!

I was first diagnosed in 2002 and had a bilateral mastectomy. Then they found it in one spot on my right hip in 2006. I started on Faslodex monthly which worked for the 11 years. They found it in my liver last August. Not sure if you have seen other posts from me but when they found it in my liver I was put on Ibrance and Letrozole however it didn't work. Then went on a clinical trial through UCLA (that is who my onc is associated with) and it kicked my butt and i couldn't stay on it. It was 3 FDA approved drugs just not used at the same time. It was Aromosin, Affinitor and Kisqali (kind of like Ibrance). They cleared up the tumors alright but I just couldn't handle the side effects. They left me on the Aromosin but after my last scan found the tumors were all back so I am now on Xeloda. Just getting ready on Friday to start my second cycle. Hoping this will work. Won't have scans for a few months.

Sister/Warrior/Over-comer : The Lord will not leave or forsake you. I pray you will have 11 plus more years to live, love, and laugh with your loved ones Amen ! I like to read Psalms when I need encouragement. I also like to read the stories in the bible where people faced, and overcame challenges. I also like to listen to a variety of upbeat gospel songs. XoXoXo.