Hi ladies, Your stories inspire me so much that I needed some advice and since we are all in the same boat I am hoping you can help. To make a long story short, I started on Ibrance and Letrozole which didn't work. Went on a trial that while it cleared the lesions on my liver i couldn't continue because of the side effects. So for a few months i was just on Aromisin. Well all the tumors are back and i just finished my first round of Xeloda. This is my third go round.
What I am struggling with is finding a new normal. I have always been a positive person and pretty up beat but just having a hard time navigating it this time. How do we go on with our lives and not have the C word in the fore front of all the time. I try and take one day at a time but wanted some input from you all. I do have a relationship with the Lord and pray for guidance and help in just doing what i can and trying to enjoy the moments. I need to add that during the trial they had to switch an anti-depressant I was on for 13 years and that sort of helped turn things topsy turvy. I was able to go back on it but still struggling to find the right combo. I think I may be on the right track. now. Anyway, thanks for letting me ramble and i pray for all of you!!
Not sure if you have seen other posts from me but when they found it in my liver I was put on Ibrance and Letrozole however it didn't work. Then went on a clinical trial through UCLA (that is who my onc is associated with) and it kicked my butt and i couldn't stay on it. It was 3 FDA approved drugs just not used at the same time. It was Aromosin, Affinitor and Kisqali (kind of like Ibrance). They cleared up the tumors alright but I just couldn't handle the side effects. They left me on the Aromosin but after my last scan found the tumors were all back so I am now on Xeloda. Just getting ready on Friday to start my second cycle. Hoping this will work. Won't have scans for a few months. 
First off Kim, you are not rambling. You are going thru what most people could not imagine going thru. Your fears and depression are normal. Be gentle with yourself. You are doing everything to keep yourself together and find the right treatment to live a long, quality life. As you are a person of faith, lean into it and let it sustain you. I’m also on antidepressants and go to therapy. Have you considered talking to a therapist? I find it gives me the outlet I need to talk about myself without keeping it in or exhausting my loved ones. You can read my earlier posts about how I almost cracked. I don’t have a traditional faith, but meditation and Buddhism have helped me put this disease into context and deal with my anxiety. Call SHARE if you are having a hard time. They try to match you with a woman with similar clinical issues to talk to on the phone. Unfortunately between tv adds for Ibrance and other Cancer related news, it is difficult to escape the c word. It gets easier but never easy. This is a good time to take care of your body and treat yourself. I was never into massages, manicures and facials, but I am now. Gentle yoga, and there are even yoga for cancer trained instructors out there. Meditation is a great practice. There are many books and recordings out there. One of my favorites is Tara Brach. I’m always recommending Kris Carr’s website. she is living with Stage 4 cancer and has a really upbeat website filled with mind, body, spirit resources. She is a bit sassy and irreverent. She calls herself a cancer thriver. I used to log in to her website all the time when I was first diagnosed. I still follow her online and have some of her books. In short, find what lifts you up. Have something to look forward to besides doctor visits. For me, I plan vacations. I think travel is incredibly therapeutic for me. I leave the d@mn cancer Home. This is a very supportive place, as you will discover. Sending you a hug 🤗
Thank you so much for responding. It really helped. I checked out both Tara and Kris and even downloaded to my kindle a sample of one of Kris's books. I do go to a therapist and he does help. He worked as a psychologist at the City of Hope for seven years and only deals with cancer patients so I find him very understanding and he lets me go off unfiltered when I need to. I am on partial disability and going back to work full time in two weeks and actually looking forward to it. I think it will be therapeutic and I miss the social aspect of it. Thanks again!! Have a good week.
I just wanted to tell you I am hooked on Kris Carr. She is so inspirational and yes I love her sassiness. Listened to a few things on you tube and ordered a couple books. Thanks so much for mentioning her. Really thinking about changing my way of eating. Not only for my self but for my husband as well. He has inherently high cholesterol and the statin drugs irritate his pancreas and has pancreatitis twice. I think we both could benefit.
She’s got great energy and “she’s one of us.” You will feel better especially if you start drinking green juice! Good luck!
I’m gonna at least start that!! Thanks again.