Hi fellow Brethren,This is my first post on this part of the site, but you'll find postings from me regarding ADHD, OCD and anxiety and depression, which are all things I have to deal with in my battleground of a mind - oh, and apparently I show Autistic traits too, so I might be Autistic to boot!
This is quite a delicate issue for me, but I'm looking for advice.
I'm a man in my early 40s and I've had 7 sexual relationships. To break down those relationships, 4 were/are long term and 3 were unsuccessful and very short term. My second long term relationship was the best sex ever, she and I just seemed to click and although she and I had very differing personalities and there was alot of falling out over the time we had together, intimately we really worked.
I've never been the most confident guy, but she really made me feel amazing.
The girlfriend after her was another long term one, but she had severe Asperger's syndrome, which meant she couldn't 'get wet' or orgasm, so sex with her was uncomfortable and she would make funny faces during it, like she was in pain. It was really off-putting. My confidence plummeted. It didn't help that I was on antidepressants, which I reacted badly to and through them I developed type 2 diabetes, even though my Doctor insisted that wasn't possible. No history of it in the family prior to that.
By the end of 2017 I met my current partner. Within 10 months she bought her own house and expected me to move in with her, which I felt was maybe a bit too soon.
When we initially got together the sex was ok, she was not much younger than me, but very sexually inexperienced, as she had focused on academic studies and a career instead and before me she hadn't been with anyone for 10 years prior.
As soon as she got the house I found she just let herself go. She doesn't have great manners or decorum and she thinks I'm prissy. Basically she leaves the toilet door open when she uses it and she will describe things like her bowel movements to me. Trust me, that's not my cup of tea.
We've been together 6.5 years and we haven't had proper sex for nearly 4 years, which she keeps reminding me of. I'll do things to pleasure her, but the want and feelings just aren't there for me. I have next to no desire for her and she's affected my confidence. We don't get along, she constantly moans at me and I've found the high sex drive I used to have had gone. She is multi-orgasmic too. I even struggle to do anything myself. She puts me down and we just don't click. As you can imagine the frustration levels at home are high.
Her Mum died the other year, so she's been put on a really high dosage of antidepressants, which was then doubled and I think that had really affected her moods and the way she is towards me. Now I live a life where I'm currently unemployed and dealing with major mental health issues. She hardly speaks to me and tends to live here life in a separate room from me in the house. When she comes home from work she doesn't have dinner and just goes straight to bed.
I just don't know what to do, as she wants to start a family, but I don't want to bring a kid in to a loveless relationship. I also struggle to 'get it up' anymore, especially concerning her, but even just on my own I struggle now.
My Doctor advised me that I might have low testosterone levels, so he got that checked and he said the diabetes might be the cause of that. I think my poor sleep pattern isn't helping. I keep contemplating looking in to trying Viagra or something like that, but there's so much animosity between myself and my other half and she puts all the blame squarely on me.
With all my mental health issues, I feel I've been left behind compared to my peer group. Everyone I know are now married, have their own place, have kids and have an adult life. I just feel stuck in a mire and I don't know what to do.
Any advice, guys?
