Father-daughter Relationships

Hey all,

I would like to know what is your perspective on the influence of culture in the relationships between fathers and their daughters. I know for sure that for the most part fathers are to take their sons under their wings and teach them to be a man and such concepts. However I would like to know how your culture or background has shaped your relationship with your daughter? What do you think about the relationship you have with your daughter? Or just your opinion in general on the topic if you do not have daughters of your own.

All points of view would be greatly appreciated.

7 Replies

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  • She was a little star. Planned, arrived on time, no problems. Always very indulgent towards her and yet we were too sensitive towards each other, seldom if ever criticising each other or arguing. I wish it could have been a bit more robust.

    When she started seeing boys I just let it happen. On my way to work one morning I saw her waiting hanging around obviously waiting for her boy Andrew. I knew she had a boy. The complication was that he was a pupil in the school I taught in. he was a decent kid. She made friends with an American guide while on holiday in the Middle E.ast. He came to London and landed a job in the travel industry. they settled down together had a baby and got engaged. Six months later they went on a holiday to Tuscany and came back married. She didn't want the fuss of a wedding and all that. She had problems, miscarriages and other complications. Now she is expecting a little boy but she's been so ill throughout the pregnancy with morning sickness and the awful bug that going around here.

    Like me she's quite sensitive and in my opinion makes too many excuses for people. That was always my way too but now I'm not sure. I'd like both of us to be a bit more robust in our dealings with people.

  • Thank you for sharing! For what you write it seems that you and your daughter don't have the best communication but enough for you to know her as a person. Please, correct me if I'm wrong and forgive me if I say an insensitive comment. I would like to know if the culture in which you grew up in London (Is this where you're from?) shaped the way you approached a relationship with your daughter? Did you have the boy talk with her, or a female figure took care of this? What is the dynamic between you two? Do you still argue and fight?

  • Culture has partial influence on the father-daughter relationship. I say partial influence because I know that friends, partners, and relatives can influence the relationship.

    With culture, there are celebrities, fashion shows/designers, favorite musicians, and others, which I know most kids aspire to be like. With that in mind, for instance, if a male parent is not present/involved/engaged in his daughter's live, she will likely be searching for happiness/satisfaction somewhere else to fill the emptiness she feels in her heart.

    Friends, partners, and daughters can also have influence that relationship if they show favoritism. For instance, by showing favoritism, relatives, friends, and partners may expose the daughter to conversations that could potentially influence her perceptions toward her father.

  • mkmk,

    Thank you for your reply. I appreciate your point of view, and that is in part what I mean by culture; because culture entails many aspects of one's daily lives, music, family, family interactions and dynamics, beliefs and such. So in essence my question is how does the beliefs on interactions between fathers and daughters within a certain culture affect their relationship. For example, it is a common believe, I feel, in most Hispanic cultures that dad's do not have that much interactions with their daughters in terms of deep talks and advice outside of finances and maybe boyfriends and other relationships. It is a belief of this culture that mom's take care and teach girls and dad's teach boys how to be men. [This would be given that the type of family is nuclear] However, I know that the roles of men and women can vary across the culture spectrum and that's what I am trying to get at here.

  • Culture has partial influence on the father-daughter relationship. I say partial influence because I know that friends, partners, and relatives can influence the relationship.

    With culture, there are celebrities, fashion shows/designers, favorite musicians, and others, which I know most kids aspire to be like. With that in mind, for instance, if a male parent is not present/involved/engaged in his daughter's live, she will likely be searching for happiness/satisfaction somewhere else to fill the emptiness she feels in her heart.

    Friends, partners, and daughters can also have influence that relationship if they show favoritism. For instance, by showing favoritism, relatives, friends, and partners may be the daughter to conversations that could potentially influence her perceptions toward her fathers.

  • In brief, culture does influence father-daughter relationship. I agree with you when you replied that, in most Hispanic cultures, you ve noticed that parenting role tend to be gender-based, which seems to be the case in most cultures around the world.

    I am going to say that there are various angles you can address the influence of culture on a father-daughter relationship.

    More precisely in my native country, in my opinion, I ve noticed that our culture is still very patriarchal, and therefore most fathers are more likely to exert a lot of pressure on their boys to be successful men (mature, responsible, honorable, intelligent, ect...).

    However, although girls are socialized to succeed academically, they feel more pressure when it comes to going out with friends, dating, and being involved in activities that the father or mother may be opposed to, and that is one example of a cultural influence on father-daughter relationship.

    In other words, in my culture, most fathers tends to be controlling when it comes to their daughters because their boys are able to take care of themselves, while other fathers fathers are less controlling. Now, what about fathers who only gave birth to girls? Don't you think they are likely to exert more control and not allow their daughters' lives?

    I don't know if I answered your question, but to sum up what I said,

    I believe that culture influences the father-daughter relationship in a lot of ways and there is not a one-size-fit-all answer to why that is the case. I my opinion, in most cultures, including my own, the mindset is very much patriarchal and that may is an admirable aspect in those cultures because fathers will tend to push their boys to become responsible men and exert less influence on their daughters. However, if a father only has female children, he is more likely to breath down heavily on her daughters necks, which is a way of placing limit on her daughter's liberty. With that in mind, depending on the culture and other circumstances (single father or not, female-only children or not, ect), I am certain that the father-daughter relationship can be controlling or easygoing.

  • I have one daughter who is 25 years old. I have had a real influence on her life. I encouraged her to go to college. She has a BA in Music. I am very proud of her. She is happily married.

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