STOP

The following blog was not originally for posting it was my way of trying to rectify what was an extremely bad day/part week. But having read it again, I have decided that life is sometimes sh***y and this is part of parcel of the journey I am on in my efforts to stop smoking. So here it is, in all its self-pity but this was yesterday and today is different. So come on people, have a laugh at my expense.

So far this week I have managed to alienate three friends probably for good and have managed to get myself in such a tiswas I’ve really no idea what to do next.

Sunday went well apart from the fact that my other half looks like Rodney after being on the sunbed. Well how I was supposed to know that he hadn’t got his hat with him. It wasn’t my fault that the sun decided to shine ever so brightly in the afternoon.

Monday was the usual – first day back at work after a weekend that just seems to be gone in the blink of an eye. So quiet at work I’m beginning to wonder how much longer my job will be there and at my age to be out of work looking for another job is not something that I relish having to do.

Tuesday a phone call from the hospital meant that instead of having to wait weeks I could go Wednesday morning which in one sense was a good thing but in another it just brought home how worried I was. It did brighten up considerably when I wrote the blog mind over matter because I felt that I was making progress to my goal of quitting.

Wednesday I must admit there was a good point to the early part of today in that I got the all-clear from the hospital appointment. However, at the time of typing it’s not over yet and there’s nothing much else I can possibly do to make it any worse but with my luck there is probably loads and loads I can do which will make it even worser!! Posted the blog and then read the replies and took them the wrong way probably because what they said made sense and everything that I had planned just went out the window. Posted a reply and upset two people and then to top it all sent a pm to someone and upset them as well.

Thursday, well I haven’t got there yet but I am dreading it already. Things can’t get any worse but I know they can because I am that sort of person that when it rains, it pours down and I’m stuck out in it with no coat and no umbrella.

All I’ve wanted to do since I joined this site is stop smoking and I can’t even get that right. I have had more attempts than a spider making a web in a gale force wind! Everything I try to do can and does go wrong and badly wrong at that. Find and make friends and then alienate them by saying or doing something so crass it is beyond belief. Stop smoking and then start again.

Can anyone tell me/explain to me what is wrong with me? Because I have literally given up on myself but even that takes more energy than I have at the moment.

My dad used to say STOP the world I want to get off and at this very moment in time I understand completely what he meant.

How does one pick themselves up from this low and carry on because I don’t know where to start to rectify everything that is so wrong with me and my life.

[Zetters 1 YEAR WINNER]

Apologise to those you think you alienated - true friends won't run for cover at the first spat, but will understand, call you a daft mare and carry on regardless.

Can't offer anything on the hospital except to say that you got the all-clear! (YAY) enjoy that, look after yourself and don't do anything silly

As for stopping smoking, only YOU can do that. But i would start bt stopping beating yourself up every five minutes and stop setting yourself impossible targets. Take one day at a time, relax, take the pressure off yourself and you might just get there x