I’ve noticed that I experience a massive, overwhelming amount of fear and anxiety with some people in some situations (such as in my relationships with bosses, and landlords, and in some casual social relationships maybe if I haven’t seen the person in a while, or before a party, or before speaking to a large group if it’s pre-planned) but not a lot of fear in other social situations (such as close family and people I see regularly and with my partner at home, I’m quite social and I even enjoy meeting and striking up conversations with strangers, I even facilitated a whole support group with my friend and I wasn’t super anxious, just a little bit and I loved it - I also love participating in groups and meeting new people in them). I’m so confused - I thought I had something called social anxiety disorder for the longest time, sometimes it feels so random what gives me anxiety and what doesn’t. For the situations in which I do have it I feel like it rules my life, petrifies me, sometimes causes me to avoid situations again and again and lose sleep. Recently I went to get coffee with a nice person who I saw as a role model who wanted to mentor me, I didn’t expect to be anxious, but I went completely numb, my teeth were chattering, and I was physically shaking for hours afterward.
Does anyone else relate to this or the frustrating randomness of trying to get a hold on what will make you anxious? I can’t seem to understand it.
