Does anyone else get randomly anxious in some social situations?

[SchoolStories]

I’ve noticed that I experience a massive, overwhelming amount of fear and anxiety with some people in some situations (such as in my relationships with bosses, and landlords, and in some casual social relationships maybe if I haven’t seen the person in a while, or before a party, or before speaking to a large group if it’s pre-planned) but not a lot of fear in other social situations (such as close family and people I see regularly and with my partner at home, I’m quite social and I even enjoy meeting and striking up conversations with strangers, I even facilitated a whole support group with my friend and I wasn’t super anxious, just a little bit and I loved it - I also love participating in groups and meeting new people in them). I’m so confused - I thought I had something called social anxiety disorder for the longest time, sometimes it feels so random what gives me anxiety and what doesn’t. For the situations in which I do have it I feel like it rules my life, petrifies me, sometimes causes me to avoid situations again and again and lose sleep. Recently I went to get coffee with a nice person who I saw as a role model who wanted to mentor me, I didn’t expect to be anxious, but I went completely numb, my teeth were chattering, and I was physically shaking for hours afterward.

Does anyone else relate to this or the frustrating randomness of trying to get a hold on what will make you anxious? I can’t seem to understand it.

[Hidden]

I can relate to this a lot. I've been misdiagnosed with a few things over the years, and until fairly recently, no one in my personal life could even relate to my anxiety. I was always accused of being a "flake" because I would go out to parties, lead meetings at work, go out to meals, but then randomly the next night I would be in a complete panic about going anywhere. I could spend all day driving, going to crowded places, having a great time, and then end up a ball of anxiety just being invited to a date with a close friend. Not just nerves either, full on fear of some unknown catastrophic event that I didn't understand and didn't exist. I eventually started to avoid things because I didn't want the possibility of that type of anxiety attack, and I also just didn't want to let people down. I didn't like how it felt when everyone thought I was flaking all the time, but I was too embarrassed to tell anyone what was going on in my head.

The "frustrating randomness" as you put it...that's the perfect description. I wish I had some insight to provide you from my experience, but I don't quite have a handle on it or any consistent triggers.

[SchoolStories in reply to Hidden]

Thank you so much for sharing this. I’m so sorry that you experience this as well. It makes me feel much less alone.

[SchoolStories in reply to SchoolStories]

You really put words to it.

[Hidden in reply to SchoolStories]

I am so glad I made you feel less alone. I find this aspect of all my mental health struggles the most isolating, because of how difficult it can be to predict or understand myself. I can find countless anecdotal accounts of a lot of my symptoms, sometimes so accurately I would believe I wrote it myself. This one though is a very isolating issue... both because of how it effects me mechanically and emotionally, but because it can seem like no one else can truly understand it.

[SchoolStories in reply to Hidden]

Yes me too - in fact it’s hard even identify or describe as a symptom per se, maybe it’s multiple intersecting or conflicting or overlapping symptoms. Goodness would I love some kind of framework or model that explained it. Another sort of related example from now that might be the same phenomenon or something different: My partner is away and to my surprise, I’ve been perfectly comfortable and content to be living by myself in my apartment for the past week, whereas at other times, including very recently, if I go just a few hours by myself I feel plunged into the depths of loneliness and despair. While my current emotional baseline is pleasantly surprising, I don’t know how long it will last or what to do next time to make this more likely.

[Meds-and-some-hope]

I can relate to this heavily. It's a really gross feeling for me. It almost like a paranoia for me, it's like in some social settings I just feel like the area and the people are off, with the paranoia it's also like the people are out for me. I think it stems for my Grandfather's abuse, he was violent and almost wanted me to be like him. But I'm slowly learning to trust the things around me. Social setting anxiety comes and goes as it's described but, I think I'm still in a massive recovery.

[Sidewaystrippin]

I can relate to this as well. Sometimes I just have to try to breathe through it. If I am really feeling off, I have found it can sometimes be helpful if I am one on one with someone to be direct and say I am feeling "off today." There is usually a way I feel like I can communicate feeling nervous without letting my whole wall down. If you feel comfortable trying this, it can help sometimes. I also think it can sometimes help to "walk and talk" rather than sitting at a table staring at one other person. Or, I try to suggest "working meetings" where we start with a plan to actively work on something together. That way if I am feeling like they can see right through me and know I'm nervous (which it also helps to remind myself that they can't, even when I feel sure they can), I can distract myself and them from my apparent awkwardness.