Hello, I'm new here and I've decided to come here due to a recent event which has become difficult for me. I recently experienced a stressful situation that caused me a great deal of anxiety. In that situation, I experienced the same feelings of anxiety that I had dealt with during my past. I even had vivid flashbacks of the stressful event from my past. For a while, the anxiety seemed to be under control until two weeks ago when the stressful situation occurred. Since then, I've been struggling with focusing on things and the things that I once enjoyed are no longer enjoyable. I feel like my energy and my ambition have been zapped out of me. I've always been a rather sensitive person, but now it seems that the sensitivity has intensified. I still feel anxious off and on, even when nothing is happening.You may wonder what might have happened in the past that would cause such distress. I don't even know where to begin. It goes back at least to when I was four years old. I had a terrifying nightmare about a huge spider. I was scared and I screamed and cried because it felt so real. Unfortunately I ended up getting into trouble because I kept screaming and crying, but the thing is, I didn't just simply get into trouble, no it goes beyond that; possibly even unimaginable to most. Needless to say, I also struggle with arachnophobia.
During a great deal of my childhood, I was pressured with the task of getting certain tasks done within a certain amount of time before school. If it didn't get done, I was in trouble and the punishments would sometimes last for hours or even days. It often made me anxious as time would draw near, especially if there was even the slightest chance that it wouldn't get completed. It was a vicious cycle of being punished for a punishment and many of the punishments were unimaginable.
One time, when I was fourteen, I tried to stick up for myself because I was being accused of something I didn't do. They took it as me "mouthing off" and I ended up paying for it. It was terrifying and it still haunts me, even to this day.
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MH1982
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I identify with a lot of what you posted. I experienced a traumatic event a couple of months ago and have been dealing with it and seeking and finding some therapy online. One of the things that I brought up with my therapist was that I am an adult with undiagnosed ADHD, because that diagnosis was not available when I was a child. Instead, I was emotionally abused by teachers who called me spacy and lazy, and I turned to beating up on myself with negative self talk. I am struggling now with anxiety and depression brought on by the recent experience plus my lifelong tendencies. It just helps to get empathy and support from other people.
This October has been a difficult month for me. It's been one thing after another for me and with each thing that I've been dealing with I end up feeling like I'm reliving my past traumas. I've even been experiencing flashbacks, as if dealing with the current issues weren't bad enough. I am sorry that teachers put you through that. I had one that pretty much told me that she didn't like me and would get up in my face. I think she knew that I didn't like and it made me uncomfortable. I also struggle with negative self talk and I often find myself feeling like I'll never measure up or I'm not good enough. I've been dealing with depression and anxiety for several weeks now. A few days ago, I was starting to feel better but something else went wrong and it set me back even further. I hate that this has happened. Several years ago, I struggled with depression and anxiety and it nearly ruined my life. I didn't feel like doing anything. Then, for a while, I was feeling better and it seemed to be under control, or at least until this month when everything seemed to start spiraling out of control. It definitely resulted in flashbacks and panic attacks and it brought back some unpleasant memories. I do agree that it does help to get support from others. Sometimes it's helpful to be able to communicate with those who have dealt with similar situations because they understand what we're going through.
I know what you mean about starting to feel better and then something else happening and spiraling again. Hang in there, and I will too. Thanks for the message.
You took an important step coming onto Health Unlocked with your challenges. I, too, have experienced a great deal of what you are describing here. I am finally gaining some relief with what I have suffered through by working with a therapist skilled in handling patients with Complex PTSD. I started my search for such a therapist on this website:
The website gives much encouragement in how to locate a therapist in the US either near you for in-person sessions or online. I do my sessions online. Most of these therapists take insurance and you just have a small copay with them. The CPTSD Foundation website contains databases which help you look for the right person.
You could also go to your family doctor for medications for depression and anxiety. I have found both types of meds to be very beneficial in calming my system down. If you don't have a family doctor, go to a medical urgent care facility, describe your problems, and they will give you a referral to a family doctor.
A good book to also begin reading is Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving by Pete Walker who describes his own personal journey through CPTSD. He also explains what is happening to your brain and body if you have CPTSD. You can get this book more cheaply online than in stores.
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