Panic over cataract surgery

[Cinderella80]

Hi friends I'm writing this as mum is on the toilet. She has cataract surgery due at 12.30 today but it is now 10.15 and mum needs a number 2. I'm worried we will not make it to hospital as she takes over an hour sometimes two to finish and then I have to wash and shower her. It takes an hour to get to the hospital I'm afraid we might miss it. I will maybe have to telephone the hospital and say she is unwell. They won't take kindly to that! Mum has PSP and I think she is anxious. I don't know if we should go ahead with the surgery or not. I'm stuck. Nothing really goes to plan with mum. You can't really plan anything. Everyday is a challenge and the worst thing is no one really understands not even the health professionals.

[OllieFisher1]

What are the consequences if she doesnt have the surgery. PSP is in itself a degenerative disease. What added value to her life will there be given all things. that might help you to answer your questions.

[Martina_MP]

For future reference, have Dulcolax suppositories on hand. You can use one to speed up the process, or in cases with no BM for 4 days for example (assuming all is otherwise well with the gut). Results usually within 30 minutes. Not for routine use.

Usually one can do a through cleanup after toileting without needing to bathe someone after every BM. They make very large adult non flushable wipes that are very handy even for very messy occasions. And as people get progressively immobilized, showering is a physical risk that may not need to be taken daily. Caregiving is tough and it’s a long haul. Don’t make your life any harder than it needs to be!

[Cinderella80 in reply to Martina_MP]

Thank you for taking the time out to respond. Mum didn't even do anything on the toilet in the end. Had to cancel the surgery appointment by saying she was not well. I think she gets nervous everytime we have to go out or meet people. Thank you for the valuable information.

[Redjune1]

This is exactly like my husband. If we have an appointment or have to go somewhere he will suddenly need the toilet at the last minute and can be in there for over an hour easily. I don’t know if he’s worried about going out and this is a delaying thing or whether it’s just coincidence, but then I get worried because we’re going to be late and this causes arguments.

[Cinderella80 in reply to Redjune1]

Hi thanks for taking the time out to respond. I think mum gets anxious every time we go out. In the end had to cancel the appointment by saying she was not well. I think they have been independent for so long must be extremely hard facing people and new environments. She didn't even do anything on the toilet!

[Redjune1 in reply to Cinderella80]

Yes I agree it must be hard for them. Phil doesn’t like other people seeing him like this and he once asked me if I was embarrassed going out with him! The toilet thing is a bit of a nightmare, we only have one bathroom and he can quite often be in there for well over an hour.

[Cinderella80 in reply to Redjune1]

I understand we only have one bathroom too. You can't really plan anything anymore . I have a routine for mum which i think benefits her too as she knows what's coming. But some days that routine might have to change that's when everything goes haywire. Like when someone comes round unexpectedly. I also think they may get worried in case they need the toilet when going out in a different environment which can stress them out. Home is where they are most at ease I think.

[Redjune1 in reply to Cinderella80]

Yes I completely agree with you

[bichonbear1]

Hiya, I may be too late coming back to you. As someone has said above, I would weigh up the benefit of the procedure versus increasing the anxiety and stress for your mum. My mum was due a mammogram but balancing everything, the distress it would have caused to attend the appointment would be too much. The same with dental appointments etc. We just focus on keeping mum as comfortable as possible with the direct association of the disease. Of course it would depend on the stage your mum is at. Hope this helps?

[Cinderella80 in reply to bichonbear1]

Thankyou for taking the time out to respond. It's tricky I want my mum to see clearly because she used to enjoy some programmes on TV. But on the other hand she gets anxious going out. I did ask her if we should cancel the whole cataract surgery but she said no. She says she wants it. But not on that particular day. She can't really speak alot now her food is pureed, she can't walk. She is at a later stage now. I want her to get the best in her life but you are right I also want her to be comfortable and not have to worry and stress over things. She is happiest at home. Thank you again for responding.

[bichonbear1]

No problem, everyone’s situation is slightly different, it’s hard. My mum has lost cognitive function but if yours can still make decisions that can help a little. Your heart and gut can count for a lot. Take care.

[Cinderella80 in reply to bichonbear1]

Thank you for caring it means alot. That's the thing sometimes she says one thing then other times she says something different. I will probably have to make the decision without telling her. Maybe to cancel. I think there will be alot of decisions to make in the future. Another one is to make a decision to get her a hospital bed. At the moment she sleeps in a double divan and I have to sleep with her and it's upstairs. I will have to decide very soon to get a hospital bed downstairs I will have the sofa. As it's getting harder and harder to move her. I wanted her to have as normal as a life as possible once the hospital bed comes in it will be all to real for her I didn't want to make her feel awful mentally. But hand on a heavy heart I will have to. Thank you again. 🌷