Today I have felt really sad, I went to a memorial service for Steve and all the other people that had passed away in the QE hospital over the last year. I thought I was doing ok but as soon as I stepped into that service I couldn’t stop crying. I sat next to a lovely lady who had also lost her husband and she was so kind to me. It was a lovely service and when Steve’s name was read out I was given a candle to place by the alter. I also spoke with the hospital chaplain who married us and also did Steve’s funeral service. But I was so shocked with how upset I got but maybe that just needed to happen, this grief is a strange process that sneaks up on us when we least expect it. I am glad I went though and I do feel better for it, I just hope I can compose myself a little better next Sunday when there is going to be a memorial 10K run in Cannon Hill Park for Steve, one of our running friends has organised it and I am starting the race, running in it and then presenting the prizes. I think maybe it’s just been a tough week as it would also have been our first wedding anniversary on 22nd October. But onwards and upwards and all that it’s made me realise yet again that life is short and is for living so that’s what I will try and do. So I say to all of you at whatever stage you are at - ‘keep having adventures and making memories, don’t put stuff off do what you want to do now and make every day count.’
Lots of love to you all,
Love Sarahxxx
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Hiking13
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It has been 2 years and almost 6 months since my son died. Yet, the tears arrive almost unexpectedly. Each Sunday at church I sit in the same pew and place where my son use to sit. I find that as much as sitting there gives me solace, it's also where I feel the depth of my feelings...such a sadness in my soul.
I think God gave us tears to ease the pain from within.
I agree. A wonderful way to put it. He gave us tears to ease the pain from within.
I can't imagine what you are going through. Keep going, keep praying, and let the tears come as they will. I am thankful that you are still with us on the post.
What a very touching post. I wish that I could come and cheer you on at the 10K run. I will do what I can to experience new adventures while I still can. I need energy to exercise so that I can have energy for excursions. Lol.
Thank you for the lovely post. Please let us know how the run goes.
I can so identify with what you say, I went with Mum to a "Light a Life" service the year after my Dad died, I did OK until the choir sang "Chasing cars", it wasn't a song my Dad would have ever heard but it set me off and once started I couldn't stop.
Do be kind to yourself, there is no right & wrong with grief, it is what it is and it will hit us in different ways at different times. Good luck with the race this weekend - hopefully the weather will be nicer than the deluge of this last one.
Think it speaks volumes for the man that a friend has gone to all the effort of organising a race in his memory - yet another thing to be proud of him for. xxx
"Grief is the tribute we pay for love" is an idea that helps me. It puts the grief in the context of huge gratefulness for the love that went before and is still there.
It is still such early days and you have achieved so much - don’t be hard on yourself. There is a fab book/TED talk called Hot young widows club which has helped give me a sense of perspective. ( the title not a great representation of the book )
Cannon Hill Park is a great place for Steve’s memorial run, my mother lives near there so I can picture it and will be thinking of you on Sunday
Love Tippy xxxx
Unfortunately at times like these we have no control of our tears. So just let them flow freely... Sending gentle hugs... Granni B
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