If dad gets another infection the hospital won’t treat him

[Cazzy26]

I have question today we met dads consult and he’s in hospital at the moment he had kidney infection. Been there for 4 weeks. We asked about getting my dad a peg tube they advise not for to get one as he in advanced stages now. And also they said if he got any more infections in the future they advise not to treat him in hospital. What do people think about this?

[Dadshelper]

Do you know what your father's end of life wishes are, was a PEG ever discussed with him? It sounds like you should talk to his doctor about about any types of hospice/palliative care your father can get.

Ron

[Cazzy26 in reply to Dadshelper]

We discussed with my father and the salt team about a peg tube when he was well enough to communicate he wanted one which was about 2 years. And now he is advanced stages the doctor today said he won’t benefit it. We talked to the palliative care team today to get him to a nursing home. I’m concerned if he does gets another infection in the future the doctors said it’s best not to treat it in hospital. But my dad would like to be treated.

[honjen43]

Hi Cazzy26! Welcome to this site.

You will find answers and support here. We all understand the stress and confusion you are under. You don't say whether your dad is suffering from PSP, but I imagine he must be, or you would not have found us. Your situation, and that of your dad, are what many of us have faced - and we know there are conflicting emotions. We do not want our loved ones to die, yet we don't like to see them continue to suffer, and have an increasingly poorer quality of life.

Treating your dad for infection with any success may not improve his life greatly - or for very long. None of us wants to face up to the fact that life for our loved one is winding down.

I would try and talk to your dad. He probably understands his situation, and he needs to communicate his opinion to you and family, and you all need to come to terms with the fact and the emotions that come with it.

Doctors understand the situation. They cannot guarantee recovery because of his weakened state and his illness.

Palliative care will manage his comfort and wellbeing. Hospice too, and both understand end of life care.

To my mind, your dad has 2 choices. If he can get good Palliative/Hospice care in a comfortable, peaceful, caring environment, that is where he should be.

He may wish this environment to be at home. There should be a discussion with doctors on whether they think this is possible with consent with Hospice team and necessary equipment provided to visit and monitor his needs. You may already have a hospital bed, etc at home.

Others here have done this and found the experience gratifying and worthwhile.

I joined here for similar reasons to you. My husband spent his final months in hospital and briefly in a nursing home. Doctors did not think he qualified for palliative or hospice care, yet he died a week after leaving hospital. He dearly wished to go home, but we had no equipment in place - so I found an ensuite room which gave him some privacy. There was no indication given of timeframes by doctors, other than to say he may have another 12 months. In my opinion, he would have much less, and I was right.

Do what you feel is right, Cazzy26! If it is not difficult to get everything in place to get him nursed at home, then do your best to make it happen! If you can get access to Hospice or palliative care in a nursing home, choose the best! And do your best to include your dad in the decisionmaking.

I hope this helps you to understand your dad's situation. It is a very tough decision for both of you to make.

Sending love and hugs and understanding

Jen xxx

[easterncedar]

There came a point for us where we, the doctors and I, decided we would not treat pneumonia, as that is not an unkind death. PEG had been discussed early, and my sweetheart could not decide either way while he was able to understand and articulate any decision, so we didn't do it, and he was able to eat well until nearly the end. We were trying to treat a UTI, though, and ultimately, losing his ability to swallow, tormented by the effort to take medication, he decided to stop accepting food or water. And that was that. I have many regrets, among them that we pushed the medicine to the point we did. Letting go is hard, but it comes to that one way or another. I feel for you. Peace, Ec

[Mtorres9235]

We were at a point like this in 2013 I am my husband’s POA and knew he wanted a peg tube. He was in the hospital on death’s door with numerous infections. Medical staff didn't Advise us one way or another but I knew what my husband wanted which made it an easier decision for us. Anyway, he came back from this with the help of nutrition and got better. He is slowly declining after his recovery and we were glad for the time. But, It is hard. And a struggle. So you must be dedicated to caretaking. For me, in many ways, full of blessings and other ways has put my life in a holding pattern. I am his wife. We had many hopes and dreams, life doesn’t always go the way you think it should. But it is ok. Whatever you decide. I will be praying for you and your family.