I have health issues from grieving. I have not taking care of myself since my hubby passed away in December.
I only eat when I feel very hungry and not much. I don't have tears coming out but grieving silently in my heart which is not good. I miss him so much, been married for 52 yrs. Half of my heart thinking it was good for him not to suffer anymore as he had pain everyday and couldn't talk and swallow , but the other half thinking why can't he live at least a few more years as I miss him badly.
All of you have been so good, I got lots of supports from reading the postings here , learned a lot from others which somewhat had prepared me for the worse.
But now reading the postings remind me so much of him. I am going to reach out to a grieving support group which was offered to me by the Hospice.
I wish you all the best, for the caregivers, the persons that are ill from this awful disease and for those that had lost their love one.
Someday when I am strong enough, will come back again.
Written by
stephanotis
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I found this site an enormous support as all here understood what I was feeling.
I also had a friend who had lost her husband a year earlier and she was a great help, ringing and calling round and inviting me to events. I think we were able to help each other as we both understood how we felt. We walked, went to cinema, went to each others house for dinner or lunch, and heaps of talking on the phone.
I hope you feel improved soon. Check in with your doctor, too, and get some blood tests done to see if you are anaemic or anything else that might cause you to feel so low. Even a short dose of antidepressant might be helpful short term!
Not eating properly will not help!
I ate what I enjoyed and felt like! A lot of it was simple and some frozen dinners. Anything rather than nothing! Nuts, fresh fruit, fish, eggs - anything that is quick and simple to prepare. Macaroni cheese was my "goto"!
Find something or someone to help! And please come back and tell us how you are, and what helped - so that others can try it when they need a boost.
Sadly what you are describing is a fairly normal reaction.
Jen's advice is good, but I would add getting out, even if it is to go into town to buy some nice smellies, helps as does seeing people. Seeing people is probably the last thing you want, but being with others does help to break the spell.
I am proud of you for reaching out to the Hospice group. We all need help with the process of grieving... l still struggle at times. May l ask that when you discover Words that help you from your new support group that you share them with us (when & if you feel up to it someday).
I am glad you realize that Now is time for the Carer to learn how to Care for the Carer.
For me one thing l try to do is eat an egg or a bowl of oatmeal for breakfast even when l am not hungry... l am not always successful but l try... & l find the trying is what is important to me. Sending gentle hugs... Granni B
"Tears are God's gift to cleanse our souls of pain and hurt. Do not hold back the tears or you will dam up strong emotions that will come out in unhealthy ways. JEveryone cries, and it is important that you give yourself permission to do so, even at inopportune times. Your tears make you real and accessible and show the world that it is okay to feel and express grief when you are sad. In this way, your tears are a true sign of strength and confidence."
Take care of yourself. We all understand you're not wanting to be here at this time. Maybe after your visits with the hospice grieving team you'll stop back in to visit.
For me it has been only week. I cannot be bothered to cook and I get exhausted very quickly and end up under my duvet most of the time. Grief is a powerful thing but I also read that those who have gone to heaven are not missing us which helps me a bit x
Hi, I lost my 55 year old son to PSP, May 4, 2017. I am sorry for the loss of your husband.
I attended two grief groups about 6 months apart. The first was thro my health plan, Kaiser Permanente (Hospice). It lasted about 8 weeks. It was secular and it was VERY helpful. I was the only one who had lost a child, all others had lost a spouse.
The second one I attended was at my church. Frankly, it was not as helpful.
Grief, like PSP, affects us in different way. There is NO right way to deal with grief. If there is a "right way", I'm sure keeping ourselves nourished, is important.
I am here to tell you that there IS hope. I am doing so much better...each month brings small increments. This site has helped me heal, and that's why I am still here.
I miss my son terribly. He was a kind, compassionate, and intelligent soul....like many of us on this site. He was also my best friend. I am leaving tomorrow to Oregon spend his birthday with my daughter and family. When my son was alive, and I was missing the loss of my Dad, my son told me. "Grandpa said that rather than thinking of how much we miss grandma, we should give thanks for the time we had with her. Focus on her time with us, not her not being here."
Those wise words have helped me and I am grateful that I had 55 years with my son.
It's all understandable. Glad you are reaching out for the support you need FOR YOU now. Life is never going to be the same. Needs loads of figuring out whilst surfing the waves of grief. Sending prayers and waves of strength to you
Hi Stephanotis, your post really tugged at my heartstrings; my husband died from PSP last October so all still very raw for me but I am doing as OK as possible at this stage and whilst still looking for the light at the end of the tunnel I know I will get there eventually.
Jen's advice was pretty much spot on, especially around maybe getting some medical advice with a view to getting some antidepressants just to give you a lift out of this minefield of emotions.
The pain of grief can be unbearable, it's a long and winding road with good days and bad days and we all cope in our own ways. It's when it affects your ability to function on a daily basis that it's time to seek medical help; our physical wellbeing has a huge impact on our mental wellbeing, the two go hand in hand.
Please do get some help and maybe one day you will feel strong enough to come back to this site and support others with your story of how you got through through the rollercoaster of grief, or maybe you will move forward and feel that readdressing painful memories through others' stories here is not for you. There's no rules, it's whatever is best for you, but whatever your decision I hope that in time you will emerge with fresh hope for the future.
Feeling very much the same so I can sympathise with you. Being with family and friends is good, yes - but when they`re gone I feel worse than ever. Like you, I`m not eating properly - I wait until I`m hungry then settle for a bowl of soup, or worse - junk food, biscuits, crisps etc ! Of course the occasional (?) G&T or glass of red wine helps for a while !!
My heart reaches out for you. It is indeed a very painful period. The pain never stops but you DO learn how to handle it. It is now almost 18 months since I lost my Dear wife Liz to PSP. It has been difficult and many times I just wanted to curl up in bed and blot the world out. Thankfully, with the help of some very dear friends, I am starting to move forward. Every day is different, some good, some not so good and some terrible, but I am getting there, wherever "there" is. Take care of yourself and don't be shy in asking for help. I have found this site a massive help in my journey, and I hope you can get to a point where you are able to return. They are all "BRILLIANT" on this site. If you cannot get to that point, I wish you the very best for the future. You are in my prayers and may God Bless you with some Peace.
Iam sure your hubby would want you to look after yourself now, he is no longer suffering. It’s hard when they go and takes time to get use to but slowly you learn how to live with the sadness and you start to remember the happy times. Give yourself time to grieve and I hope you can be happy in the near future. Xx
Prayers that you will find better days ahead. I have been married 56 years and know it will be very hard when my husband passes. I have been hiring a care giver once or twice a week and try to keep up with a few activities now so hopefully my connections will be good therapy later, Prayers.
My heart goes out to you -your pain /grief must still be so raw - 52 years is a very long time to have been together and it must feel like part of you has gone. I hope the Hospice support group will be helpful.
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My darling Husband is free of the illness now
A good time was had by all.
Then and Now
