My first birthday without dad

I haven't written a blog before but today I felt I wanted to share something with you and I hope you dont mind. Dad passed away 6 weeks ago now and since that time we have had fathers day, his own birthday and today was my birthday. When I woke up this morning it was the first time that it really hit me that pops (sorry our affectionate name for dad) wouldn't be here for my birthday. I went through the morning thinking 'I'd be going picking him now to bring him to the house' 'now's the time he'd want me to open his present' 'now's the time he'd want a bacon buttie' he loved his food!! I thought I was doing quite well.

Then I went over to my daughters as we were going to see Harry Potter (I am 49 by the way not 12 :) ) She gave me her card and pressie and then she gave me another one. Now a few weeks ago she'd asked what I wanted and I said just buy me a trolley token, I love trolley tokens as I never have a pound when I go to the supermarket. Anyway... I opened up the present and it was a box with a picture of a key ring on the front. Ok I thought not a trolley token but there is always use for a good key ring. I opened the box and instantly saw a picture of me and pops engraved on the front. That started the eyes filling. Then I turned it over and on the back, it was inscribed with the following:

Someone once said 'a father carries pictures where his money used to be' - now you can do the same! Pops wouldn't have wanted your birthday to pass without something from him, so this is your present from him, with all his love xxxx

Now I was into full wailing as this was such a lovely gesture particularly as I had only been thinking this morning he wasn't here with me. At which point my daughter very loudly said, 'you haven't got to the good part yet' and she touched the side of the keyring and little drawer pulled out and inside was............... a trolley token.

I laughed through the tears and thought good old pops, through his grandaughter he is still looking after me and making sure I can always get my shopping trolley :)

I hope you all don't mind me sharing this, but through all the bad days with the PSP and everything he had to go through, there was also some good times. I will miss him greatly but the keyring and shopping trolley as well as my memories of him will always be close by.

Thanks for reading

Lesley

10 Replies

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  • Hello Lesley

    Sorry to hear about your dad and sincere condolences to you and all your family for your loss.

    What a moving blog! I was very teary reading it and even more so when I saw what your granddaughter had given you. What a lovely and thoughful family you have. Your memories will last forever - enjoy them.

    Take care..................SuzieQ xxx

  • a beautiful blog, and thank you for sharing your grief and the humour, Seems the whole family have been lucky having you and "pops" in their lives.

  • Thanks for sharing Lesley. Very touching story and yes there are good times even with PSP.

  • Just read this with tears rolling down my face. What a lovely momento and how very thoughtful your daughter is!

    My Nanna always you to say "you get the children you deserve!" so you must be a great Mum :-) and the reason you're a great Mum is because you had a great Dad.

    My sincere condolences on your loss.

    Lots of love

    Kathy x

  • What a moving blog...I too read it with tears in my eyes...thank you for sharing. I lost my dad suddenly in February this year (not to PSP) and my birthday is coming up, so your blog really touched my heart.

  • I am very sorry for your loss Debbi, its tough losing someone you love whether its to PSP or something else. I wish you all the best for your birthday. Hang in there and look after yourself

    Lesley

  • I have just got back home from work and I'd just like to say its like another birthday finding all your lovely comments waiting for me.

    Thank you all for finding the time to read. I was a very lucky daughter and had a wonderful pops and as you have said I am a very lucky mum with my beautiful thoughtful daughter.

    My thoughts are with you all.

    Take care

    Lesley x

  • Dear Lesley,

    I am so sorry for your loss. I think it is natures way to put us intouch with our grief going through all those first anniversaries. Be kind to yourself.

  • Lesley, this is just lovely. You have a wonderful family about you. Hold them tight :)

    Fiona x

  • Hi, I feel sorry for you with all that happening in such a short time. I came scouring the internet for some peace of mind and I think I found it. Im 19, and I lost my dad last june. My birthday is on the 6th may, so I'm lost and dont know what to do but im just gonna hold it together and cope, its what my dad would of wanted. Thankyou for all this, it made me feel like I wasn't the only one in pain. Thankyou

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