I'm almost ashamed writing this because so many of you are also suffering the strain of caregiving. And some of you have suffered loss and are grieving.
Is it possible to be grieving when they are still here? It's been such a hard few weeks. Steve has had several bad falls, three broken ribs and two trips to the ER. But that's not the worst part, I think dealing with the apathy and how he is so disconnected from me is the hard part. I know he's scared and frustrated and it's easy to redirect those fears, and I've been trying to practice the RETREAT instead of REACT, but it's just so hard sometimes. He's just not the man I married, and I miss him. Yesterday, I was cleaning out old papers and came across some papers of his, back when he could work, back when he could write, and it just made me cry... life as we knew it has been stolen from us, and it's just so sad. He's so young, I'm so young, and I'd hoped for so many more years with him, it's just not fair.
Since these last few falls, he had agreed to use his wheelchair more in the house instead of the walker. So, it's progressing , it's happening, and all the praying, crying, and grieving isn't going to stop this disease from taking him from me.
Thanks for listening , I truly feel like you all are the only ones who understand these lonely times, and somehow it's comforting know you are all out there