My Father passed away on Thursday morning after a long battle with PSP.
He was in a nursing home towards the end but we couldn't have asked any more of them. They were fantastic with him.
I've mourned him for a long time while he was still here but the loss has still knocked me for six.
I'm relieved that he is no longer suffering, it feels easier to think back to the times and memories before he was ill without feeling guilt that I'm ignoring his illness.
What I'm struggling with is the guilt that I am feeling. I feel guilty for feeling relieved if that makes sense?
I know it will be a long road ahead and I'd like to say to anyone else who is facing the same reality that the one thing that helped me was to talk about his condition with close friends before he passed. I can't stress enough the support and strength I could find from just one simple message asking how he and I were doing in the lead up to his death.
His name was Malcolm John Moore and he was the best father, grandpa and friend I could have ever wished for.
Fly high Dad
Love you.
Written by
PMoore
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I am so so sorry for your loss, it's so hard . Sending the biggest hug in the universe to envelop you during this sad time. He is closer to you than any other moment you can imagine, you don't need to tell him he can hear your heart ❤️
Firstly, I would like to say how sorry I am for your loss.
Secondly, I know exactly where you are coming from. My dad passed away nearly 4 weeks ago and everything you're feeling and experiencing I have been going through too.
I'm afraid I don't have any words of wisdom, but just wanted you to know what you're not alone.
I'm so sorry for your loss, now your dad is no longer in the grip of PSP, he is free and at peace. Keep remembering those lovely times you shared with him. Lots of love Nanny857xx
I am so sorry for the hurt you are feeling, the loss os a parent can also be a little bit of ourselves lost. Unfortunately , some of us who care so deeply will always feel guilty as we wish we could of done More., but no matter how much we do, we will always wish it could of been more.
It is easy for those reading your post to feel the love you had for your dad. I’m certain he felt it too.
He’s flying high, free from PSP and full of the love you have sent his way.
I hope you find joy in remembering the good times.
A great photo of a lovely man who was greatly admired and loved. You will never forget him. Your tribute to him is so loving. As for your Dad he is free of all the suffering now. Please don't feel guilty. Would any one of us want to suffer like that? You know the answer is no.
I felt huge relief when my husband died not because I wanted to be alone but because it broke my heart to see him suffer. Like you I felt a lot of guilt but it is going as I realise that it was right for him to be free. It would have been very selfish to try to keep him here.
I feel with you and agree with every word you said. This (Mother's Day here in Canada) is the first day in over 2 months that I have been alone (my husband died on the 3rd) and I am feeling very isolated and bereft today. Yesterday was our memorial for him. 3 months short of our 50th anniversary, but I wouldn't have wanted him to stay in the pain he was in.
I'm in Whitby, east of Toronto. We were married in Vancouver. My husband was from Haney and I went out there from Ontario after University where we met.
I sympathize with where you're at now (even though I haven't experienced the "final loss" yet) You are relieved he is free of his suffering, angry that it had to end this way, and too soon, empty, and probably numb. My heartfelt condolences XXX
I have lots of good supports thanks, and have done a lot of personal study on grief since the unexpected death of my father quite a number of years ago. At that time I was sent to a psychiatrist for physical problems I was experiencing and he told me I was "normal" and there was nothing wrong. That unsatisfactory answer sent me on a 25 year journey studying grief and people's reactions to it.
This is an extra hard day for you. I can only say how sorry I am. Nothing I can do to ease the pain though? That's the awful part of this trying to learn to live alone business, after so long with the person you loved?
I know from your comments you wouldn't want your loved one alive and suffering though. As I have come to terms with that it has helped me. Yes I hate opening the door to an empty house but I am getting used to it. I suppose time heals as they say? I am certainly not healed but feel a lot better than I did some months ago. You will feel that too. It is very early days for you.
Please stay in touch with us all. The people on this site got me through the hell of it all and now through the grieving process. We will all help you too. It is the best site on the internet as far as I am concerned! I regard everyone on this site as my friend.
Thank you Marie for your encouraging words. Yesterday was the first day in many years I had been alone all day and it is very strange. I know from both study and personal experience that grief takes a very long time - to come to terms with and to accept as the new normal in one's life. It is so easy for many of us to want to hide in our rooms and grieve in private, and others of us to try to pretend that everything is right in our world and not grieve at all. Neither is particularly healthy. But it is a road we must travel. I think that as long as we keep travelling down that road and get help if we get bogged down, that we will eventually come to an acceptance of the new life that we have and will move on.
So sorry for your loss. But he is now free from PSP. It is so sad there is so much grief with PSP anticipatory followed by post passing grief. Please try to ditch the guilt I am sure it is not warranted.
Feeling for you as I am going through the same, as are heaps of others on this site. It helps to know there are others out there. Hubby is now down to about 50 kgs and has had P.S.P for at least 8 years, it is a cruel, illness, for both the person who has it and those that care and love them. Hugs to you Marg H. Australia xxx
So sorry for your loss. Your dad is finally at peace and free from pain.
Rest assured your dad will always be with you. Feel his love.
So sorry for your loss don’t feel guilty you have cared for him and loved him through his ordeal and I will call it that because it’s an awful disease take care of yourself thinking of you x x
RIP Malcolm John Moore. What a well loved man he was? I love that happy photo! You were lucky to have him but sadly you now have to get used to him not being here. I hope your friends support you through this. You are lucky to have such supportive friends. Take care of yourself.
See I am cracking up! This is the third reply to you to apologise for sending two replies! I am sure you won't mind though. I am having trouble with the site. Everything keeps vanishing!!
Marie x
I too recently lost my dad to psp. All what you wrote is just how I feel. Support from others is invaluable, then & now. May our dad's rest in peace now they've escaped the pain. I too am relieved for him but yes the liss is still huge for us.
Sincere condolences to you on the loss of your dad. You have been an ever loving and caring daughter to your dad and he knew and appreciated it very much. He is looking down on you and will always be with you.
This PSP is a horrible disease and to watch your loved one suffering from day to day makes you doubt yourself whether you are doing the best that you can. We all go through these feelings but we are doing everything to help and care because we love them.
I am sending hugs and much love to you and your family. May your dad rest in peace. Teeker xxx
Hugs and sincere sympathy. We who are caring for a loved one know where we are headed. So many hours pass but when it is final we will all have the same feelings that you are going through. Your dad looks like such a warm caring father. Nancyxxx
I am so sorry for your loss. It is hard, but hopefully, eventually, the happy memories of times earlier will outweigh the memories of the last times with your Dad. My husband died of the same disease a week ago, so I can feel with you in your pain. I am very greatful for the support that I found on these on-line groups, as I am in Canada where there seems to be even less of this known. I believe that you did everything you could for him; take comfort in that when guilt threatens. You could not take his pain away, and yet I believe that your presence comforted him until the end. I too know the guilt of relief and that is a normal reaction to what we go through. Be kind to yourself. You have been on a stormy journey. Condolences to all of your family, and I pray that you will know peace in your heart.
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Tumeric tablets help my father with psp 
My wonderful Father in Law passed away this morning
Lost my father 
