Sorry folks just when you thought I had vanished into the ether and was long gone - here I am back again like a bad penny . Well I have had my hip operation I know you can't wait to hear all about it . I was dragged reluctantly into the RD&E at some ungodly hour (7.30) by my daughter last Friday . Within minutes of being there I realised I was third on the list , bad news as that meant a late afternoon operation so a long food free day ahead .A couple of weeks before this I had had to see another specialist about a skin thing - he casually asked who was doing my hip op and I said Professor X and his reply was " oh is he still going?' confidence inspiring NOT ! Shouldn't have worried as I found he was one of the top five men in the country doing this op . Needless to say he wasn't working on my day and I had a very pleasant child surgeon with an Irish accent who found huge pleasure in drawing a smiley face on my to be operated hip .
The anaethetist tried to pacify me by telling me that as I was last the anaesthetic would last all night and I would sleep like a baby . The last thing I remember before going in was asking them if they were not too tired after already doing two others and if they were I would be happy to come back another year . They assured they weren't as they had all had a wiff of gas and were feeling refreshed so in I went .
Did I sleep all night -hell no , in the op at three in recovery at 6 drinking tea and eating toast supping morphine and hotwired till 3am plus the fact that on the hour every hour someone comes and blood pressures you , takes your temperature and rolls you over to look for bed sores - hadn't been in even 24 hours and they are checking for bedsores - I ask you .
Saturday dawns and the physioterrorists arrive -( they have all been trained to work in Guantanamo Bay you know - no its true I have it on good authority) . " Now George ,we can call you George (grudging answer Yes ) we are going to get you up and walk round the bed to your chair - what is your pain on a scale of 1_10 ? " "about 45 " " That's fine now lets get moving ." They are the only people in hospital who inflict pain and smile at the same time .
I have come to the conclusion that all the people I talked to who have had hip operations are either born liars or are suffering from short term memory loss . Not one of them told me that getting out of bed required the skill of a contortionist and the stoicism of someone undergoing surgery in the 16th century . Excrutiating- your leg absolutely refuses to do what it is told and so when the physio"encourages " (another word for putting you through torture akin to living in the days of the Spanish Inquisition) is the only word for it .
I got round the bed , turned a very funny colour according to the nurse and slumped in the chair just before I hit the deck . I was hastily put back to bed oxygen stuffed up my nose and with a cheery wave they departed with the word s "we will be back this afternoon " And they were ! I wont bore you with the rest of the process other than to say by Monday morning they had me on the stairs and by afternoon it was the discharge procedure . Now this went something like this .
Occupational Therapist visit - Have you got a good high chair at home - yes - good to go - have you a raised toilet seat - yes good to go - crutches - yes good to go a grab for picking things up yes - that's fine you are good to go .
Physiotherapist visit . Can you get in and out of bed by yourself - well no not really good , good to go - can you get up and down off the toilet - (sullen ) haven't needed to try that one - sure you will be fine good to go . Did you manage the stairs - well with the help of that electrified cattle prod next to my posterior good ,good to go ,
Last visit is from a child playing Dr's and nurses claiming to be ward Dr . well everyone says you are fit to go - actually I feel very nauseous and get very dizzy when I stand up - Oh I expect that will wear off ,scuse me I have put my colouring book down somewhere and I must find it before tea time - bye .
So that was it and home I am . I must admit I had quite a few teary moments in hospital and it wasn't the pain it was just seeing all the gear I had been using with Veronica for the past so many years .
I have to admit that once home the progress is quite swift - apart from sleeping on your back and not crossing your legs which is inconvenient anyone who is about to have this op , its a doddle - take my word for it !
love to you all