Responses to Dilemma post

Thank you every one for the very helpful responses to my dilemma (spelt correctly this time! ) They are interesting and varied and come from experience which I appreciate . We have had the OT in and she accepted that the only place for our wet room was where we were going to put it and that it would be a tight squeeze (unfortunately no garage or even space for one ). The steps down into the kitchen come right in the middle of the room and the incline of the ramp to be manageable would mean it would have to go right across the kitchen and end up a foot above the floor on the opposite wall . The OT couldn't find a solution to that one and called in her superior who was equally foxed .I called in the architect /builder who originally did the barn conversion on our house and because of the configuration of the layout couldn't come up with any practical solution either , other than virtually knocking down one side of the house to build an exterior corridor to get from one level to another which would so have altered the house so much that I suspect one would only be able to sell it on the another wheelchair user besides which it was a hugely expensive option and didn't really fit the bill . So we have explored the options as far as we can . I put a wardrobe and chest of drawers in my wife's bed sitting room for two reasons - one I wanted her to have some control over her life and two she has always been a stylish dresser and can you imagine how many times I have come down stairs with what I thought was the right item only to be told "not that one the other grey one " and then "no I have changed my mind - I don't want grey I want black but not the v neck ' etc etc On the whole at the risk of sounding sexist I think "chaps " don't care quite so much ! Mind you being ever so slightly colour blind doesn't help either!But I have taken on board your ideas and suggestions and they will certainly help me make a considered decision .

I think probably it is most likely my wife's mental state which will tip the balance .Today she couldn't sit at the kitchen table for nearly half an hour because I wasn't pushing her chair in the way I normally do it apparently . I couldn't understand what she was talking about and she couldn't explain it. So she stood up I pushed her up to the table she said "wrong" stood up (with help) and so we went on and on . All ended in tears . And in the end it was something to do with the position of the wheels on the tiled floor . They weren't in their usual place . I despair - still Hospice day tomorrow - hurray . Love to you all Georgpa

18 Replies

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  • I had somewhat the same problems Its. Not yu that's the one thing yu have to Remember I think the patients frustration is over whelming being difficult gives them some crazy feeling of control. At least that's what I felt with my husband Hope this helps just a little

  • Yes I think you are probably right but its difficult to deal with isn't it.

  • And love to both of you

  • ia free with wha tflicka has said - much love 2 both of you

    lol jill

    :-)

  • Hi Georgepa, I really feel for you, S can get a bit awkward at times, but no where near what you are through!

    One little trick you could try, with this last "little" problem, when you get her chair in exactly the right place, get a marker pen or something and mark where the wheels are. If you have old tiles with ridges, it might feel slightly wobbly, if chair on a ridge!!! Just a thought!

    I presume you have explored the idea of a stair lift for your steps!

    Hope you are enjoying your day off, please tell me you are doing something for YOURSELF and not doing boring stuff, that you could do tomorrow!!! I spent my day, this week, on a day out at a lovely hotel spa. (A birthday pressy from a very good friend!) To be waited on and pampered was absolutely bliss!!! It certainly helped me cope with yesterday's little challanges, hopefully will last into today!!!

    Got social services coming in to do a full assessment on me and S, should be fun!!! Glad it's Friday and the White Wine will be allowed out to play tonight!

    Lots of love

    Heady

  • Thanks for all the good advice Heady- the trick with marking the floor might work although today we are back to normal - I did think of cementing the chair in place but it seemed a bit extreme . My day off didn't go as planned - emergency trip to the dentist, view the possible 'move to' house . Vacuum cleaner broke down tried to mend it-beastly thing .So decided to cook mutton stew for supper forgot the time and was very nearly late picking Veronica up from the Hospice .Still the sun was shining and I played my misic very loudly so all was not lost . Georgepa

  • One bit of advice you didn't seem to understand! What on earth were you doing - hoovering on your day off!!! It was obviously listening more than you, the fact it decided not to work!!!!

    Keep playing your music!

    Lots of love

    Heady

  • ok ok point taken - not even hoovering just a little bit to music ?No you are right - no hoovering.

  • Well Done!!! We will get you on the straight and narrow eventually!!!

    Lots of love

    Heady

  • Well said Heady!!!!! If we all encourage him (nag him relentlessly) he might listen??

    Mind you Dads idea of heaven is tinkering with things so that is quite normal! 😉

  • I had a Dad like that! Was capable of mending anything and everything! Not sure how he would have coped with today's computer in everything world! No doubt he would have found a way of making them work better!

    Lots of love

    Heady

  • Is there no escape from nagging women? Even my daughter's on my case .

  • That's the difference between men and women, we talk a different language. "Nagging" in women speak is loving!!!!

  • YES I AGRE HEADY

    NAGGING IS LOVING IN A WOMAN'S EYES BUT NOT IN A MANS\

    LOL JILL

    hugs and xxx 2u and S

  • Ummmph!

  • Its all too much, isn't it ? We are not near your stage but have considered moving. The whole upheaval seems too much and, for me would leave me, eventually ,in a place I don't want. It is so important to feel you are in your "home". When everything else is changing it feels crucial to have something really familiar around you. BUT, as with the P.S.P. , we sometimes have to accept the unacceptable. Its hard to know when that is. I am thinking of you both and hope you can make the right decision for you both. Jean

  • hi

    i agg ree wiht DOGLINTON AABOVE

    IT IS ALL A ABIT ,MUCH WHEN AS MY PARTNER AND I MOVED INTO THE GROUDN FLOOR APARTMENT WHER EI HAD BEEEN LIVING UPSTAIRS FOR HTE PREVIOUS 5 YRS - IT IS DIFFICULT WJHEN I COULD NOT EVEN UNPACK 1 BOX OF OVER 100, I THINK THERE WERE, BUT EH DID IT ALL WITHOUT A WORD FO COMPLAINT AND THAT WAS HIS INTRO IN A WAY TO THIS PSP AS WE HAD NOT LIVED TOGETHER PREVIOUSLY SINCE I HAD BEEN DXD

    BUT WHEN I HTINK BACK I WAS STILL WALKIGN OK DESPIT E FALLING OVER MANY TIMES A DAY\

    .OL `JILL

    :-)

  • I will get there in the end - its not a decision I am going to hurry.Sometimes I think it would be easier to toss a coin - but then I would probably say best of three then five or even seven ! Thanks for the response anyway . Georgepa

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