My surgery was 7 months ago. I’ve tried masturbating but it take a long time, I’m not hard at all and I’m often frustrated by not having an orgasm. I’m on 10mg of Cialis at night. My doctor also prescribed Viagra but there was no action down below even on the maximum dosage. I’m feeling very sad and I’m regretting having the surgery. I’m married to a man but we stopped having sex about 15 years ago. He’s impotent and chose not to explore help out of embarrassment.
I don’t know what to do at this point. Is there a drug to take away your sex drive? My sex drive is still very strong so it leaves me so sexually frustrated. Any advice will help. I do try different things with myself like sucking my toes, playing with my nipples, fingering myself, licking my armpits, using a dildo on myself and then sucking it. I try anything that will give me some form of intimacy with myself. I won’t cheat on my husband, I’m not wired that way. I am open to phone sex at this point but haven’t tried it yet.
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AndThenThisHappened
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Sorry to hear of your experience. It takes a long time, but you can experience orgasm without an erection. I suggest lots of your favourite porn and patience. The nerves that control elections take a long time to heal.
I just expected more at this time. I have had minor orgasms but nothing like I used to have. I think I’ve been trying everything I could think of but not having much luck. I am happy to be alive and cancer free but I’m so depressed.
It's been two years since my surgery and the only way I can achieve a hard erection is through trimix injections. I told myself I'd never be able to stick a needle into my penis, but I got over the fear and the slight pain lessened over time. Get yourself a good ED doctor and he'll explain all the options. My doctor tells me that injections create scar tissue and after years they may not work, but it's definitely worth it for me. When they do stop working, I'll look into an implant. And you should take LeeAussie5's advice and talk to a counselor or therapist. It was the best advice I got to help me through all of this. And talking with other men who have gone through this in a group has helped too. Good luck, guy.
Nothing here is a surprise or to be disagreed with. Yes, the sexual experience is different after prostate cancer surgery. Yes, you will not ejaculate because those organs are removed or disconnected. Injections will give a better erection. I could not tolerate TriMix but did OK with Bimix. I have learned to masturbate without an erection and to get an orgasm without an erection. Two of the men in myh support group have had penile implants. One is gay and one is straight. Both are happy with the results, as are their partners. Is it the same? No. Better than nothing? Yes. I miss my erections. I miss my semen. Neither of those things defines me as a man or as a person.
I appreciate all the advice given to me on here. I didn’t want the needle because of the scar tissue side effect. My doctor told me I may get my erections back but that it could take up to 2 years. I’m 54 years old so I thought I should give it more time.
I do think a counselor may help my with my low self image. I don’t even feel gay anymore. I’m curious how long it takes guys here to have an orgasm without an erection. It can take me over an hour and that’s on a good day. I really do miss my semen and had no idea how much I’d miss it.
That is what the doctors tell you. What they don't tell you if what their own patients' stats are and they don't tell you that the erection you may eventually get (if you are lucky) may be somewhat floppy. The scarring effect is true but I think overrated. It can be mitigated by careful technique of not injecting in the same place every time.
I am near-80,, gay and in a committed partnership. My pathway is different from a 54 year old. Certainly you can wait two years and see what happens. That is what "Arthur" did before he had his implant. And it was covered by Medicare. Or, you can push for an earlier surgery. Or you can recognize that you have other orifices and techniques which can make you a good sex partner. You need to talk to yourself about that. No one else is in your shoes or on your pathway.
I'm older than you (79 now) and was, I think, 67 when I had an RP. My erectile ability kept improving for almost three years after the RP. In your case there may, or may not, be more to come! In my case Viagra is a big help, also I use a kind of rubber band improvised cock ring (a hair band sold in the drugstores for pony tails, etc), which helps with hardness (I prefer that to some kind of metal or plastic thing). I tried pumping and I just found is disagreeable--hard plastic, and little motor, I just found it un-sexual (I was never into toys, etc. or any kind of fetish, and that's what it seemed like to me).
There are two kinds of counseling I think you might consider. One is "regular" counseling in which you can explore your feelings about the various changes in your life, from your partners impotence, to your current impotence, to changes in self image in general after surgery, to who knows what. A gay counselor may make things easier, mine happened to be straight but that caused no problems I waited several years after my RP to do that, but I'm glad I finally did (I wanted to be "self-sufficient", lol, as if there were such a thing). The other kind of possible counseling would be with a medical practitioner who specializes in sexual rehabilitation. Your surgeon's office should know how to connect you with such a person if you have trouble finding one.
I want to wish you luck. You sound pretty unhappy about things and I don't blame you. Since professional advice might help, why not try it? I doubt that it would make things worse, lol. And I also wish you luck with possible continued physical progress as things continue to heal.
I know how you feel, but stick at it! I was like you totally down after 6 months and no hard cock although I did manage to get orgasms with my limp dick.
However my NHS surgeon told me to keep taking the viagra he prescribed at full dose and suggested taking it first thing in the morning before eating.
I did that for another 6 months and still no response although I did start trying to pump the old fella up with a vacuum pump.
No success but then having continued taking viagra I woke one night at 2am with a slightly hard cock, not full on but enough for me to think things were beginning to improve.
Slowly and continuing the viagra plus pumping, my cock started to respond and usually at 2am in the morning.....so when asleep my nerves were making it respond. so I guessed all the psychological pressure I put on myself when awake was working against me.
The impatience of my partner when we attempted sex was not helping either so I started to take my time after a blue pill and slowly things improved. It was now 2 years since my Op, and although my hard-ons were not as they were pre-Op my cock felt like it was mine again and hard enough to wank nicely to orgasm.
I use porn, a cock ring, lube and take a daily Cialis to get hard now and can manage sex just about, but only if I have a patient partner.....I kicked my Ex into touch when he showed very little sympathy for my problems.
OK I do not shoot spunk any more but my orgasms are twice as intense although the pee I sometimes shoot is a bit of a pain but if you get a guy who does not care it makes all the difference too.
Hope this helps, the organ in your head can have an enormous influence on the one between your legs. Good luck.
I take 5mg of Cialis every day and 25mg of Viagra if a need the booster. I get a fairly decent hard-on when I wank, which I do every single day and twice if possible. I take my time , watching porn, wear a silicone cock ring and manipulate the blood into my cock as much as I can. I use lube too as my cock is a lot dryer post surgery, but I do have a foreskin so that helps as it spreads the lube evenly without too much help from me. Playing with my nipples helps as they always get erect and have always been a part of my turn on ritual. I still get the urge to cum off quickly as I used to when younger having sex, but take my time until my cock is as hard as I can get it.
The mental aspect of wanking post ops is a big hurdle as your brain works differently as you have a different body now to the one where you got a hard-on just thinking about shagging the horny guy sitting opposite you on the train. I can lose my erection so quickly hence the brain is thinking cum off now before you lose it, but over-ride those thoughts.
What disappoints me the most is that after I have moaned and shot the imaginary spunk across my belly, my cock gets a much better boner to the one that has just done the business.....once again proving your brain is still very much in charge of things down there.
Don't wait!!! Keep trying different medications. I was also erection free. Sex for me has been a solo experience for many years now. Since my wife had a hysterectomy, all interest was gone.
After my surgery, I also experienced erectile death. My doctor recommended bi-mix shots. They worked great with minimal discomfort. I could achieve a great orgasm. My wife would give me a ration of crap everytime I injected. I got fed up with the crap so I stopped them. In a few months, atrophy took over and I lost another inch or so. Between the surgery and the atrophy, I lost over 2 inches and I didn't have that much to start with.
As for the scar issue, it really isn't that big an issue. Just inject every couple of days, maybe 3 times a week. You also need to inject on opposite sides so you have fresh tissue each time.
I'd really recommend you give them a try. It took me a couple of years before my erections started to return. I do take 5mg of tadalafil daily to help and prevent any more atrophy.
I had my RP 15 months ago at 64 years old. The RP left me erectionless so far, with not-a-hint of any action down there. I use a pump everyday and take 5ml daily doses of Cialis to maximize the potential for regaining any erectile function. I have found that using 2 cock rings (over cock and balls) slipped off of the end of the pump gets me pretty hard ... not hard enough of anal penetration but hard enough to jerk off while watching porn. I am not successful in reaching orgasm EVERY time, but am able to cum 1-2 times a week. The "penile re-hab" is important in retaining length and girth, and knowing that I can still orgasm is soul-healing! I have quite a different orgasm but still intence and I have gotten used to it. I have been able to have a flaccid orgasm a couple of times while deeply involved in a porn video, proving the mind's powerful involvement in the process. Just knowing that I can orgasm, even if not every time I try, keeps me going!! FOOTNOTE: Sex with my wife had become so infrequent over the decades, and I was supplementing my sexual needs with men over the years. This of course all stopped during covid. Post RP urologist has given me Viagra to try with my wife and I have been shown how to use the injections. The viagra was a bust. The injections work but I still am learning how to maximize it's effect, and my erections, as they are not giving me the hard-on I want. The wife's lack of interest in sex and in helping me get back to what I want has thrown me back into the arms of a man who is also in a sexless marriage. He is patient and anxious to help me discover my new sexual capabilites and limitations. Andthenthis......don't give into your negative thoughts. Keep trying different things and leave yourself open to the possibilities.
I read these latest comments and it made me realize I was blind to the realities of what my sex life would be following surgery. I wish I could get something happening with my dick. Right now I can manage the occasional limp dick orgasm. I have my next follow up with my doctor in a few weeks. This is not what I thought my life would be like following surgery. I couldn’t be more down than I am right now.
I had prostate surgery and then salvage radiation with ADT. ADT kills libido as well as the ability to get hard. All in all, some 2 1/2 years after surgery, I woke up with "morning wood". I was so happy! Now I can get an erection fairly easily, but I get a much harder erection with Viagra. You probably had unreasonable expectations. Hang in there. If you're lucky, your erections may return. Unfortunately, they also may not. There are mechanical measures that you can take (implants) if nature doesn't do it for you.
I had my RP almost three years ago when I was 58. Like you, I went through a very long period of depression and also was very angry. I think I was angry at myself for having the operation and not another type of treatment.
Just a few weeks after the operation I would spend hours trying to achieve an orgasm with a limp dick, sometimes four or five hours at a time, watching as much porn as I could get, as I was so frustrated. I got to the point that I was putting myself into very risky situations in bathhouses and online cruising not caring about the consequences.
I tried Viagra and Cialis which didn’t do anything for me. I did have some success with a pump. At least it looked like a hard cock. But maintaining it was difficult. A good, non chafing cock ring helps. I find rubber and silicone can be very irritating after a while. I use a leather cock ring/ strap thingy with snaps. But anything, even a shoelace, will work.
I did try the injections but found the, admittedly, very hard erections extremely painful and couldn’t wait for the injections to wear off.
In the past six months I have noticed my cock getting a bit hard when I masturbate and with enough stimulation I can achieve orgasm in a relatively short time.
I also noticed that I am now producing a clear liquid that is like a light version of precum. Not as sticky but definitely something approaching normal. It’s definitely not pee. I believe this comes from the Cowper glands that, I assume, were not removed. That said, as I get more aroused, I do squirt pee and when I orgasm the pee flies all over the place. I found this very troubling in the early days but have come to enjoy it as, for me, it enhances my orgasm.
I’m in a better place now and have embraced the new reality of my sex life.
My advice. Try everything! You will find some things will work for you. Definitely get a pump and use it every day. Not doing this will cause atrophy as Ram17 says and you could lose inches. The surgeons fail to mention this, I believe, quite deliberately.
Give yourself time. I was terribly impatient. Most of all, be good to yourself and do seek counselling.
I didn’t get any advice from my surgeon in choosing a good pump so I just went to an adult store and purchased one that seemed ok. Just a manual bulb pump. Keep in mind that it’s not so much the plastic pump that is important. It is the rubber constriction ring on the end of it that goes over the penis. It has to be a good tight fit. If it isn’t tight it will leak air and you will be pumping forever. Also, don’t go for a pump with too much girth. Just get one that is a bit larger than what your erect penis was. The point of the pump is not to get bigger. It is to pull as much blood into the penis, using negative pressure, to keep it from atrophying and shrinking. Vacurect is a pump that is recommended by some as it comes with a number of different sized constriction rings so one should fit ok. It can be expensive though.
I bought the same bulb pump and had the same results as you. I decided my sexlife was worth the VAcurect cost and bought one..... AMAZING!!!! Hard-ons like a teenager! It takes getting used to...there are online videos to watch.
I agree with Dropout_Guy in that urologists tell you nothing after they've removed the threat of cancer. This is an aspect for their care that is painfully lacking. After reading about post-op penis rehab with a pump and mentioning it to my urologist his response was .." ya, you can do that". I have been using a simple bulb pump a few days a week. They work well after you get used to the discomfort. I tried rolling a cock ring off the end of it onto my cock but that did nothing to retain a hard-on. Then I tried pulling one over my whole package (cock and balls) and that works much better. It is a tricky procedure but allows me to maintain a pretty decent erection. After watching many videos from these female sexologists and urologists from Australia and New Zealand I have started "rehabbing" every day (sometimes twice a day, 5 minutes at a time) and bought the Vacurect (a medical-grade pump) I am still getting to learn the best way to get it to work for me but have been able to get an erection good enough for anal sex....but have not yet tried it. My best advice.... do your research. Join a support group. Read. Watch videos. Ask questions on web sites like this!
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Erection return
Finding Love after Surgery
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