Dating and PC

[MJCA]

Hi All,

I was diagnosed at age 45. Had 4 rounds of Lipton, seeds and radiation. Had a bf in the beginning. It’s been 13 years, and after losing 210 whopping pounds I want to date again, but I have performance issues. How do others convey this to a potential partner?

Thanks and hugs!

[Tall_Allen]

What do you mean by "performance issues"? Do you mean you can't get an erection even with ED meds? get one sometimes? not hard enough for anal penetration? don't produce semen?

if it's just about semen, as it is with me, I don't explain on hook-ups, but I do explain if I'm dating.

If you can't get erections, even with ED meds or trimix, you have to explain because otherwise he may take it as lack of interest. If you only bottom, it makes this a lot easier. If you want to top, but can't, consider a penile implant.

[TimCo in reply to Tall_Allen]

I agree with Allen if just a hook up I don't explain but if dating then go into details.

[MJCA in reply to Tall_Allen]

Sorry to take so long to reply. ED drugs don't really help and you hit it on the pardon the pun, head...not hard enough. Semen? Ha. Haven't shot anything in 13 years. My hook up days are long gone. A date? What's that? LOL

Thanks for the info. Now, I just need to find a "him"!

[TimCo]

Right from the get go tell em exactly how you operate having sex.

Get it out there and then move on or not with/without them.

Take the stress out of the equation asap.

If they genuinely like you they will work with you.

~Tim

[MJCA in reply to TimCo]

Thanks. It is difficult in this web dating world.

[TimCo in reply to MJCA]

it is, but not impossible.

I stay open and hope full.

[PSV60 in reply to TimCo]

Hi Tim. Thanks for the positive message. I want to support your message that if you find someone that genuinely likes you, they will work with you. I've met a great guy, and he knows all about my post-surgical issues, and is willing to work with me. I was not planning on meeting or dating anyone this soon after surgery, but it happened. Intimacy comes in many forms and you need to find what type of intimacy will work for both partners. Best of luck!

[TimCo in reply to PSV60]

Sage advice and mucho luck with your new partner.

[PSV60 in reply to TimCo]

Thanks Tim!

[lavis]

I would suggest going to a Gay Prostate Cancer Support Group, in your area, if you have one.

That is where I met my current Boyfriend and it is such a blessing to meet someone that totally understands the impact PC has on, your life.

We have a great relationship and it is not based on, Sexual Performance/Satisfaction.

I

[MJCA in reply to lavis]

Good idea! Thanks. I am sure there must be something in my area.

[PSV60 in reply to MJCA]

There are men out there who will understand. I never thought so either, but I have met others who are compassionate and I currently am close with a man who understands my post-surgical issues. Try to meet someone within a support group and/or staying within your own age group, where there is bound to be more compassion and understanding. Best of luck!

[Darryl Partner]

Aside from in-person Malecare gay men with prostate cancer support groups, there are two new ways to meet-up. One is to use the People Near Me feature, healthunlocked.com/people-n... Find a guy and send him a message. There is also cancermatch.com Not many gay men using Cancermatch, yet, but there are a few from the Malecare groups.

[MJCA in reply to Darryl]

Hey Darryl, I live in the San Francisco Bay Area, I used the link - no one in my area. I am very surprised.

[MJCA]

Thanks Darryl. We chatted last December. I will check out the both links.

[IMAT2B]

I lost my partner last August and don't think much about dating. Still I did have someone approach me recently and when it looked like a meeting would occur I made clear my former status as a top was no longer viable. This seemed to work well. To be honest, I am focused on an LTR after a lifetime of sex-based activity. Unfortunately, my age (nearly 70) and "sexual condition" make finding a meaningful relationship unlikely. Even so,I hope you will find what you seek.

[brk55305]

Am 6 months post prostatectomy and erections and sex continues to be an issue. It is difficult to date since in "our world" it seems to be all about having an erection ... with little emphasis on the emotional connection. I think the idea of a support group is good ... at least we would all have somethings in common and hopefully a common understanding.