Looking For Prostate Cancer Survivors For Friendship And/Or Dating

[tommyrobertson]

I am a 65 year old prostate cancer survivor of almost 10 years. I did have a small scare during COVID and had to undergo 36 radiation treatments. There was no metastasis and there has been no indication of cancer metastasizing since. My PSA has been 0.04 since the treatment ended. I know it sounds weird, but I am looking for prostate cancer survivors for friendship and/or dating, or just someone to talk to about our experience(s) and lives. It is difficult finding gay mail friends who have undergone prostate cancer treatment and are now living with our new reality. Thank you for reading my post. And, Merry Christmas!

[Tall_Allen]

We have a gay PCa support group in L.A.

[tommyrobertson in reply to Tall_Allen]

Thanks Allen!

[MarathonMan79]

morning

I was diagnosed with prostate cancer almost three years ago

Unfortunately I am currently going through radiation Today is treatment 28 with 11 more to go

Hate it

[tommyrobertson in reply to MarathonMan79]

I hated radiation. But it worked for me. I underwent radiation during COVID, so that wasn't very pleasant at all. Thank you for sharing!

[SadandScared in reply to MarathonMan79]

Good luck with everything! I start my SBRT on January 8th.

[dadzone43]

There is a group of gay men with PCa that meets online every Tuesday. Check MaleCare.

[Miccoman]

It would help to know where you are I'm 74 and suddenly have more years to go and, being new to the area, the local gay seniors group folk get a little freaked out about my being "terminal" for 10 years. They're nice to me but no one really interested in becoming friends...

Oh, and I'm in Rochester, NY

[panagiotis]

Greetings to you Tommy,

I just read your post and it hit a cord in my heart.

Like you I had prostate cancer exactly 10 years ago when I was 57. After my diagnosis I had no options but to have it surgically removed. I was living in Manhattan at the time and interviewed numerous specialists and finally decided on David Samadhi, one of the original inventors of robotic surgery for cancer.

I was fortunate that he was able to save my sexual nerves but everything changed since then.

As a gay man who was sexually very active my life was turned upside down and I went into a severe depression. It took some time to get out of it and still, to this day, I have days when I go into a funk thinking about it.

In NYC finding support and sexual partners that have gone through prostate cancer was much easier. Now I live in Fort Lauderdale and it seems that any support is non-existent.

There was a wonderful chat room for us men, gay and straight, who have undergone prostate cancer, but it has died down and no one uses it anymore.

Without dramatizing this much further it would be both my pleasure as well as to our mutual benefit should you want to talk further with me.

Sending you a hug from Florida,

Peter

[tommyrobertson in reply to panagiotis]

Hello Peter! I hope all is well with you. I can relate to everything you said about the depression. It did take a while to get over for me as well. And, like you, I still have days that I think about it. I lived in Tampa for 17 years, but I moved back to Mississippi to be closer to my family. I look forward to getting to know you better. Happy holidays!

[panagiotis in reply to tommyrobertson]

Feel free to reach out anytime. We all need support...

[tommyrobertson in reply to panagiotis]

I am always here to help in any way I can as well.

Tommy

[panagiotis in reply to tommyrobertson]

Hi Tommy

I hope by now you found someone in your life in Mississippi. I am still looking. I just posted this online and got one response from Chicago. LOL. I do hope you are well. If you are still single and looking feel free to reach out. I am in the Fort Lauderdale area.

Cheers,

Peter

P.S. - this is my post

Looking for friends who have gone through prostate cancer

It's been 10 years since I had my prostatectomy. I was 57 at the time and it was a robotic surgery which fortunately saved my sexual nerves. As you all know nothing is the same after surgery.

I now live in Florida. When I lived in Manhattan there was a rather large support group and I had developed some wonderful friendships and support both in person as well as on line.

I am looking to find other men who are in a similar situation for support and friendship and hopefully not too far geographically.

Thank you guys.

Sincerely,

Peter

[ejefowe]

Hey Tommy. I'm a 66 year old bi sexual man, living in a (basically) sexless marriage to a woman. I had robotic surgery and had my prostate removed 19 months ago and have since had no erectile function AT ALL. My wife has told me that she is not really interested in sex. I have a male lover (also in a sexless marriage) who I can meet up with from time to time. I know how it feels having no one to talk to who understands what I am going through. There are no local groups for me to join and I am unsure I would be willing to "come out" to strangers for risk of meeting someone I know. I have joined an online support group of mostly straight men and I have to say it helps a lot to talk about what is going on in my head. But I cannot share EVERYTHING that I am going through as I am not sure there would be understanding from them about my sexual interactions with men. Please feel free to reach out to talk. It could do us both good

[tommyrobertson in reply to ejefowe]

Hello ejefowe! I hope you are well. I am a gay male living in Pearl, MS. I lived in Tampa for 17 years with my ex. I moved back to MS when we broke up to be near my family. I mostly have good days, but I always find it helpful if I have someone to talk to about what is on my mind. My problem is I have always found it difficult to trust anyone to talk to with all of the stigma about being gay and I was a young gay man throughout the AIDS epidemic. I was always afraid and I don't think I was ever really relaxed enough to embrace my identity. I think it had a lot to do with being from an extremely conservative state(s)...Missouri and Mississippi. I look forward to talking to you. Happy holidays!

[ejefowe]

Hey Tommy. I am glad that you wrote back and that you shared your story with me. My story is quite different. I have always lived a straight life... married, kids, etc. (I do love my wife who is my best friend). When our 2nd child was born, sex in my marriage slowed down to an almost STOP. Talking, pleading, etc has not changed it much, so in my 40's I started looking for alternatives. I have always admired beautiful male bodies in the gym and was always curious sexually to try MOSTLY anything. It was a gradual movement from magazines to peep-shows to gay bathhouses (I travel a lot for work) till eventually joining a gay chat site and meeting guys there. I have been playing with men now for over 20 years. I finally stopped just before Covid, as it had become a huge distraction to my marriage. Those 2 years my wife and I got to concentrate on each other (the kids had long since moved out) were great! We furthered our closeness.... but the sex never came back into it. She is just not as interested as I am. Then I was diagnosed with prostate cancer. I knew the statistics about my erections vanishing FOREVER and seriously considered NOT having the surgery. I discussed my attitude and fears about my sex-life's potential disappearance. My wife's obvious lack of empathy and support was disappointing. After my surgery I expected my erections not to return so as not to get my hopes up...and they have not. I have joined a few chat groups to discuss what is going on in my head. It helps. I read, research, and am doing whatever I can to retain my penis "health" despite my wife's luke-warm attitude towards us making love. Since my prostatectomy 19 months ago, we have made love 7 times. (yes, sadly, I count!!) I have since found a lover (also married to a woman who is disinterested in sex) who is patient with my erectile situation. I am using injections and a really good pump to get my cock in the game, but I am disappointed in my present situation. I know that I have no choice here, and am coming to terms with it, always trying to find alternative avenues of sexual pleasure. Talking really helps.

[tommyrobertson in reply to ejefowe]

Good morning ejefowe!

It is good to hear from you again. It sounds like you have utilized the usual devices to achieve erections. I only tried the pills, but they did not work. I achieve a pretty good erection. It is enough for masturbation. I was seeing a guy for several years after my prostatectomy, but I felt like he was the only one of us who was getting any pleasure out of it. He always wanted me to penetrate him, but that was not very successful. So, I ended up a bottom. He was so rough that I did no really get any pleasure from the sex. He was a divorced guy in his forties with 2 grown male children. He was always so secretive and afraid he was going to get found out that it made the sex rushed most of the time because he was always telling me he had to get home before his mom started calling him to ascertain his location. It was really weird. I asked for more from him, but he was not willing to budge. So, for my sanity, I had to just cut off all correspondence with him. He was also into wearing women's underwear and that was a big turnoff for me. Anyway, I am pretty much just masturbating and watching porn these days at home. It is more satisfactory than him. But, to be honest, I do kind of miss the body contact and kissing. Anyway, I hope you are well and looking forward to a nice holiday season. BTW, may I ask your first name. Talk to you later!

Tommy

[ejefowe in reply to tommyrobertson]

Hi Tommy. The lack of patience and understanding in a lover is, frankly, sad and disappointing. Just feeling another body close to you, to kiss deeply, and passionately...is more than half of what making love is all about. At least for me. Tho I am a top who, for now, has not been able to do much "topping", I have bottomed a couple of times since my surgery. Not having a prostate gland really puts a damper on the whole experience, but at least my lovers are gentle and kind....but I understand your "pain" (sorry for the pun). Sadly, I understand your lover's need for urgency and discretion....he should just schedule himself better and grow up about his "mommy issues". Like you, I masturbate while watching porn to keep me sane. I miss having a partner to hold. I am married, yet feel alone so often.

BTW..... I'm Jonathan.

[lupo58]

Hello Tommy

My name is Ken. I am a 59 year old male who has prostate removed and underwent radiation therapy. It is tough to find other men who want a relationship.

I take each day as it comes.