Dear All,
since I'm still awake, at 'gone' 1:30 am, a few jokes, 'thoughts' and so on.....
a Couple I have told before.... 'Goodies' though...
A man goes up, to a Night Club 'Bouncer' and asks to Come In. "I'm sorry Sir but you can only Enter if you are Wearing A Tie... House Rules, I'm afraid." The man goes back to his car but, after much searching, can only 'Find' a Set of old Jump Leads.
The man ties the Leads, around his neck- as Best he can- and once more approaches the Doorman. "Can I 'Come In' now" he says smiling. "OK" replies the Bouncer "but just don't, go around, STARTING anything!"
A Piece Of String approaches a Doorman, of a Nightclub, "Can I 'Come In' please?" "No" replies the Bouncer rather curtly. "Why not" he asks. "Because YOU are a Piece of string, that's why, now 'Hop it, before I call The Law'" replied the Official. Later on, that evening another 'String' tries His 'luck', with the Doorman.... but with the same result.
A third String however decides to 'have a go' but, this string, pulls himself around- stretching his fibres. "Can I come in please Mate" he asks the Bouncer "I Suppose YOU are a Piece Of String too?" to which the Third String replies..... wait for this... "NO I'm a 'Frayed Knot!"
Riddles 'What can 'Speak Any Language' but only ' In Reply', when spoken to'.
What is 'Yours' but other people use, far more, than you do yourself?
What goes Up but can NEVER come down?
What, two 'things' have a Bottom at their Top?
What is the nearest 'Thing' to Silver?
What do Men 'Do' standing Up, Ladies 'Do' sitting down and dogs 'do' on three legs? (if you are 'thinking anything to do with 'toilet' you are wrong.... try again.)
What goes 'In' Long and Hard and comes 'Out' Soft and Sticky (minds out the gutter)
Finally a 'Mean' but Funny one....
A man, or woman, is walking down a road and, as (s)he passes a fence- from behind- is being called 'Twenty-Three, Twenty-Three, Twenty-Three.....'. looking up (s)he sees a small 'knot' hole, at about eye level. Intrigued (s)he puts his/ her eye up to the hole.... then withdrew it very fast, 'someone' had Poked his/ her eye Hard. From behind the fence, was heard "Twenty-Four, Twenty-Four, Twenty-Four.......
Bonus Joke......
What goes 'Zzub, Zzub, Zzub?... a Bee, flying backwards!
AndrewT
