A simple misunderstanding: A man enters... - Positive Wellbein...

Positive Wellbeing During Self-Isolation

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A simple misunderstanding

Bazzak profile image
BazzakReading Rabbits
β€’29 Replies

A man enters a bar with a cod under his arm and asks "Do you serve fish cakes here?"

"No, we don't"

"Pity, it's his birthday"

A piece of string goes into a bar and asks for a beer.

"We don't serve string here"

So the string goes outside and asks a passerby to tie him up like a pretzel and tease the ends out. Reenters the bar and asks for a beer

"Aren't you that piece of string I refused to serve just now?"

"No, I'm a frayed knot!"

10. An Asian fellow has moved in next door. He has travelled the world, swum with sharks, wrestled bears and climbed the highest mountain. It came as no surprise to learn his name is Bindir Dundat.

A man from Parcelforce asked if I could tell him the time.

"Of course" I replied, "it's between 11.30am & 1.30pm

.Went to the zoo and saw a baguette in a cage

Apparently it was bread in captivity

A teddy bear is working on a building site. He goes for a tea break and when he returns he notices his pick has been stolen. The bear is angry and reports the theft to the foreman. The foreman grins at the bear and says "Oh, I forgot to tell you, today's the day the teddy bears have their pick nicked."

.So, I was in Sainsburys the other day.

A lady was looking at frozen turkeys, but she couldn't get one big enough.

She asked an assistant, do these turkeys get any bigger?

He replied with a straight face, no madam they're dead. πŸ™‚

29 Replies
β€’

Very funny

Very funny and makes me smile

I have a little joke for you

I wonder if you remember Amy Winehouse and her song Rehab

Well

My Mum tells me to go on line dating

My Auntie says No No No

Bazzak profile image
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply to Roukaya

🀣xxx

Sheila_G profile image
Sheila_G in reply to Roukaya

Very good

🀣🀣 are you a fan of Tim Vine by any chance πŸ€”

Agoodenough profile image
Agoodenough in reply to

πŸ˜‚ a fan? Maybe Bazzak is Tim Vine πŸ˜‰

in reply to Agoodenough

πŸ‘πŸ˜ƒ

Bazzak profile image
BazzakReading Rabbits in reply to Agoodenough

Who me?!!!

β€œI’m against hunting. In fact, I’m a hunt saboteur. I go out the night before and shoot the fox.”

β€œThis policeman came up to me with a pencil and a piece of very thin paper. He said, β€˜I want you to trace someone for me.'”

β€œI met this bloke with a didgeridoo and he was playing Dancing Queen on it. I thought, β€˜that’s Abba-riginal.'”

β€œI’ve decided to sell my Hoover – it was just collecting dust.”

β€œI was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me β€˜Can you give me a lift?’ I said β€˜Sure, you look great, the world’s your oyster, go for it.'”

Becksagogo profile image
Becksagogo in reply to Bazzak

Thank you. Silly humour at its best!

Sheila_G profile image
Sheila_G in reply to Bazzak

Great. You can't beat starting the day with a good laugh. Thank you

Sheila_G profile image
Sheila_G in reply to Agoodenough

Maybe he is!!!

Sheila_G profile image
Sheila_G in reply to

Tim Vine is the Master of one liners!

Bazzak profile image
BazzakReading Rabbits

I will pinch anybody's jokes if they make me smile πŸ™‚πŸ™‚x

GROAN!

I particularly liked the , 'bread in captivity one.'

Hee hee! πŸ˜‚πŸŒΈ

😁😁😁

Bazzak you always make me laugh when I need to!

Bazzak profile image
BazzakReading Rabbits

I am so pleased, thank you Spinner, hope you are well and please stay safe. πŸ’•xx

You always manage to make me laugh with your jokes! πŸ˜‚πŸ€£

Bazzak, where do you find these jokes?!? You always make me laugh, though πŸ‘πŸ˜‚πŸ‘πŸ€£

Great as usual xx

I'm referring to the jokes of course😘

πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚very funny

Thanks you are a tonic and my OH laughed as well πŸ˜πŸ˜‚

I'm sending these, lock, stock and barrel to my son in law, whose sense of humour is just as bad as yours Bazzak! 🀣🀣🀣

So funny thank you, I especially liked the parcelforce one

Craftyperson profile image
CraftypersonReading Rabbits

Good ones I've heard a variation of the frayed knot one before, In fact it's one of my favourites

Good afternoon Barry

Thank you for our daily Pick-Us-Up medication, went down very well, we are both feeling much better now.

Have a good evening, best wishes

Tim

Thank you for the Frayed knot, and the waitress cartoon LOL, :)

I have Just 'Posted' some Dreadful Jokes myself.....

AndrewT