A man enters a bar with a cod under his arm and asks "Do you serve fish cakes here?"
"No, we don't"
"Pity, it's his birthday"
A piece of string goes into a bar and asks for a beer.
"We don't serve string here"
So the string goes outside and asks a passerby to tie him up like a pretzel and tease the ends out. Reenters the bar and asks for a beer
"Aren't you that piece of string I refused to serve just now?"
"No, I'm a frayed knot!"
10. An Asian fellow has moved in next door. He has travelled the world, swum with sharks, wrestled bears and climbed the highest mountain. It came as no surprise to learn his name is Bindir Dundat.
A man from Parcelforce asked if I could tell him the time.
"Of course" I replied, "it's between 11.30am & 1.30pm
.Went to the zoo and saw a baguette in a cage
Apparently it was bread in captivity
A teddy bear is working on a building site. He goes for a tea break and when he returns he notices his pick has been stolen. The bear is angry and reports the theft to the foreman. The foreman grins at the bear and says "Oh, I forgot to tell you, today's the day the teddy bears have their pick nicked."
.So, I was in Sainsburys the other day.
A lady was looking at frozen turkeys, but she couldn't get one big enough.
She asked an assistant, do these turkeys get any bigger?
He replied with a straight face, no madam they're dead. 🙂