Just had a an argument with angry nei... - Positive Wellbein...

Positive Wellbeing During Self-Isolation

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Just had a an argument with angry neighbour down stairs

Roukaya profile image

I would like to explain she has children which run around until late

I am tired listening to the children running and screaming

I retaliated by running across the corridor

She banged on my door said she would report me to the housing association and police

I decided to knock on her door and apologise

I wonder now if she will report report me even though I apologised

38 Replies

I apologised even though to calm the situation I wonder if she will report it to the police and will the police consider this as well

in reply to Roukaya

I don't think you running across the corridor is considered a police matter Roukaya, so I wouldnt worry , and you apologised which is good , when you apologised what did she say?

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya in reply to

Good Evening I hope you are ok

Thank you for listening

I think the some of the people in this block are very rough

When I apologised she just said her daughter was crying but she was not angry

But I had to diffuse the situation

I will contact the Housing Association and explain that I ran across the corridor due to the children screaming

I also think she threatened to call the police to make me frightened

Thanks for listening

Batteria profile image
Batteria in reply to Roukaya

Don’t worry. You have more of a case than she has. The police are not stupid. They will understand. You could write to your housing association before she does and tell them exactly what happened. You told us and we sympathise. Another tactic is you could try making friends with the bairns. They are only acting like children do the world over. Their behaviour is not designed to annoy you. Many attachments I know of started off on the wrong foot. Buona fortuna. Bxx

in reply to Batteria

The police have better things to do than deal with small things like that and would laugh her out of the station!

She was just mouthing off to bully saying about the police!

Hi Roukaya, Sadly that's the problem when we react first and then think it over afterwards. You had good cause to report her and now it seems she may be in a position to do the same to you. I'm not squeaky clean in this either. Apartment dwelling often needs so much diplomacy and forbearance that it's all too easy to become angry and have a bad reaction.My advice would be to 'turn yourself in' with your Housing Association. Call them and say that you just want to mention you are having problems regarding noise with this neighbour and that unfortunately, because she upset you so much, you reacted in a way which wasn't the best. But that you need to let them know there is a problem which needs intervention so that both of you can find a way forward which causes less trouble with either of you.

Don't dwell on it and worry about it though. These things happen and Housing Associations deal with them every day. If apartments were built to higher standards, maybe we wouldn't have quite so much to put up with in the way of neighbour noise! 😊

Good evening I hope you are well

I will contact the Housing Association Team and explain I feel I intimidated and threatened by her

I would like to ask if she would go to the police or was she just threatening

Truly Roukaya, Mydexter is right. This is not a police matter so please don't worry about that.

Thank you for listening I think this was said to threaten and intimidate me

When I apologised she was not so angry

I think it is time I left this flat but as the rented flat tenancy ends at the end of next year I seem to have to endure living here

I think it's one of those things which people say when they are angry Roukaya. I'm sure she'll have calmed down by now and will possibly even have admitted to herself that she didn't behave that well.

Very kind of you to listen to meI have the email address of the home ownership officer and I have followed your advice and asked for their intervention

I think when the tenancy of the rented flat ends I will sell the flat and buy a home

I see no other way

Excellent advice.

Hello Roukaya I am so sorry about that sending my love and kindness to you ❤️❤️

I wouldn’t ask the neighbour about the police. No one has committed a crime so I can’t see they’d be interested. I can imagine it’s difficult living in a flat and having to listen to other people and I know how loud my grandchildren can be ! But I can also imagine how tough it is to be confined to a flat with children in lockdown.

I think you’ve done enough apologising to your neighbour.

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya in reply to

Good morning I hope you are well

I think I realise I need to take steps to move out from this situation

I bought this place in 2015 as it was the best I could afford but I also own a tenanted property and their lease comes to an end in two years

It is most likely I will sell up and see if I can find employment in U.K.

If unsuccessful I will join my Mother overseas

I hope you are feeling well

in reply to Roukaya

I was going to say you could move to your tenanted property by giving your tenants two months notice but I think you’re not in the UK? Can always be a tricky situation with neighbours, you never know who you’ll get. Good luck, I hope things settle down .

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya in reply to

Good morning I hope you are well

I am in the U.K. and the issue is that the tenanted property is agreed for a two year fixed term contract

So I am not able to give two months notice

I could find out if I could sell the property with a sitting tenant but it would seem this may reduce the selling price

I think if anything made me realise it is time to move on but this will take time to see if I pass the remaining two exams and find a years work experience

I hope you are well

in reply to Roukaya

Ah, I’m with you. Yes, you can sell with a sitting tenant but it’s a bit hit or miss finding the right buyer at the right time. Take it a step at a time, I hope your exam results are what you want and move forward from there.

Take care.

focused1 profile image
focused1Reading Rabbits

I would diary and log any phone calls you make and get name of person you spoke to . Email is better as counts same as writing a letter and this is evidence if things escalate with anyone but I would try and not retaliate as this may weaken your case . Surely there are others that find this noise annoying but I would report several incidents in 1 piece of correspondence with dates and times as I can see you not being taken seriously if you bombard a busy office with complaints . I know you have every right to but occasionally it can be misread as you bring a nuisance as happened to me when I complained about a colleague at work . It was only when I left did people realise what a pest he was but I learnt from that to grit my teeth and report several things at once over a period of time. It is good that you are planning an escape as this will keep you going .

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya in reply to focused1

Thank youVery sound advice

You need to build bridges. Invite neighbour to join you in a coffee in communal area. Buy some little activity books for the children. Maybe neighbour is at wits end coping with children during lock down. You have not committed a crime. The less people you and neighbour involve the better as it will end as tit for tat and life will be hell for you all.

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya in reply to rossie1942

I shall never build bridges with the neighbour downstairs I realise yesterday was my breaking point at made me decide to sell a another property I own and move away

Some people you can never build bridges with

You are right to try to be civil

But this one has been rude and non cooperative for years

Hi, I think you are thinking far too deeply into this. Step back a bit. She upset you, you upset her. Things like this happen. She has probably forgotten all about it and I think you should. I hope things settle down.

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya in reply to Fazerboy

I agree with what you are sayingBut I suffer from anxiety and I am on my own so this is why I am disturbed with this

Fazerboy profile image
Fazerboy in reply to Roukaya

It is very difficult with anxiety and being on your own. I think you need to concentrate on thinking that this neighbour probably speaks like this to people all the time and she probably doesn’t think twice about it. Thinking of going to the police and ideas about moving all lead to difficult thoughts going round and round in your head. Probably worse at night. You need to ignore it and think of the positive things in your life. Difficult I know especially with covid about.

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya in reply to Fazerboy

Thank youBut after yesterday I have realised that I would like to leave this place and buy a home with a garden

By Gods grace in two years I hope to be able to do this

You are very right about the conduct and rough behaviour of the tenant

Tenants like this will always be here because it is a Housing Association flat so this is why after yesterday I realised I would like to sell up and go if God permits

I hope you are well

How are you managing in Lock Down

Fazerboy profile image
Fazerboy in reply to Roukaya

I think concentrating on how to move forward to a new place with a nice garden should help. Good luck.All ok here on the covid front. Just bored with the lockdown.

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya in reply to Fazerboy

Lock down is very hard especially for those aloneI would often visit my Mother overseas but due to COVID I have not seen my Mother for a year

Do you have family or any one you can turn to for support

At my weakest times I realise how alone I am

But this site is very supportive and understanding

Fazerboy profile image
Fazerboy in reply to Roukaya

I have a wife and a grandson is staying with us at the moment (easier for his homeschooling). We don’t see anyone else. With all this rain I can’t even go for a walk to get a break.

Noise between neighbours is not a Police matter; the proper authority is the local council who can - in severe conditions - issue a Noise Abatement Notice. If the noise continues, they can commence a prosecution. If your neighbour complains to the Police, they will simply tell her they have no powers and she should address the Council. Obviously, assault, breach of the peace or threatening behaviour are Police matters under various statutes going back to the Justices of the Peace Act 1341. (yes, 1341!). The Police are loath to become involved in neighbourly disputes so I doubt you have anything to fear.

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya in reply to SERVrider

Thank you for you wisdom and knowledge This was said mainly to frighten me

Always those think they can bully and intimidate me

Dear Roukaya, I deeply sympathise with your problem having recently acquired rather noisy neighbours. At first I thought I'd go mad. I thought I must move but various problems associated with this at the moment -- not least Covid. I thought I must sit this out until times more normal. What has really helped me is getting noise cancelling headphones that I use all the time listening to the radio and living in my own little world when the children are about -- also just heavy duty ear muffs if I don't want to listen to anything. This makes me feel in control which is so helpful. I am also planning my escape which is also empowering. I agree with all the above about the police. A row with neighbours is not a police matter and I 'm sure they would tell neighbour to get lost. I think you were right to try to make peace and avoid any escalation of the row . All the best.

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya in reply to Aoki

I hope you are wellThank you for your understanding and you speak from experience

I think being on your own makes matters so much worse

I am watching the US inauguration and seeing the incredible success of the Vice President Kamala Harris

I have anxiety issues and I thought after apologising to some one I really dislike is something which diffused a situation which could have become so much worse

I also think Joe Biden after all he has gone through deserves his moment

I hope you keep well

Thank you for your own experience

As you say to sit it out until the end of Lockdown Loneliness

Aoki profile image
Aoki in reply to Roukaya

It does make it worse being on your own - as I am-- and are prone to anxiety -- as I am too -- so again I really sympathise and empathise. I think you should continue to try and make peace with neighbour as I believe rows with neighbours can get noted and get in the way of selling the flat -- if this is what you plan. Have you thought of sound proofing? I have and I gather the modern stuff works pretty well. Yes. Great that there is now a decent, sane president in US again. Perhaps the awful tide of bad news is turning at last.

Midori profile image
MidoriVisually impaired

You can't reason with some people. If she has threatened you with police, then write it down and keep it until you can use it as part of your attempts to get her out! It will add to your case if you do report her to Social services, because it looks even more as if she is a bad mother.

Stand up for yourself, she is in the wrong.

Cheers, Midori

Maybe threaten her that you may contact the housing association about her noisy kids. Maybe you should get a fan to cover the noise, hopefully, when you are trying to sleep.

Roukaya profile image
Roukaya in reply to sashaming1

Good evening I hope you are well

I have ever reported her throughout last year about her music and managed to get the music reduced due to recordings

She will know I will contact the Housing Association and I have but the Housing Association I think consider me as a nuisance as despite my own emails they have not answered

But I will keep a diary of the nuisance children and send it them once a week

I have already told them she has threatened to report me to the police and housing association

I must learn to cope with this and not let it get tired me

I have told my Mum who can be quite controlling that I would like to sell my rented flat by Gods grace

I think it is a housing association flat that I bought and some of the tenants can be rough so the situation will never change unless I start to take steps to move

I am concerned with the COVID situation

Are you keeping well

sashaming1 profile image
sashaming1 in reply to Roukaya

Sorry to hear about your struggles and I'm glad to hear that you are trying to work through it. I'm doing fine although I am in hibernation because of my desire to not get COVID.

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