I try to manage by myself in Lock Down
For those who are alone suffering from anxiety triggers this is all the more difficult
Yesterday I was quiet because I was fasting and my Mother rang me more then ten times yesterday
I find it overwhelming
I have tried to explain ten times is excessive
Again she was not too pleased
I have absolutely no one and I try to cope
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It seems that your mum is lonely. Perhaps she could call a friend or a hotline to take pressure off u! May be u can arrange a time where u call
Her once a day etc....
I hope you are well
Thank you for reply
My Mother has a few friends overseas she is not totally alone
I normally speak to her three times a day
But yesterday over ten times she rang
I have no one in UK
My life since 2010 has revolved around taking take of an elderly Father who has since died
Matters are complicated because when she met a man she knew how to put him first
Because he was becoming abusive and controlling it came to an end
Now after Dad she expects me to solve her life
I have failed my exams unable to find work since 2012 but what ever I have done for my Mother easily forgotten
I expect I listen to her repetitive behaviour but I also remember how she would treat me when she had her make friend in her life
She knew how to put him first and let me I am talking to him now you can wait
So when she rings so many times she knows I am unemployed and unmarried and she knows I have no one else
I have told her this morning she has been ringing to many times
Hi Roukaya
My mother was similar - calling all day and night until finally I had to tell her she could not call me and that she had to wait for me to call her. I told her I would not answer the phone if she called. It took her awhile to realize I meant it- it was really hard but it gave me back the control I needed to take care of myself. After awhile when she saw I did call it got a bit better, She still tried to guilt me etc but then I just would say I had to go. It was not fun or easy. I am sorry you have to deal with such a situation. You are worth putting yourself first.
Thank you for being honest with me
I am tired of telling people my life story then they get fed up of me and tell me to get lost
I have no one in the UK and I think when I realise when she had someone in her life she knew how to put him first
When thing went wrong she was on her own
I expect she will be angry with what I have said saying she has called too much
Yes I am sure she will be angry because she seems to only want it her way, I would like to suggest accepting she will be manipulative and angry and still do what you need to take care of yourself. That might mean telling her you will call her in the morning and at night or whatever, You make the rules, you can be kind and show her you care and be firm too.
I think of all the feelings I have felt loneliness is the hardest. And now with the current isolation put anxiety in the mix and it at times seems overwhelming.
Sometimes I write, sometimes I watch TV, sometimes I cry and sometimes I wish I could cry, please also look into some counseling- it it not the end all but if you find the right person it helps to have a person just for you - you deserve it,
It is time for me to sleep! Please take care of yourself - people on this forum
do care about your wellbeing.
Hi Roukaya,
You are doing an amazing job of coping on your own, at a really hard time. I expect your mum is feeling much the same but is indulging herself by excessively calling you. Have you tried, when it's too much, just saying something like "mum, I'm so sorry, I'm really busy but I'll call you back in an hour". If you can start some kind of routine to her calls, you'd be able to manage your own stress through taking charge and calling her on your schedule. It might be challenging at the beginning, but as with a child, if you persist with a routine, she'll understand what's expected.
I think you have understood
She knows I am unmarried and unemployed so she can call when ever she likes
She will repeat and rehearse to make herself feel better and I get tired of having to listen to the same story
There is mental illness in my side of my Fathers Family so my mental health also at stake
Thank you for your understanding
Thank you for your reply
I spoke to my Mother this morning and I said I would speak later this afternoon
I have access to a Psychotherapist who has been kind enough to listen to me a short intervals for free
Throughout the Lock Down she has been of help to me
I think she had made me understand that my Mother has had a huge impact on me
I have tried to study a little and I will go out for a walk
I explained to my Mother there is no one for me in England
Part of me thinks if I should die there is absolutely no one
It seems that I will call her at a scheduled time and we will see how she behaves
Fundamentally, does your mum want you to go back to Mauritius and live with / look after her? She may not have stated this explicitly, but do you think it is at the heart of her conduct?
I know that even though I struggle to pass the Diploma in Wills and Probate, I have been studying for three years and marginally failed three times the first exam
and I struggle to find a years work experience here, there are no prospects of ever working over there
Apart from my Mother and the beach there is nothing for me
Can you try to see it that I will be expected to be at her beck and call
I think the reason why I will not go back is because when she had a male friend she put him first and her verbal abuse was quite hurtful
Now is out of the way she is by herself
I know if she had him she would have insulted me, put the phone down on me and tell me I will curse you for the rest of your life
It is further complicated because I took care of an elderly Parent until he died
I made sure her financial interests were protected as my Father involved with a younger woman
When I had done everything she put her male friend first
I could not understand
Only when she realised he was after her Assets that it came to an end
I have looked after my Father and the family’s interest above my own to my own detriment
It was my choice but this has prevented me from succeeding
Also it does not matter how her friends have humiliated me her friendship is far more important
I am seeing a Psychotherapist who has explained that my Mothers influence has impacted on my ability to make a life for myself
In the grand scheme of things there is mass human suffering and my worries are minute
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